CHRISTIAN GAY

11

Adam's POV:

"Adam"

The voice I heard was faint. I kept quiet at first, to be certain if I was actually hearing someone calling me. Then it came again. I turned back swiftly, right there in the woods as I got startled by the loud yet faint voice. But, I jerked awake as I hit my frail cheek on the trunk of one of the trees behind me.

I was sure it wasn't there though.

I was jolted back to my room and I saw my Mum by the door as I rose up from sleep.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes ma.", I gave a nod.

"Why are you still in bed till now? You'll be late for school.", She pointed to the wall clock by the wall. It was 7:30am! I jumped off my bed and hurried to the bathroom.

"Your food and your transport fare is on the dining table. I'm leaving for work with your Dad. Make sure you lock the door before leaving. The fans are switched off already."

She closed the door and left. I took my clothes off and had a long shower. It was long because I was trying to get my mind straight. Memories from yesterday were flashing through my head and I couldn't help but reminisce through them.

I hurried downstairs after I dressed up and I had my meal. I had gone out the gate already, before I remembered I had forgotten something. The door. I ran back in, closed the door and ran back out to board a bike to school.

********

"Make sure you get yourselves prepared as exams are fast approaching."

That was the expression Mr. Michael, our class Chemistry teacher made that gave meaning to the whole 45 minutes of the class. I tried to focus during the class but the class was surprisingly boring to me.

Luckily for me, the next period was free. I sighed and thought of the next line of action for me.

Reuben.

That's true. I've not seen Reuben since I came to class today. I tried to look around for him and then I saw him with some girls at the far edge of the classroom. He seemed to be having a good time. I never knew him to be such a good flirt though. I could hear him giggle and the girls around him were so enthralled that they were all laughing to whatever he said.

I felt a prick in my chest. I felt jealous. I was already getting lost, hating what I saw until I got back to my senses. Then I got angry. I became angry at myself for feeling jealous. I never wanted to or would have chosen to feel that way. I rested my head on my locker as it felt too heavy for my neck to bear, from the weight of the thoughts occupying it.

Even though I tried to ease the weight in my head, my chest began to ache. That was when I knew the mind affairs can take its toll on the body. Since I couldn't stop the barrage of thoughts fashioned against my mind, I left the classroom.

I felt heavy and wanted to share what was wrong with me. The first person that came to mind was the Counselor.

At first, I recoiled at the first instance. But, I decided to go forward with it, since I had no other option. I just wanted to say what's wrong and get help, if possible.

I went straight to the Counselor's office. I was about to knock the door when I suddenly felt anxious. My chest tightened and I had to heave a sigh to help myself.  Then, with much courage, I knocked the door and I was called in.

"Good afternoon sir.", I bowed as I greeted.

He was writing when I came in, so he only gave a "Good afternoon" reply in a low tone and continued with what he was writing before I came in.

Few seconds after, he dropped the pen and eventually, raised his head.

"Oh, it's you!", He said with a grin.

"Yes sir."

He gestured for me to sit and I obliged.

"So, why are you here today?"

As I tried to give a response, my heart gripped with fear again.    I started wondering what could happen if I let out my little secret and it gets leaked out.

I sighed again. Mr. Idris noticed my uneasiness and tried to soothe my anxiety.

"It's okay. Your secret is safe with me. There is something bothering you, right?"

I nodded.

"In that case, open up and tell me what you are going through. You can only get help when you share your problems.", He was so persuasive and I fell for it.

"Sir, the thing is...", I paused for a few seconds.

"I'm listening.", He urged me to continue.

"The problem is that, I think I'm gay."

My heart skipped.