What am I for you?

.. not yet

"It's crazy. You are crazy to assume something like this!" repeated Nathalie one more time. She was sitting at the large bar in the Grand Paris Hotel. A few days had already passed and everyday life was back in the Agreste House. Except one little thing. Nathalie and Gabriel still haven't talked about the kiss that had happened between them. Which brought Nathalie here. Gladly, the few visitors to the hotel are not very interested in the attractive woman at the bar, making her focus on the situation. They were far too focused on the drinks in front of them that they spent the evening with. Only Jean was delighted with her presence. He listened to her while he wiped the glass in his hand with a big smile.
"He let it happen"
"Which doesn't prove anything, yet." A slight laugh escaped the man who now leaned over to her on the counter. "You seem to be trying to deny something obvious."
"I just don't want to get my hopes up .." Nathalie replied. "It happend before"
"You confessed it to him?"
"Once. And never again after that" she replied before swallowing the entire contents of her glass in one gulp along with all the memories of that day. "Refill, please"
"Maybe it's different this time."
"What should be different ..." Nothing had changed in Nathalie's eyes. Nothing much at least. Emilie was still in the picture. For her, she was still at the beginning not a step further. About a year ago, after fate had taken Emilie's life with all its might, she realized her feelings for the first time.
Months had already passed, and the public, which of course had immediately heard of Emilie's tragic "death", slowly began to distance themselves from the situation. The public had mourned, now it was time to move on.
Only for Gabriel, time seemed to have stopped since the day he had to say goodbye to her. And Nathalie had been there with him, supported him and stood by him. And bit by bit, her grief for Emilie and the admiration for Gabriel had turned into something else. In something more intense.
The two have been friends since they went to school, always knew everything about the other. They could talked about anything and even after she started working under him that didn't changed. Which is why she knew the whole truth. The whole Truth to Emilies Situation.
And why it came to that moment that she has remembered so well to this day.

*a year ago*

The rain pelted mercilessly against the large window of the studio. It was late and Adrien had been in the realm of dreams for a long time.
"What a storm .." Gabriel started the conversation, his gaze directed at the inner courtyard of his property, he watched the rain as he wet it piece by piece.
"It's supposed to be storming all night," Nathalie told him, who was still looking for the last documents at her desk. Her shift was long over, but if you live in your boss's house, something like 'free' seems irrelevant, since you were always on call anyway.
"I should probably check on Emilie .."
"Are you afraid that lightning could strike and disable the emergency services?"
"I just want to make sure she's okay."
'She is dead, Gabriel. I don't know how far one can still speak of okay' but she wouldn't dare say that to his face. At first she understood that Gabriel found it difficult to part with his wife. She had been his teen love after all. They met at university and got married right after graduating. Shortly after Gabriel's big breakthrough as a designer, which would quickly give him the title of 'fashion king', Adrien was born. Another proof of the love between the two, as Emilie always called it. Not that it had bothered Nathalie back then, even though she wouldn't agree with Emilie on that. It only started to bother her a few months ago when Gabriel had planned his unusual action that would put Emilie to rest in the basement of his own home. There was a funeral for the public, only that none of those present knew that the coffin had been empty at the time with no person to cry for. Which they did anyway. That night Gabriel had vowed to overcome death and bring his wife back. What Nathalie first labeled as completely crazy and a phase of mourning had now become a thorn in her eyes which regularly struck her heart with a stab.
Slowly she walked away from her desk and towards Gabriel. She wanted to be certain. It would be better than living in the dark forever and worrying about what could have been.
"Gabriel .." she said carefully. "Isn't it time to let you go?"
With one sentence he turned to her, his gaze now fully focused on the woman next to him "what do you mean?" what made Nathalie swallow once. He looked upset. Had she already crossed the line? No. She can't stop. Someone has to be the voice of reason. And you can't win if you don't dare something after all.
"I just meant .. the world is full of women. Women who can make you happy again."
"...."
"I know that this kind of thing takes time. I just wanted to say that there are others."
"....."
"And .." the otherwise determined woman stammered quietly "I would be glady there for you.."
"Miss Sancoeur!" Gabriel cut her abruptly off what made Nathalie startle. It was the first time in years that he called her by her last name. "You are a reliable worker, which is why you can allow yourself a lot. But I won't let you get away with this insolence! I expect you to kindly stay out of my private affairs until. Only when I ask you to do you are allowed to. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"And one more thing. Nobody could ever replace Emilie. Nobody!" With that, Gabriel stomped past her out of the room. He slammed the door so hard that she winced again. She had imagined that better. A lot better. Desperatly she looked longingly after him where he stood and where he left the room. At least there was also something positive about this situation. She now had her answer. 'Nobody would ever replace her' it soundet again in her head. Obviously. Who could ever do that. What was she thinking.

