That's The Way Love Goes

Chapter 17

I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to like him. And to be honest, if it was true - which it probably was, sadly - it was a big change in my emotions. I knew it was true, I just didn't want to accept it. It's not even because I was afraid of our friendship, but it was something else that I was afraid of. I didn't know what it was. I wanted to ask someone. Someone like Sandra, or maybe even Em, but if I said it outloud, it would be true and that would be it. There wouldn't be any chance of it being wrong. Like that, there was still a chance that it was something else and I didn't like him. That I just thought I liked him.

I had told Austin that I didn't want to talk about it yet but I promised I'd think about it. After the talk we watched TV. Nothing special. Every possible second that he was in the same room as me, I thought about it. I really tried not to but it was pretty much impossible.

We didn't talk much and if we did, we commented the TV shows we were watching. Mostly it was me throwing things at the TV and yelling. I know I'm weird, alright? You don't have to remind me that. It's good, that people can laugh when they watch me. Austin laughed too. Actually it felt nice to make him laugh. It felt nice to see him happy. And I hated it. It was a proof that I liked him.

After a couple of hours after killing time, he finally left. I could finally breathe normally but I still couldn't stop thinking about... things.

I looked at the clock. It showed 23 o'clock already. My mum was still at work. I wasn't tired at all, so I decided to watch some more TV.

I heard the door close and saw the lights go on. I jumped up and started walking to the door. I didn't know who it was and I was a bit scared. I took the air freshener from the table that was standing next to me and kept going. When I made it to the hallway I was ready to attack but it was just my mum.

"Oh, hey. I thought someone was breaking in or something," I said.

"No, that's okay. Hey, I thought we should talk a bit. We haven't talked or seen each other for awhile. I don't even know what's going on in your life."

"Yeah, sure."

"But not now. Go to sleep. It's bedtime already. I took a rest day so I'm home tomorrow and we can talk. But now, go to sleep. Sorry I woke you though. You look like you were sleeping," she smiled. She looked so mother-alike.

"Yeah, okay. Good night."

"Good night," she said and I went upstairs. We haven't talked for a couple of weeks, I'm guessing. She didn't know about Austin. Even though she wasn't always there for me, or cared about me, I still talked to her about almost everything. I don't mean absolutely everything, but most of it. I liked to talk to her about my life.

In my room I opened the window and took two blankets and climbed under them. I fell asleep almost instantly which was a bit unusual because usually I needed music or Tumblr or something, to fall asleep, but not tonight. After all it was already night time.

I was sitting on my couch downstairs, in the living room. Austin walked into the room with a smile and a plate full of snacks. There were strawberries, cheese, pear and olives. His smile was huge and beautiful. He put the plate onto the table and sat next to me. He put his arms around me and kissed me on the lips.

I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know why he was kissing me. I didn't even know why was he even there. I tried to count my fingers to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but I couldn't, which meant that I was dreaming. I didn't want this to stop 'cause it felt nice, so I stayed and enjoyed while I could.

We cuddled on the couch and fed each other. It might sound a bit stupid, but it felt nice. We were laughing and the TV was playing in the background. We were having fun and we both were ourselves. We didn't care about our flaws. If anything, it made us love each other even more... Wait... What?

I woke up and sat up. I didn't want to think about that dream. I checked the time and I decided to go for a run. It was 7:19 and a good time for a morning run. I went to the bathroom, washed my face and looked up my running clothes and put them on. I went downstairs and took the warm running jacket, and the headed outside.

The cold breeze hit my face but I started running. I didn't even go to the park but stayed in the streets. I ran and tried not to think about Austin, or anything. I focused on breathing and steps. On every third step I breathed in or out. I pushed myself. I ran as fast as I could. I ran as far as I could. I was running away. I was focusing on the anger inside me, and ran. I imagined how I was getting more and more further away from home, and closer to my sister. Focusing on that, kept me going.

I knew I had to go back home. I knew that. But I didn't think about that. I kept going. I didn't give up. You should never give up. You should always keel going. No matter what. You have to tolerate everything.

These thoughts brought me back. I didn't stop running though. I just turned around.

I knew exactly what I had to do.

I had to keep going.

I couldn't give up. No matter what.

I had to be strong.