KISS THE RING ☆ Taylor Hawkins

29. Letters and Porno For Pyros

The situation had become agonizing, at times tragic. It was absurd how a simple letter could have triggered such a moment, ruining the evening for both of them.

Taylor couldn't believe his eyes as he read the words written by the former Guns guitarist. Diane, with her knees to her chest, didn't even want to look at it at first. In the drummer's room there was a tense, heavy air. The singer's dark eyes didn't leave for a second the face of the boy sitting in front of her, scrutinizing and trying to decipher his expressions, waiting for any kind of answer. "Taylor?" After long minutes of silence, the singer drew his attention to her, receiving no response or even a glance from the boy who merely handed her the object found inside the letter: a cassette. Diane furrowed her brows, gently stroking his fingers as she, leaning slightly towards him, reached out to grab the object. On the front it was written only "Sweet Caress" and the redhead parted her lips, now arching her eyebrows as a sign of amazement. That song had become something of a must during the evenings spent with Izzy, as well as one of her favourite songs written by the guitarist. His voice was particular and Diane had always been fascinated by it, so much that she spurred him more and more to exploit it over the years they spent together. "You should read it, I don't understand why I had to do it first." Then announced the blond almost whispering while handing her the sheet of paper as well as he looked up at her for the first time in what seemed like a very long time. "Because I wanted you to get rid of all your doubts, Taylor." Lacing her fingers together, Diane watched him closely as he calmly leaned his back against the bed, leaning towards the nightstand to take a cigarette out of his Marlboro pack. When he sat back in front of the girl, he was about to turn it on before handing her the piece of paper.

"Dear Diane,

I never thought the time would come when I would write you a letter, nor did I think I would try to define our relationship in this way, which we have always left to chance to manage.
There really isn't much I can say, it's clear that this situation got out of hand and got worse and worse, becoming toxic especially for you.
I'm just so sorry that I pulled you in where I didn't want to, I never thought I could hurt you so much. Seeing you in excellent condition made me think a lot, in fact I am writing to you just before leaving Pasadena to go to a recovery center, I want to get well again. As long as the road may seem, the idea that I will have to follow the same steps as you is comforting me.
I never wanted to let you down, I never wanted to make you feel bad. Noticing how the presence of another person in your life helped you a lot at the beginning bothered me so much, mainly because I wanted to be the one who would save you, on the contrary I was only able to drag you with me in this enormous apparently hopeless black hole. I wouldn't blame you if you are mad at me right now, but know that this letter is not meant to bring you any kind of pain. In fact, I don't even expect an answer from you, I don't even know if you will read it and I'm fine with it, you would have all the reasons in the world to do not. I simply didn't think it could go like this, not for us and not for what we have been through together. You have been very important to me and you know how much I have loved you. Even if every now and then the best thing to do in some cases is to say nothing and be silent, as we have unwittingly decided to do several times, this time I have decided to break our rule.

I'm so sorry.
I hope you can live your life to the fullest and that you can achieve all your dreams, you really deserve it.

Izzy

PS: I wanted to leave you one last gift,
I recorded Sweet Caress just for you. (it's a demo)
Then follows a cover of There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,
our song, I hope you don't mind."

The redhead, unable to hold back the tears that fell copiously on her face, let out a silent cry, interrupted only by her sobs. The drummer prepared to hold her in his arms, placing his hand holding the cigarette on her head, stroking her hair gently as he patiently waited for her crying to subside. Taylor, while feeling quite selfish, at the moment could only be happy that she had received that letter that finally found a closure, a fixed point, with the singer's past. Whispering sweet words in her ear, trying to reassure her, he finished his cigarette and, again leaning towards the bedside table, he turned it off. "I think you have to listen to the tape alone." He then added making her lift her head from his chest, so that he could look into her eyes, now tired, red and still shiny. She shook her head in response to his words, letting him then put his hand on her chin, grabbing her face to force her to look back into his eyes. "Yea, you should. Not now, not tomorrow. Whenever you want, but you have to do it. This is the only way you can go on, do you understand me?" She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a few seconds before nodding under the apprehensive gaze of the drummer who, hinting at her with a smile, approached her lips to leave a light kiss on them. "Thanks Taylor." Diane whispered a few millimeters from his mouth, placing her forehead against his and closing her eyes, feeling a small smile on the face of the blond. "I would be lost without you."