"It was hard enough to get his trust back. I don't want to risk that again."
At these words Jean raised his eyebrows slightly "You kissed him. You call that 'not risk it again?"
"....."
Slowly he pushed a new glass over to her, which Nathalie grabbed immediately and an emptied right after it "I think you need this" Jean only said whereupon Nathalie only looked at her glass in shock
"What have I done..."
"You took another step again"
"I think I need something stronger ..."
"Shall I book you a room directly too?"
"Oh yes. With a view of the Eiffel Tower, please. And then I'll book a ticket to Germany and fly away. Then I don't have to deal with that anymore. New country and a new start" she said with a soft sigh
"Amusing Miss Sancoeur. What about your lover?"
"He's not my lover .. he is .. a Probme, I caused again .." desperately Nathalie handed Jean the empty glass "One more please"
"You know you still have to work"
"Just because I live at my job, I don't always have to work. I'm free today" just as she had finished this sentence, the ringing of her cell phone ripped her out of her grief "Or .. maybe .. I do have to work" Reluctantly she reached for it Cell phone and answered the call.
"Hello. Yes ... No, I could come ... Alright ... I will be right there." she spoke into the receiver before jumping back on her feet and taking her bag from the chair which had been hanging there until now.
"Forget the drink. I have to go back."
"What a shame. It was just getting so nice. Please come back again."
"I will" Nathalie said with a gentle smile before she paid for her drinks and took her jacket. "See you then, Jean."
"See you, Nathalie."

Gabriel was standing in the great hall, his gaze was directed to the large painting which was placed in it. You can't miss it once you entered. Even when Nathalie entered the house his glace keept focusing on it even though he cleary heard her.
"Has something happened for which I should come so quickly?" she asked curiously while taking off her jacket in the meantime.
"No. Adrien has already gone to bed. I wanted to talk to you. That's why I called you." Whith these words, Nathalie felt an uneasy feeling, like every time the words 'We have to talk' in of any shape fell. Any one would feel uneasy hearing these, wouldn't they? But she could already guess what it would be about.
"All right. Should we go to the gallery for that?"
"Yes. A good idea" said Gabriel before finally turned around and looked at her for a moment before coming down the stairs. "I don't want to wake Adrien."
'and he should not find out what happend' thought Nathalie as she held the door to the gallery open to him before then follow him into it.
"You know what it's about, don't you?" asked Gabriel
"I have a hunch," replied Nathalie, "I think there is only one thing we can talk about. And we avoided it for a long time."
"Right, right ... do you need a glass of water first?"
"I am the complete in control and not drunk, Gabriel. You can say it .." urged Nathalie with folded arms. "Or dear Monsieur Agreste?"
"No, no. Gabriel is perfectly fine"
Uncertainly, Gabriel brushed his hair down to his upper arms. Was he nervous?
"Gabriel?"
"I just don't know how to start"
"Then I do .. I know it was a mistake. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have crossed that line. I take full responsibility for it."
"I .." committed Gabriel "I'm just not ready yet Nathalie. I can't give up Emilie .. not yet"
"I understand that perfectly .."
Carefully and slowly, Gabriel put his strong hands gently around Nathalie's to catch her in an embrace "I'm really sorry .. I just can't ..."
"Sir - Gabriel. I really understand perfectly what you're meaning .. you don't have to do that"
It was always not the first time that Nathalie's feelings could not be reciprocated. And to hide her feelings, she could do that since childhood. And nevertheless. Why did she feel so close to tears right now? It was nothing new after all. Why should it have been different this time? And yet. Somehow it was completly different then the last time. Even thoug it was still a rejection.
"Nathalie, you are important to me. And I need you. Without you I wouldn't be able to do all of this. With out you I didn't know what to do with Adrien"
"But you can't love me," she said to him faster than she could realize
"...yes"
Nathalie had to grit her teeth in order not to cry in the already unpleasant situation in which she found herself with her boss, this was the last thing she wanted to do. 'You're an adult damn it!' 'It was clear you knew!' were the thoughts that came to her mind. But the reality was now a painful one.
Gabriel pressed Nathalie's head gently to his chest while placing a small kiss on her head. She certainly didn't want anyone to see her like that in her emotional moment. So he was there to hide it from everyone. Even himself. "not yet .." he whispered gently to her, "not yet" he repeadet while he could feel how soft sweet tears would fall onto his jacked.