The Time of Change

And Goodbye

I pull myself from her grasp and stagger toward the door to the stairs that lead up to the top of the tower. My feet shuffle on the floor because I don't really have the energy to pick them up anymore. Wasn't there a time when I could jump around and run for days and act like a child, although I'm older than anyone else? Wasn't there a time when the thought of being old and decrepit as I am sickened me, because I never wanted to grow up? I was a grown up in my other lives. I was always an adult, on the outside. I even acted grown up most of the time. But something changed; I didn't want to be a grown up anymore. I think, because of how I had to be an adult even when I was still a kid, because I lost my family so early on and ended up on my own, that being grown-up just sort of lost its charm, its finesse. I didn't want to be that anymore. I wanted to be a child again, skittish and free and ebullient. But now, all that's left for me is old age.

I stop when I reach the door, and look over my shoulder. Clara is directly behind me. I turn and face her. "No," I say firmly. "You're going to stay here." She starts to object, her mouth opening in protest, but I quickly cut over her words. "Promise me you will."

She shakes her head. "Why?" she demands. The fear in her tone is undeniable and slices me deep. I shrug once, a bit weakly. "I'll be keeping you safe. One last victory." I look at her imploringly, making her look me right in the eyes. "Allow me that," I whisper. "Just give me that." Now tears fall anew from her eyes, and she looks away. I cup her cheek with my hand, brushing the tear track from her skin softly. "Thank you," I tell her. My voice is almost entirely silent, and gets rather washed out by the noises outside, but she hears me loud and clear. Her mouth continues to tremble. I plant a gentle kiss on her cheek, my fingers touching her hair, and put my mouth right next to her ear.

"And goodbye."