How to Save a Life (Niall Horan)

Chapter 15: Ticking Time Bomb

Ellie’s POV

January 12, 2013

I really haven’t written in here in a while. Life’s been hectic to say the least. Dad’s gotten really bad over the past few months and I know that he’s running out of time. The doctors are trying, but it’s becoming more and more evident that they know he’s almost gone, and that’s really a terrifying thought. I’m doing my best not to think about it, so I guess that would explain the immense amount of time I’ve been spending with Niall.

I guess it’s bad that I’ve become so reliant on him. I mean whenever they had to leave town, I felt a little emptier on the inside with each time. He would still leave his room key with me every time, and I ended up finding myself at the penthouse most of the time when he was away, but I still hated being without him. It’s bad how much I like him; how much I need him. I feel like I’m just another one of the thousands of girls out there that are “in love” with him, but this is different. I actually know him, which just makes it all the more worse. Falling for an international popstar when you’re someone like me facing the things I am, it’s just not going to end well. I know he won’t be there to catch me but I’m still falling head over heels.

And the worst part of it all is that he’s only here for another week and a half. Not only that, but Dad just told me that he’s stopping the chemo. That’s literally the news I woke up to this morning. I’ve been in my room crying ever since.

Fun, right?

Both of them. I’m losing both of them at the same time. It’s obvious Dad’s not going to long without chemo. He’s already on his last legs anyway. He hasn’t even gotten out of bed yet today and it’s already noon. That’s not normal for him. I had to go into his room for him to tell me the horrid news.

I can’t say I’m not upset with him. I’m furious. He’s doing the same thing Mom did. He’s giving up when he said he would fight until the end.

He lied to me.

I haven’t told Niall about my father’s decision yet even if I have known for a few hours already. It’s strange, I thought that would be the first thing I would have done when I found out. But I’m reluctant to tell him. I don’t want him to feel bad knowing that he’s going to be leaving soon. I know he will, even if he can’t control it. That’s one of the reasons I love him.

Love... strong word huh? I never really thought I’d fall in love. Not yet at least. And especially with a popstar. I never got caught up in hypes like that, but I couldn’t doubt my feelings for him. I actually think I do love him.

And it really is a scary thought.

I’m having a lot of scary thoughts recently aren’t I? I don’t think that’s good.

I really have to get out of my room and get ready. I was supposed to be going over to the hotel to spend the day with the guys because today’s Zayn’s birthday. Oh, and I know I wrote in here about the day my Dad walked in on me and Niall when he stayed over the night of the snow storm. I guess it’s obvious to say that I’m still allowed to see him. I wasn’t for a few weeks, (not that I didn’t sneak out to do so anyway) but he lightened up after countless arguments. To be honest I think it was because he lost so much strength. I was thankful for him letting me spend time with Niall again, despite the stricter rules, but I wasn’t happy about the reason for it. It just reminded me too much that he was giving up.

I just wish he wasn’t dying.

I really get off track a lot, don’t I? It’s alright, not like anyone but me is going to read this. But either way, I’m supposed to be hanging out with the boys today. It’s not just Niall I’ve grown closer to over the past couple of months. I love all of the One Direction boys, obviously in different ways than I do Niall, but I still care about them none the less.