How to Save a Life (Niall Horan)

Chapter 20: Reflection

Niall’s POV

Over a day...

29 hours...

However many minutes. I didn’t have the brain power to do that math.

That’s how long it’s been since I found Ellie yesterday. I’ve been in this damn hospital room for nearly a full 24 hours now, only getting up to go to the bathroom. The others left to go to the hotel for the night and told me to go with them, but I refused, knowing that the night was vital for her, and wanting to be there if anything happened. She had made it through the night though, and the doctors said that was a great thing, so maybe she would be waking up soon.

The lads are beyond concerned at this point, now just getting irritated with my stubbornness. I haven’t talked more than a forced word here and there and my gaze was locked solely on the fragile girl in front of me. That and the fact I hadn’t eaten anything in a day and a half and that was obviously unlike me. I could see the concern eating away at Liam by the expression on his face every time he offered to go down to the cafeteria to get food with me and I declined, saying I wasn’t hungry. Then my stomach would growl a few minutes later, causing impatient sighs to come from who was ever in the room at the time.

As if on cue, my body betrayed me as another loud rumble from my stomach broke the silence in the room. I heard Louis growl in irritation as he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Ni, please. You haven’t moved from that seat since yesterday and you must be starving. You have to eat mate. Don’t say you’re not hungry.” Liam sighed, sending me a pleading look.

“I’m fine Liam.” I grunted, my eyes trained on Ellie’s hand that I held in mine, gently tracing circles in it with my thumb.

“Bull shit Niall.” Louis snapped. “I love Ellie too, but you’re a wreck. Go eat something. This isn’t worth slowly killing yourself over.”

I felt my insides twist in anger. This isn’t worth slowly killing yourself over. He had some nerve to say something like that with the situation at hand. My jaw clenched.

“But it was for Ellie!” I shot back, my head twisting quickly to look at him. “I did this to her. If it was worth taking her life, why isn’t it worth taking mine?” I growled turning back to face the ground as my voice quieted down.

“Don’t talk like that Niall.” Zayn snapped harshly, fear visible in his hazel eyes.

“Okay mate, I’m sorry. That wasn’t the best choice of words. But you have to get up. Move around, eat something. Get your mind off of things. This isn’t healthy.” Louis apologized and corrected himself.

“I don’t care.” I snapped again. “I’m not moving until she wakes up and I know she’s okay.”

I heard their collective sigh as my eyes fell back on Ellie. I let out a sigh of my own as I brushed a piece of hair out of her face, biting my lip at how cold her skin felt underneath the pads of my fingers. It still scared me, thinking that her skin may never regain the familiar color or warmth it once had. Or her eyelids may never reveal the sparkling blue eyes I had imprinted in my head. I took a few deep breaths to calm my down and stop my negative thoughts.