How to Save a Life (Niall Horan)

Chapter 16: A Turn of Events

Ellie's POV

I leaned against the window, staring outside at the passing scenery as we drove back towards the hotel. It was silent other than the sounds of the car and my broken sniffles as tears continued to slide quietly down my face. I felt Niall's gaze land on me occasionally and then would hear him let out a long sigh before he started tapping his fingers against the steering wheel uncomfortably. He didn't try to speak to me knowing that it would have been pointless. I just needed time in my own thoughts right now.

I just couldn't believe she was gone. The strongest girl I had ever met had lost the fight. I guess I knew that she would end up losing in the end no matter how strong she was, and damn, she was fucking strong, but I wasn't expecting it to happen now. We had just visited her last week. She had been okay. Sure she was a little weak from her chemo. But she still managed a smile and to laugh when Niall and I talked to her.

I closed my eyes and let out a strangled sigh. Of course she smiled and laughed. It was Lily. She'd smile at me and Niall if a shark had bittern her arm off. That's just the kind of girl she was.

I couldn't help but blame myself. I know I couldn't prevent her death, but she was just another example of someone that I cared about leaving me. I should have been there more rather than focusing on my own problems and keeping Niall all to myself while she was in a hospital bed taking her last few breaths. She was his biggest fan and she couldn't spend her last few days with him.

I felt so guilty.

"Ellie." I heard Niall's soft voice call out. I turned slowly to look at him, finding that the van was now parked across the street from the hotel.

"Are you okay?" he asked rather stupidly. I snorted and shook my head looking downward, wiping my eyes and giving another sniffle.

"I haven't been okay in a while." I grumbled. Okay so maybe that was half a lie. Yeah, ever since my Mom died I haven't been the same. But the times I had with Niall, despite all that's been going on, I did feel okay. I felt better than okay. But that was only an in the moment thing. On the inside I wasn't actually okay. I wasn't sure if I'd be that way ever again.

"El, please don't do this. It's breaking my heart to see you like this." He spoke, his voice thick with many emotions.

"And finding out that Lily was dead didn't break your heart?!" I accused, snapping my head up so I was looking him in the eye. Well, not necessarily in the eye... he had his shades on now. And at a time like this, it was really irritating me.

"Of course it did Ellie. I cared about her a lot as well. It's sad, it's unfair, and it really sucks. But there's nothing... we can do." He said, sounding defeated. I felt more tears run down my cheeks.

A sob escaped my lip as I leaned over the seat and fell into Niall's embrace, having him hold me tight while I cried into him again. I felt his fingers gliding through my hair comfortingly as he hushed me gently.

"She didn't deserve this. She was s-so young and it's just not fair." I cried.

"I know it's not." He mumbled against my head.