How to Save a Life (Niall Horan)

Chapter 19: Just Barely

Niall’s POV

I was sitting in the waiting room.

No, check that, standing in the waiting room.

No, pacing in the waiting room of the hospital, tearing every last hair from my head until I couldn’t feel my fingers, head, or feet at all. The only thing I could here was the constant drone of the background noises and my heart pounding in my ears. The only thing I could see was Ellie’s face. The only thing I could think of was holding her again, but fearing that it would never happen.

I could tell from the way the nurses and other people were staring at me that I was irritating them with my constant movement, but I couldn’t give two fucks. Nothing mattered until I knew Ellie would be alright.

I let out another loud groan and my eyes darted over to the clock hanging on the wall.

Almost two o’clock. It’s been a half hour. Why didn’t I know anything yet? Why wouldn’t they let me stay with her?

I went back to my pacing, my breathing still ragged and cheeks now having permanent tear stains on them. I had to try to keep myself under control. Freaking out like this wasn’t going to save Ellie.

I glanced over at one of the empty seats, contemplating if I should sit down. It would do me good, get me off my feet, hopefully regain feeling in my limbs. I took a sharp breath in and walked over to a chair slowly and sat down, letting out a puff air shakily. With the release of my breath, more tears fell from my eyes slowly, dripping down my cheek and onto my pants as I hunched over, leaning my chin on my fists. I could still feel the stares of other people in the room burning into me. I wasn’t sure if it was because I felt vulnerable and paranoid, or if they all noticed and recognized me or what, but I could feel the level of sympathy and pity they had for me radiating off of them.

It made me feel disgusting. I didn’t deserve their sympathy. None of it. I was to blame. Ellie was the victim here. Not me.

As the seconds passed and I remained still, it felt like the air around me was thickening and all the people were drawing closer. My claustrophobia started to kick in at the thought, and my breathing increased as I began to tap my foot nervously. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit here and wait. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut as I shifted in my seat, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling.

Suddenly, my phone rang in my back pocket, causing me to jump but also relieving a bit of the pressure that had surrounded me. I let out another shaky breath and slithered my hand behind me to grab my phone, moving slowly, unsure if I would be able to talk to anyone without breaking down.

I looked at the caller ID. LiLi. I gulped. I hadn’t called the boys yet. They still had no idea what was going on.

I closed my eyes and hit answer with a shaky finger, bringing the phone up to my ear slowly.

“H-Hello?” I stuttered out quietly.

“Niall? Where are you mate? Are you at Ellie’s? Did you fix everything?” Liam immediately questioned. I let out a choked sob at his inquiry, feeling the overwhelming pain in my chest just intensify at the mention of Ellie’s name. “Niall?! Are you alright mate?” he asked after hearing the sound I just made.