Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 1

"Huisang, where is he? Did you find him?"

Lan Xichen was half out of his mind with worry. He would have been outright panicking if he believed that it would help anything in their current predicament. He had to keep himself together enough to be able to continue his frantic search.

"Xichen, please calm down," replied Nie Huisang, but also his expression was betraying how worried he was. Still, Lan Xichen appreciated the gesture, it helped him to ground himself to the current moment and not lose his mind completely. "I am sure we will find him; he could not have gotten far on his own."

Lan Xichen knew that very well himself. Unless someone kidnapped the child – and he did not even want to think about such possibility – A-Yuan could not have gotten far when he had barely started running around on steady feet. He was still so small and sweet. But that was exactly more reason to be on pins and needles. How could the child had gotten lost this quickly? They had only left him alone for a little while! And the door had been closed when they had exited the room.

It was a true mystery how A-Yuan, with his short two years of life experience could have opened the window and climbed out in order to get lost from the inn they had been waiting in.

When Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had entrusted their precious child to him and Nie Huisang for safeguarding while they went onto a night hunt, Lan Xichen would have never imagined something like this would happen. Especially not in the dead of the night when the child should have been scared to death because of the omnipresent darkness.

But of course not, A-Yuan was the most calm and laid-back child Lan Xichen had ever met. He hardly ever cried, even as a baby and his curiosity and smile were rivalled only by Wei Wuxian's own. His questions were never-ending and they often made Lan Xichen smile secretly, especially when they were directed at Lan Qiren and his uncle answered them as if A-Yuan was not a two-year old but one of his students, all serious and grown-up. And the child always listened with wide opened eyes and thanked for the reply, his face scrunched in an adorable pensive expression.

So, what had even come upon his mind to escape the room like this? When Lan Xichen had gone to check on him, he had found only an empty bed, still warm where A-Yuan had been sleeping peacefully just minutes ago, and an open window. However, there was no sign of the child anywhere, not even under the bed or inside the single wardrobe chest in the room, Lan Xichen had checked.

That was why, he was getting increasingly more worried when Nie Huisang joined him in the backyard of the inn into which the window of their room opened. They had searched everywhere they could think of but unless the child had learned how to fly or had somehow managed to climb the shoulder high wooden fence around the backyard, there was no way he would not be somewhere around here.

"Huisang," pointed out Lan Xichen, his voice worried and even more full of fear than seconds ago. Now that they had searched the whole backyard and called the child's name countless times, they were sure he was not in here. "What should we do? We do not have any idea how he had gotten out. Or where he could have gone to. What should we tell Wangji and Wuxian? They will be devastated to know their child is missing."

Lan Xichen knew he was once again beginning to panic, but he could simply not help himself. His heart was aching too much and his love for the boy and his parents would not let him relax. He could see their devastated faces in his mind. How would they react when he would have to call them back from their night hunt only to tell them that A-Yuan was missing?

The possibility which he had been trying to ignore all this while came to his mind once again. Unless the child was a really great climber, or had found a hole in the fence that both him and Nie Huisang had somehow overlooked, he had not left the backyard on his own. He must have been kidnapped.

"Huisang, what are we going to do? Who could have taken him?" Lan Xichen was now truly panicking.

His heart was aching and he was sorry for all of this. He was blaming himself for not staying with the child and letting themselves be smitten with each other and drinking together instead. He should have known better. He had just betrayed his brother's and Wei Wuxian's trust so badly he did not know if they would ever forgive him.

Nie Huisang must have guessed most of his thoughts from his expression only and immediately went to comfort and reassure him: "Xichen, calm down. I am sure A-Yuan is fine, who would hurt such a sweet baby? Let us contact Brother Wei and Wangji and in the meanwhile, we will have a look around the town to ask if anyone had seen anything. It is not too late into the evening yet so there should be people walking around. Perhaps he is somewhere around and we will find him even before Brother Wei and Wangji will arrive."

Lan Xichen must have made a pained and guilty expression because Nie Huisang continued with his reassurances: "A-Chen, everything will be fine, really. I am sure that Brother Wei and Wangji will not blame us. We will explain everything and we will look for A-Yuan together. He could not have gotten far. I will send out my spies as well; we will be certainly able to find him soon."

This reassured Lan Xichen somewhat. He took a deep breath: "Although I still think that I have failed my brother and his husband, I need to keep himself together enough to go search. It would not help anyone if I broke down right here and there would be one less person to go look around and figure out what had happened."

He nodded, clutching Nie Huisang's hand for a second. No matter if A-Yuan had gotten lost on his own or had indeed been kidnapped, they would search high and low and get him back. There was no other way of events in his mind, he refused to think about any other possibilities.

More collected than during the last ten minutes, Lan Xichen nodded again, to himself this time, steeling his resolve and giving himself the necessary calm of the mind.

"A-Sang, thank you," he smiled, still in a strained fashion, but it was the best he could achieve right now. "Please go to contact your people, I know you always keep at least one of them around to pass the word. Meanwhile, I am going to send out a signal flare and go back to searching. We will find him." 'We must' was left unsaid.