Don't Let Go (ON HOLD!)

Don't Let Go: Chapter Ten

Don’t Let Go

Chapter Ten

I shook my head and came to a conclusion. It was rational but it was the right thing to do.

“We can’t” I said firmly looking at him not letting my emotions show in my eyes. “It can’t work and will never work.” What happens if I fall out of love?” I knew that wasn’t the case I will always love him in every single way. “It’s just not how it works” I whispered. He tried grabbing my hand but I took a step back.

His arm fell to his side and he looked defeated, heartbroken even. “So that’s it then” I didn’t say anything. “We pledge each other’s love and you walk away? And for what, because you can’t take a risk?” he yelled when I didn’t answer him.

I took a deep breath, my hands shaking and sweat was forming at the top of my brow. This, what I was doing in this moment to the man that I love; was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I can’t back out now even if I want to, it was too late. I nodded looking him with cold eyes. “It’s over” I tell him firmly making sure my face showed nothing.

“It hadn’t even started” he said lowly, I flinched. That hurt.

I breathed out of my nose, still not letting my guard down. I wouldn’t allow myself to be hurt. My life is hard enough as it is. I knew I was being selfish but I couldn’t help it. My sister was dead and my parents were walking zombies.

I turned around walking away; walking away from him. It hurt to do so but it was for the best. For him and for me; it was sad but true. I heard him calling my name but I didn’t bother turning around, I walked faster my heart speeding up as I heard his voice only closer.

I sprinted when I heard his bounding footsteps behind me, the coloured lights flashing all around me; the music booming against the walls. Tears sprung into my eyes, blurring my vision. I hastily wiped my tears with my arm.

It was pouring, rain drenching my clothes and I could almost feel my make up running. I hugged myself, walking now. I vaguely knew where I was going; I didn’t have time to tell Sammi where I was going. I’ll just meet her at the apartment, I had the key anyway.

**

So this is Sammi found me; in grey sweatpants and one of my sisters shirts. Her favourite shirt, she wore it all the time. I was seated on the old couch stuffing my face in ice-cream. Crying my eyes out as I remembered the times me and my sister used to play soccer in the backyard, the wind whipping our hair around and our laughter; our mum hushing us as she watched the news while dad out working. It was a perfect memory; and one I would always keep.

Other than Sammi, Melissa was my best friend; she was everything to me.

Sometimes when I’m alone I feel her with me, watching over me. Melissa is my guardian angel. I wish I could talk to her, to tell her everything. She would know what to do; she always did.

Sammi shushed my rocking our bodies back and forth; my arms wrapped around her waist just needing her to be here for me. She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. I calmed down slightly, dried tears against my cheeks.

“It’s going to be OK” Sammi whispered trying to reassure me. I don’t think it could ever be normal now. I regret my decision now but I hurt him too much already.

“No it’s not, I ruined everything” my body was shaking while I choked on my sobs.

“Why, tell me Rosie” she said using my nick name Melissa used to call me. I smiled slightly at her memory.

I shook my head and pulled away; I stood up and walked over to the wall leaning my back on it. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, my head was hammering and I felt as if I was going to collapse. My body was drained of energy, I saw black dots.