CHRISTIAN GAY

3.

Adam's POV:

I wonder what Reuben was thinking. Or what made him behave that way. I hope everything is alright with him. I just couldn't get my mind off that guy. Am I hypnotized or something? No, I can't be. I'm a pastor's son. Then, what's the problem? I don't know. But, I'm certain I'm going nuts. I'm certainly not okay. Whatever.

I tried to shove the thoughts aside when I got home. I met my dad in the living room. He was watching TV and at the same time reading the newspaper he had his hands on. There was another stack of newspapers beside him. I shook my head. My Dad is such a news freak. I wonder what he's so much interested in. He won't go into politics or even vote. But, he would just make sure he knows everything about the government. I'm sure he really knows what we need in this country, because he is never empty of ideas on what the incumbent president should have done one time or the other to avoid chaos.

"I'm home, Dad. Good afternoon!", I tried to raise my voice a bit louder than the TV's volume so he could hear me.

"Welcome home, son!", He replied but he didn't take his eyes off the TV. He is a type of man who would give rapt attention into what he loves doing. He refuses to be distracted. And it's majorly two things that I know takes his attention so much: His Bible Study time and the news.

I walked into my room which wasn't far to the door. I dropped my bag on the floor and unbuckled my shoes. It was a long day. I jumped on my bed and propped my head on my pillow. I rested for a little while and rose up to go to the kitchen.

I saw my Mum.

"Good afternoon, Ma.", I bowed.

"Omo daadaa. Kaabo.", She greeted me in Yoruba, meaning My good child. Welcome.

"How was school today?"

"School was fine.", It wasn't fine though. But, it is illogical to say school was hectic because of some random boy toying with my mind and putting my mental integrity on the line.

"I'm hungry."

She chuckled. "I know. The food is in the dish on the dining table. Serve yourself."

"Oh. That's good to hear.", I rolled my eyes and smiled. I turned around and jogged to the dining room.

"And what are you supposed to say?", She called as I turned around.

"Thanks, Mum!"

I served myself from the dish and took my food to my room. This might be the beauty of being the only child. I rarely have to work around the house like how some of my mates find it tiresome about being at home. Mum is a virtuous woman and God won't stop blessing Dad. So, I'm good. Although, I wish I had a sibling. I feel lonely a lot of times. Well, that's by the way.

As I was eating, my phone beeped to indicate a message dropped into my inbox. When I checked, it was Reuben. My heart skipped a beat. I was happy and also nervous. I couldn't explain it.

Even though I feel like this is not right, yet I savour the experience. I feel weird for that. Have mercy, O God. I checked the message.

Hey! What's up?

Nothing.

Are you alright?

Yeah.

Are you still angry?

About what?

C'mon. Don't play the ignorant here.

I don't play games.

Really?

Yeah.

Ok then. Bye.

So quick! What was that? Was I wrong with the way I replied? But, it seems my reply was somehow curt. And I was just being honest. Although, I wanted him to just say what I should be annoyed about. It may not be what he thought it was. And if it was how he acted weird earlier, it's no big deal. Everybody acts weird sometimes. Don't they?

I gave up thinking to focus on my food. When I was done, I jumped on the bed and closed my eyes to take a nap. But, I just couldn't sleep. My mind was not at rest. I wasn't troubled about anything, but I kept on thinking about different things. But, those things revolved around Reuben. I wanted to know who he is, why I care so much, why I miss him and just want to stop doing so yet, I can't.

I kept on wondering what it was and I remembered an e-book I downloaded few days ago. It was some psychology book. It talked about emotions, feelings, thought patterns and personality types. I jerked up as if I had a scary dream to get on my phone. I scrolled through my reader app and found the book. As I checked through the contents, I saw the part that dealt with Feelings Involving The Other Person and I clicked it.

The intro into the chapter dissatisfied me. It was like:

Hello, lovely! I want to congratulate you for coming this far as regards this book. Or maybe you jumped to this part because of its content, it's all fine. This chapter will help you to be able to understand your feelings(all those stomach butterflies) when it comes to the opposite sex(that particular one). Okay, let's get to it!

Sucks. The intro wasn't bad though, but it gave me an idea I never wanted to accept. And that almost killed my morale. All emotions and feelings that the author described to be "falling in love" were all the ones felt for the opposite sex. I could relate to the feelings and everything but, mine wasn't for the opposite sex!

My heart started beating a beat faster. I was getting anxious. I don't want to believe what my mind was trying to tell me. But, it all got screwed up when I read the last few lines.

If you can relate with any of these above feelings, then you are in love! Congratulations! But, if you feel the same for the same sex as yours(male or female), then you are either gay or a lesbian. Great!

That was a bombshell. I was confused. My eyes welled up with tears. I felt unsafe. I felt strange. I wanted to smile and cry at the same time. I felt good in a way. Yet, I felt queer. I was scared and also confident. I felt distorted from my real self. Am I actually gay? I kept on asking myself that question. No Jesus! I shouldn't be gay!  I yelled in mind, hoping Jesus would do something to rescue me. If only He could just tell me this wasn't true.

I went back to the book. Maybe I didn't read it right. Then I saw want was written afterwards.

Welcome to the LGBTQ+ community! It's alright. It's all natural. We have another chapter for this section where we dealt properly and judiciously on this. Good luck!

I groaned. I minimized the app and tossed my phone beside me on the bed. Ah! These are perilous times!

Perilous times indeed! I'm sorry for not being consistent. I hope that will change. Please vote, comment your thoughts and share if you find this interesting. Thanks for reading!