luck | harrison osterfield au

15. june

"Let's start with the things that made you happy since your last visit, shall we?" I nodded in response to my therapist Dr Tara Moreno. She was a woman in her thirties with the craziest hair I had ever seen which contrasted perfectly with the always calm expression on her face. I leaned back in my seat trying to remember the events of the past which was always extremely hard due to my forgetful mind. I had been Tara's patient for over a year now. I started visiting her when I noticed something funny was going on up in my house. Mental health problems I thought I would never go through took me by surprise and she told me most of them were responses to a stressful environment and work pressure. It took me quite some time to come clear with my diagnosis when I was great at pretending everything was fine and hiding my true emotions behind a smile. Eventually, I got better and our appointments were less grieving and more cheerful. Tara insisted on starting with the things that made me happy from our last session and through this she always managed to make me talk about the painful experiences as well.

"We recorded and mastered a new song we will release soon, I went on a lunch with my parents and to a picnic with my co-stars from the show,..." she was carefully observing me as I was talking while scribbling into her notebook. I always felt like I was naked in front of her. Like I was an open book she could read without any problem. Like she could see right through me and through every gesture I made. I hated it.

"And how do you feel about the new song?" She knew I had been struggling with my relationship with music and I told her about my writer's block which occurred for a longer time than I was comfortable with.

"I actually love it a lot. It is a lyric I found from a while back and we rewrote it a little bit and made music for it. It symbolises our hardships as a band and about embracing our problems while growing as musicians. I'm looking forward to its release since it has been quite a while since we released any new music into the world." She shared my excitement and continued the debate about music. Whether I was in the writing process of another song and wanted to take a look at it, what I was trying to imply by this particular verse knowing its meaning even better than I. She figured I was expressing my thoughts and feelings through the words written in song more than I was talking about them.

"Okay, let's move to my favourite topic. How are your relationships going? Let's start with your parents for instance."

"Yeah, you know this may sound weird but I feel my relationship with my parents got somehow better since I don't live with them anymore. Like we had a good relationship before however there were still the nonsensical fights and arguments about chores and other banalities and now when we don't have these anymore I feel little better." Dr. Tara was only nodding and listening carefully to me with a concerned look and asked me a few questions along the way leading me to improvements in approach to certain situations. She helped me to stay more calm and collected during moments when blood was boiling in my veins, as well as finding my release mechanism of the bottled up anger. I found screaming into the void the right one. The best thing about my gathered intelligence from these sessions was my ability to spread it and help my loved ones cope with their problems (even if they were denying getting therapy themselves). "I would say that my relationships are at this point in a good shape and are getting better however," I saw the tiny shift in Tara's face expression as I said it and her eyes sparkled with an excitement she would never admit. Sometimes I was convinced she became a therapist only for the fact she loved drama, "was shocked by one of my friend's behaviour the other day." Tara signalised me to continue without blinking her eyes. "You know my friend Harrison, he's my best friend's brother and we have been spending more time together lately due to our mutual work project."

"Yes, the one you're denying to have feelings for even though you had written a song about him. I can say I remember him." I was a little startled by her sudden remark but shrugged it off in order to continue and get her point of view on my worries.