CHRISTIAN GAY

16

Reuben's POV:
"But, this is the real question and I'll throw it back to you. If we don't yield to what we feel and yearn for, then what do we yield to?", I couldn't wait for him to finish. I asked the question with all of me. I asked with all the trouble and fear of being segregated if anyone else gets to know my sexual struggles. I was able to express myself and I had a sense of relief. My words were strong and convincing enough in my head and I projected that it would be same for who listened. However, Adam didn't seem to be moved.

"God!", He was quick to respond and it was with so much fervour. He must have heard how the word resounded in the classroom, considering the way he looked around after he uttered it.

My mind couldn't comprehend it. I went mute for a while. It was a very short while but it seemed like forever. God? God. How? I scoffed in my head. This is unbelievable. Can God get involved in this matter as it is?

I've not really been a church boy, but I go on Sundays, basically. And, I simply attend due to the fact that it felt normal to do so, since I grew up into that routine. My mum always took me and my elder brother, before he travelled overseas, to church on Sundays. So, it felt like a norm. Somehow, I was exposed to some basic knowledge about Christianity but God had never been so real to me. He was just in a way I couldn't describe satisfactorily, because He seems distant.

I've never tried to apply what I hear during the sermons on Sundays in my life, cause, I wasn't listening anyway. I'm either on my phone or I just don't believe what I hear. I'm not an atheist, or anti-theist. I believe there is God, or at least, that's what they say. But, I'm not devoted to that cause.

But, hearing Adam calling out God in this conversation made everything starting to look different to me. And it was unsettling. The picture in my head about God and all I've known and heard about Him is different from what Adam portrayed to me. I couldn't handle it.

"God?", I had to ask him.

"Yes, God.", He was confident.

"And what about him? Are you for real?", I asked out of sincere curiousity, and this time, I did calmly.

"This was why I had to ask you where you stand in the first place, Reuben. If you are a Christian, you should understand this as much as I do. I know my background as some pastor kid may contribute to this consciousness of God I carry around, but I want to believe it's for the best too. Maybe, there could be a reason why God has allowed us to find each other.", He was stern.

"And what could that be?", I asked.

"For us to find Him together."

I sighed.

He continued: "For us to know His will on this. Honestly, I didn't get this at first too. I had questions and worries. I thought about how disappointed my Dad would be, if he finds out my sexual state or status, whatever. But, I found out that what would hurt him the most, was dependent on how I handled it afterwards. It would be hinged on what I chose to become."

"So, are you saying we can choose not to be gay?", It sounded awkward in my ears, even after I said it.

"I mean...", I had to cut in.

"If that's what you're saying, then, this is crazy. Very unreal."

"Why is it unreal though? Don't you think God can do it? You believe that whatever we feel is allowed by God, then if we go through 'allowed' unpalatable circumstances, can't we call Him to help change it?"

"But, to change our sexuality? Like, how is that even possible?", I shrugged.

"With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible."

"You are imagining things.", I scoffed.

He shook his head in disagreement. He said, "Look, it's fine if you don't see this the way I see it. We have our choices to make. As for me, I'll look for my place in God. I don't understand it yet, but I think it's better for me in God's arms than to just take this up myself. And I pray, you'll find Him too, or better still, find you."

I was speechless. I couldn't argue further. Something was going on with me and I could t explain it. My mind was split in two - one wanted to keep wrestling while the other was having a contrary motivation. I heaved a deep sigh.

"Do what suits you.", I took my bag and left the class. I didn't think that would be the last time I'd see Adam for a long time. He didn't say anything back to me. I didn't look back. I just wanted to go deal with my thoughts alone. And probably find this God he's all about.

Yippie! Done with another chapter! I hope y'all are enjoying it. Well, who knows what happens next?
Any guesses?
Tell me what you think in the comments.
See you in the next chapter.