A Fight For Integrity

XXXIV | unfamiliar

Ignoring someone is difficult, especially someone you love. Seeing them everyday and behaving like you don't know them or just going with the flow seems to be hard at times. You won't be able make eye contact or make any sort of affection knowing you are going to fall again. Living with someone you love not knowing if that is mutual is more difficult. Hyunjin was feeling the same. Ignoring Felix was hard. No matter how hard he tried to ignore the younger. Someone mentioned him anyways. While eating, while cleaning or doing the most random thing, he couldn't help but think of Felix. It has been 3 days since he visited Felix. Felix was not yet ready to come out if his room as Chan restricted it after he did it once. Felix would stay in his room and wait for Hyunjin but he didn't show up.

Felix sat on his bed with his head touching the headboard. His body has started to heal and he was now gaining the strength back. He was not pale anymore. The young Felix could be seen again. Felix took a sip of the water that was kept beside him and it felt nice. He liked warm water and someone kept that only. 'Hyunjin must be the one' Felix thought. "Hey can I come in?" Hyejin said. "Of course Hyejin you can" said Felix. "You are much better now I see" said Hyejin. "Yeah healing is a fast process for me" Felix said and smiled. Hyejin gave an awkward smile. Felix could sense the awkwardness recently between her and Felix. Hyejin didn't know what to talk about further. She just sat there looking around the room. "Haven't seen my room in a while ?" Felix asked. "No just like that" Felix laughed a bit. "You were waiting for someone?" Hyejin asked. She knew the answer but still her heart won't let her think otherwise. She wanted to hear her name but she knew that was a contradiction to Felix's answer. "Umm yeah Hyunjin. Been waiting for 3 days. Haven't seen him in a while" Hyejin couldn't hold it in. "Well then I'll go and call him for you" Hyejin said getting up. "No no don't. When he has time he'll come I know" Felix said which broke hyejin more. She was both amazed and heartbroken to see how Felix trusted Hyunjin. How he knew Hyunjin so well. "Okay then I'll get going" "hyejin-ah don't you have something to tell?" Felix said stopping hyejin by gripping her by the wrist gently. "Some other day felix" He let go off her hand and the girl went away from his room. Felix felt unfamiliar. This was not the Hyejin he knew. This was someone else. Some different side of Hyejin that Felix didn't want to see. Shee was somehow hurt but the damage was more inside the girl.

Hyejin went straight to her room and closed the door from behind. She didn't even bother to look back to check if it was closed or not. She just couldn't hold it in anymore. She felt as if her heart was crushed and she was bound to be treated like this. Someone like her should go through this pain. She felt as if she deserved to be in this pain. Hyejin could feel how unwanted she was. Never in her life someone gave her the importance she deserved. Never in her life she got love she searched for. Never in her life she could express her everything. She knew no one needed her. The world would be just the same without her. She cried for the first time in a long time. Her heart couldn't hold anything in anymore. All these years was tough for her. Her pain, her sacrifices, her consideration was all neglected. She lost her childhood and now her adulthood was just the same. How did she became so in dependent on Felix? When did she fall so hard for him? All these questions roamed around her head. She could feel a lump in her throat and a pain through her chest, as if someone peirced it with something harsh. Her fragile body which she was keeping safe broke into pieces. She could feel how bad it hurts to be the second choice. She was learning the bitter truth of love. After some time she started to feel numb.

Two pair of eyes closed the door gently of Hyejin's room. He exactly knew the reason but he didn't want to interrupt the girl who was finally letting everything go.

The day was hard for Hyejin. The first heartbreak she felt as if her world collapsed in the split of a second. She had to grew stronger out of this but was it really that easy how it sounded like? Was love just as simple as the 4 letters it is made up of? Was it really easy to define? Her dream of being loved remained a dream. Some souls on this universe are suckers for love and those love are truly one of the purest form of this complicated emotion.