saccharine |edward cullen

18| nightly encounters

18| nightly encounters

        "I'm sorry, I-I find it fascinating," he cleared his throat suddenly feeling anxious. He knows he shouldn't have ever done that but he was worried something might happen to Lux and he'd be too far from her to keep her safe. That's all he wanted now that he's fully understood his mixture of feelings. Just the thought of something happening to her scares him. He's not sure what he'd do if something did and then he feels ridiculous for feeling so intensely for someone.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked suddenly trying to study her expression but to no avail. The only gift he'd had that he had grown to hate over time is the only thing he wished he could use right now. Just a small little hint over what she was thinking but nothing. Is this how everyone usually felt? Unable to tell what someone was thinking.

"Just give me a second," Lux whispered turning away from him for a second. He stiffened even more than usual when he felt her begin to deject. This isn't what he wanted at all. "Please don't be upset, I apologize. I realize how wrong it was and I really do not want you to think of me that way. I just... the thought of something hurting you and I'm not there to—"

"Edward, I don't think..." Lux took a deep breath, "I haven't needed your protection over me while I sleep for the last seventeen years."

He didn't react, maybe he just needed her to tell him everything that she didn't like so he could never do it again. Lux bit her lip, "I can't say I like the idea of you coming in and watching me sleep."

He nodded once. Maybe she had more to say. The only thing that worried him was that she'd come to realization that he was not good for her and would send him on his way. Lux looked at him in the eye, "Edward I like you, more than I have ever felt for anyone and that scares me. I can't understand why I feel this way but I like it. I just, I don't know how I feel about you telling me this."

Staying still was beginning to get difficult for him. He waited for her to just kick him out already. She reached for his hand cautiously and he looked at her as she took it. Like before, warmth coursed through his skin causing goosebumps to line up his arm, she swallowed, "Can you promise to not do anything like that without talking to me first?"

Without meaning to his grip tightened only a fraction more and immediately he worried he'd crush her hand. He nodded, "I won't ever do anything you do not want me to. And, I know you don't need me to protect you, but I want to and I have not been doing it the right way."

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked suddenly. Lux looked at him shaking her head sinking into her pillows now under the covers, "I don't want you to, I don't know if that makes me crazy or not."

He carefully sunk back into the pillow, one leg kicked up onto the bed still putting some distance between them in case she'd change her mind. Instead she closed the space and rested her head against his chest hesitantly in case he wanted her to get up, "Can you just promise me to ask to do things like that first?"

"I will, I'm sorry," he carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders hearing the steady beat of her heart begin to change to a faster pace. "I want whatever this is to be equal, I don't want you to know more about me than I do you," she whispered up close to him now, "So that means asking me about things not going off and trying to find out on your own or spying on me when I'm asleep."

He wanted to argue and say his intent wasn't to spy on her but he thought better on it. She hid her face in her chest, "It's embarrassing, what if I sleep walk?"

"You don't," Edward shook his head apologetically, "Occasionally you'll sleep talk but it's usually just mumbling, though you did say my name once."

"Oh my god!" Lux lifted off him turning to look at him for a minute just to hide behind her hands now. Edward smiled warmly, "Don't feel embarrassed. If I could dream I have no doubt it'd all be about you and I'm not ashamed to admit it."

Lux tried to act like that didn't make her stomach flutter but it was hard. Without thinking she leaned forward to press her lips against his cheek. Frozen in shock he didn't react when she began to close her eyes ready to go to sleep already. He raised a hand to her hair, running his fingers through the thick strands lulling her to sleep.

He'd never ever gotten this close to her like this, not while she slept but he liked it. He'd ask her from now on if he can see her at night like this. He did not want to upset her further, he'd take whatever he could get.

By morning she woke up alone, Edward missing. Then a car honked in her driveway and when she looked out her window he stood there dressed in new clothes next to his car. She smiled sleepily as she put up a hand asking for a few and left to get ready.

When she came down with a piece of toast dangling from her mouth she glanced over to the Swan house. Just then her eyes locked with Bella's. Bella's eyes narrowed in concentration as she focused on over to where Edward was waiting for Lux. She went straight to her truck, Lux watching her walk away.

"Ready?" Edward asked completely unaware or uninterested in what Bella was doing. He opened the door for Lux and waited patiently for her to round over to the passenger's side.

"Tomorrow I'm driving," Lux placed her hand over his on the door looking at him. He nodded closing her door and coming back to his side. He drove to school in comfortable silence, music playing quietly more for her benefit than his and he paid attention to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Lux asked him finally when they pulled into the parking lot, "Let everyone know about us?"

She still wasn't sure how to call what they had or what they were doing yet but he just smiled. He slid his sunglasses on looking over to her, "I'm already going to hell, I don't see why not. Unless of course you don't want to?"

"No it's okay," Lux cleared her throat reaching for her bag but in a quick instant Edward was out of the car opening her door for her. She smiled a little, "Just try and act normal?"

"I'll try," he smiled back like it was a little inside joke of theirs. Immediately he can feel heads turning, he ignored the stares of his family sliding Lux's backpack off her shoulders to carry it and with a hand on her lower back he led her toward the entrance.

They separated for their classes but Edward did his best to walk with her when he could.

::.