KISS THE RING ☆ Taylor Hawkins

40. Diane's only happy when it rains

"So? What are you up to lately?" Dave Navarro slyly approached Diane's ear, receiving only a smirk from the redhead which made her shook her head in response. "I'm clean, Precious." She lied, relying on her appearance and hoping not to be betrayed by the latter, especially by her pupils. "Mh-" he muttered, taking yet another sip of beer from his bottle. "I don't know, I know you well enough to know if you're on something or not, but right now there's something that doesn't convince me." His answer made her friend roll her eyes just before their conversation was interrupted by Mimì, the girl Diane had found in the hospital a few months earlier. "Hey baby" The dark-haired man smiled before placing a quick kiss on her lips, earning a sweet laugh from the blonde who immediately rushed towards the singer, greeting her as two old friends usually do, under Dave's amused gaze because of the confused but happy expression of the redhead. The latter looked for an excuse to get away from the two, sure that by now the one she considered her salvation would not have helped her with any substance.

Don't try to kill yourself just because you're bored.

The singer shook her head, rinsing her face and looking in the mirror after being locked in the bathroom for a couple of minutes, just enough time to recover and convince herself that this time it wouldn't be like the last time. Trying to convince herself that if she only wanted to, she could stop. But for what reason? Why? She needed that adrenaline rush. Everything seemed to be so static, she needed it.

"Cherry, I've been looking for you everywhere..." Taylor's voice made her open her eyes and hint a little smile, looking at him through the mirror. His recently dyed hair framed his hollowed face, exhausted by that tour which started just yesterday and that looked like a little longer than usual, the first of a very long series of lasting tours. "Just long enough for a freshen up, Tay." She smiled at him softly, trying to hide her eyes as much as possible, hugging him and resting her face in the crook of his neck. Feeling his arms around her torso made her feel safe again, but at the same time, more guilty than ever. "You were as good as ever." She whispered on his skin before placing a light kiss on his neck, making the blonde hug her further. "Just good?" The drummer's hands ran up her back until they reached her backside, making her giggle. "Just good." She repeated with a small grin on her lips before kissing him softly again. "Oh, Jesus Christ. Guys!" Chris yelled while entering the bathroom as he went to put a hand over his eyes, making the drummer turn towards him. Diane burst out laughing, shaking her head before breaking the hug with the blond, causing the latter to frown. "Why the fuck are there mixed bathrooms in this place?" Taylor muttered looking at Chris who shook his head at him, shrugging his shoulders and then looked at the two apologetically. "No problem Chris, don't worry." The redhead smiled at him placing a hand on his shoulder and hugging him before following the drummer out of the bathroom.

Diane tried to avoid Dave throughout the evening, and he seemed to do the same, only when Melissa approached the singer she seemed to give up, forced to have to talk to what she thought until a few months before was her best friend. But Dave, sly as he is, walked away before he could be trapped in a superficial conversation that would badly hide their embarrassment. "What did you get? Your eyes are completely black!" Melissa laughed before lightly nudging her friend's shoulder who glared at her, making the bass player serious again within seconds. "Seriously Diane, what the fuck are you doing?"

Don't try to kill yourself just because you're bored.

Izzy's words hadn't left her alone since their last meeting, bombarding her head as if she had a looped record in her head. "Nothing, absolutely nothing!" Diane laughed nervously, looking around for someone who could save her from that conversation, but finding no way out: Nate had taken the newcomer under his wing, Dave was trying in every way to keep Taylor all to himself, without obviously avoid his dirty looks at the redhead, the others were all busy. "I'm going to smoke." The singer announced before freeing herself from Melissa's hands who looked at her confused, since she could have stayed inside the backstage where everyone was smoking.

Why did she always have to complicate life so stupidly? She felt like her head was about to explode from all the questions floating around, including that stupid remark from Izzy. She thought that going back to her friends would let her mood improve, mostly because she was certain that she would find some replenishment for her stupid addiction. All this didn't happen, she tried as always to know how to ration everything, acting in the shadow of the people who loved her, risking for the umpteenth time to disappoint everyone and die, once and for all. But maybe it would have been better that way, she thought. Perhaps most of her problems would be solved, and not just her departure. She soon shook her head as she put her cigarette to her lips, trying to push certain thoughts away and feeling dumber than usual. She had nothing to complain about, she enjoyed excellent health, friends and loved ones to count on, an excellent career. What else did she need? Her self-sabotaging system was slowly destroying her.

Retracing some episodes of her life, she couldn't help but think of when Pat, careful as an older brother would, discovered that Diane, for the first time in a while, was once again capable of experiencing real feelings, not superfluous as they had been right after her first OD, by which time everyone had lost hope. Diane was furious, embarrassed, because there had always been that "unsaid" with Taylor, the only one who really was never afraid to show her how much he cared about her, the one who always stood by when all seemed lost.

"You're strangely quiet, should I be concerned?" Taylor came up behind her, hugging the girl from behind, making her jump slightly. "You should start worrying if I start talking to myself, Tay." She giggled before turning to look at him with the corner of her eye. The drummer laughed at her in turn, shaking his head and squeezing her closer "I can hear your thoughts, Cherry..." He whispered placing his head against hers, rubbing her hair. "What's on your mind?" The singer made a face that the boy could not see, trying to figure out if she could really hide everything from him or not. "It's a strange time..." She whispered before turning away, hugging him as she cupped his face in her hands. "I think- I think I need you, one more time-" She added closing her eyes and lowering her head in such a way as to hide her face from his gaze. "What are you saying Diane..." Taylor hugged her again, placing small kisses on her head as he caressed her back.

"I need you, Tay."