CHRISTIAN GAY

9

Reuben's POV:

About what happened in my bedroom before I went to Adam's place...

Just when I wanted to take a nap, it all started. They started rushing into my mind in waves. Intrusive thoughts. I must have read that term from somewhere. That's the best way to define them though. Because I never wanted them. Not when I wanted to take a nap. But they would still come whether you wanted them or not.

Seductive thoughts. And intrusive. The first wave was innocent. Or so it appeared to be. I shook my head as if they would fall off. I tried to tell myself that I'm not ready. But, someone else was in control - and that wasn't me.

Over and over again, I started struggling with them. Before I knew it, I was won over and I became a tool to my mind. I took my phone and surfed through the forbidden lands. My hormones were excited and wanted more. I couldn't get a fill, not until, I eventually gave what I held in my bowels unto my bathroom floor and heaved a breath of weakness.

With my back on my bathroom wall, I went down slowly and sat my bare butt on the floor. I felt used. I felt tired and unhappy. I don't know why, but I felt guilty. No one knew what happened, but I felt like someone was watching.

Fuck. I cursed under my breath. I stood up and took a shower. I wished I could wash them away - my guilts. I was overwhelmed by them and I wondered where they all came from. Minutes ago, I was lured. But now, I'm being tortured because of something I never wanted to do. I did anyways. And that's sad.

I checked the time and it was exactly 4pm. I sat on my bed to ease my mind of its stress. Or maybe mine. But, as it had always been, I'm not in control. I gave up the fight and laid my head on my pillow. I had a short nap and woke up few minutes to 5. How could I sleep? Maybe the stress was too much. Who knows?

That was when I was able to put myself together and go over to Adam's place.

*******

Then he threw the bombshell.

"I think I'm gay"

My heart skipped!

I had mixed feelings. I couldn't tell if I was happy or surprised. It was both, I suppose. I had a glance on his face and saw it all. It was honest and not a joke. The atmosphere seemed to change that minute. It was getting more tense until we heard a knock. My heart skipped.

"Adam and friend. Wait, are you guys okay?", She must have seen the looks we had on our faces. They were scary.

I tried to smile and gave a nod. Adam recovered and gave a nod as well.

"Alright then. Adam, there's still more food in the kitchen if you're hungry. I'll be leaving for the Women's Prayer Meeting. Reuben, bye.', She waved and we wished her safe journey.

When she left, Adam stood up to lock the door. I peered at him and sighed.

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"Your sexuality or whatever. Because this seems more like some comedy right now."

"What do you mean, Reuben? Are you saying I'm joking?'

"Are you not?"

"No."

"Really?", I was bewildered, honestly.

"Is anything wrong with that? But I thought you said sexuality was this and that some minutes ago, and now it doesn't matter anymore?", Adam was serious. This is sensitive actually.

"Yes, I did. I said that. But, it just sounds different for it to come from you."

"Oh. And how's that?"

"Your parents, Adam', I paused a bit and lowered my voice 'Your parents, bruv. Or should I say your background? You know better."

Adam sighed. He walked to the bed and sat. "So, are you saying my emotions don't matter since I'm born a conservative?"

"No. Ok. What's your plan? The LGBT has a community, friendly and accommodating to all of its kind.", I sat beside him and tried to reason with him.

"Oh my God. This is weird, honestly.' His eyes were teary 'I still can't comprehend how this is happening to me." He turned to me and said:

"Reuben, I need help. I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me. But, I need help. Don't you think I can change my sexuality?"

I shook my head in the negative. "I'm sorry, man. That's impossible, as far as I know."

"Even if it's not true, can't you lie to me? Please?", He was desperate.

I pulled him into a hug. His tears rolled down his cheeks and I could feel them moisten my left shoulder.

"I love you, Adam."

He pulled himself off my hug immediately and looked at my face.

"What?", His expression was that of surprise and, maybe disgust.

I bowed my head for a second and looked at him again.

"I'm sorry this is coming at this moment, but, I think I love you, Adam.", I couldn't go back on what I said. I actually love him. I can feel it.

"Wait, wait, wait! First of all, are you gay?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Jesus Christ!"

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