That's The Way Love Goes

Chapter 8

I  used  to be kind of jealous when I wasn’t in the center of the attention. Now I  am in the center of it and I hate it. I hate being in the center of the attention. A couple of years before I loved it, but now  I hate it. At lunch I’m sitting  with Austin now and everyone want to be my friends and they think I’m so awesome because I’m sitting with him. Sasha of course hates it. She still tries to ruin my life, but there’s nothing she can do.

Every time when some people came to me to talk to me, I had to fake a smile. It really started to tire me. It wasn’t easy for me to fake a smile. I hadn’t had to do that very often before. Sandra would know if I faked and I was usually in my room, so I didn’t see my mom too often.

Every night we chatted on Facebook, with Austin. We talked on the phone and face to face. Sometimes we did graffiti in ‘our house’ and he came to my house. We had become really good friends.

We were sitting at my house, in the living room. My mom wasn’t at home and we were watching The Big Bang Theory. After a couple of minutes convincing, we finally decided to watch it. I was so happy.

When it was a commercial break, I asked, ‘’When will you go see your father?’’

He sighed. ‘’I don’t know.’’ The next minute was quiet and then he asked, ‘’What happened to you sister?’’

It was the last thing I wanted to talk about. It really was. I couldn’t think about it without crying. But to talk about it… Although it was a couple of years ago, it was still hard to talk about it. ‘’I don’t want to talk about it,’’ I said and went to kitchen. I poured myself some water.

Austin followed me. ‘’I told you about my mom’s murder. I know it’s hard, but it will be easier for you when you learn to talk about it. Trust me. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets. Please.’’

I thought about it. I knew it’d be easier. I knew I had to learn to talk about it, and I knew it was only fair. ‘’Fine. When my sister was seventeen, she fell in love. With Caspar. Caspar was bad for her in so many ways. She used to be a really good girl. We were like best friends. We shared everything. And then her friends took her to a party where she met him. Caspar. When she came home, she told me about him. She told me so many good things. Only good things. But he wasn’t good. He was the opposite. She was so happy around him, and she knew about his problems, but she always saw good in people. That was until she found out that he had killed his friend. Then she left him. She was sad without him but I think it was the right thing for her. I know that. She knew that too. But then my parents divorced and everything got worse. She went to another party. Caspar’s party. When she came home she was so wasted and I did everything so our mom wouldn’t find out she was drunk. I stayed with her. I didn’t go to school the next day. I wanted to make sure she was okay. When she woke up, she wouldn’t stop talking about him. Somehow they started dating again. My sister started drinking, and doing drugs. We weren’t that close anymore. Her grades dropped. She skipped school, with Caspar. She didn’t speak to her friends anymore. Then she stopped coming home. I was worried, my mom worried. But she was busy with her work. She didn’t know how bad it was.

Then, one day, Kate, my sister, came home, crying. She told me that Caspar had left her. It wasn’t a surprise to me. I was there for her and I calmed her down. I thought she was feeling better. Of course, she wasn’t okay. She wasn’t the same her she used to be. But I had no idea it was this bad.