Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 2

Lan Wangji was sitting on the back porch of the Jingshi and feeling like he was in the seventh heaven. He had his husband safely tugged in his lap and their nearly two-year old son was peacefully dozing off in Wei Ying's arms.

"Even after three years, I can barely believe that I have been lucky enough to find my fated soulmate and that we can have our sweet child together," he was musing. He often marvelled at how lucky they had been to get such great happiness in this small, adorable package.

"True, the road had not been easy at all. Not with Wei Ying still recovering from what his adoptive mother had called discipline. In fact, it has been nothing else but cruel torture which went against the very nature of his Omega husband, it is making my blood boil only thinking about it. Depriving him of all the pleasures of life and threatening him into keeping a perfect self-restraint on his pheromones were only few of the many more horrors. Even until now, Wei Ying is still having flashbacks and nightmares of the time he had lived in the Lotus Pier.

They often keep him from sleeping at night and I try my best to coax him into laying down again after the nightmares had sunk their teeth deep into his mind. It is heart-breaking. I always remind him that nothing like that should have ever happened to him and that nothing even remotely similar would happened in the future. We will be happy for the rest of our days, taking care of our son and each other. I will do my best to assure it."

Things were steadily improving as time went by and he had been making sure that his husband knew he was loved. That he would feel comfortable and safe around him and would never fear releasing his pheromones, whenever he wanted and needed. Lan Wangji knew he was fighting a great monster which was haunting Wei Ying's memories and he would never give up, not even for a moment, no matter how many drawbacks they would experience.

And A-Yuan, their perfect and most loveable son, was helping in this battle against his father's inner demons as well. Perhaps even more than Lan Wangji himself. It was because of him, and a little coaxing from Lan Xichen, that Wei Ying was no longer afraid to hold their child in his arms and was not panicking when he was trying to feed him and A-Yuan kept spitting the milk and now solid food out of his mouth.

One thing however worried Lan Wangji greatly: "After losing – being robbed of by his adoptive mother, more exactly – his first child, Wei Ying has become extremely protective of little A-Yuan. He keeps our child sleeping in our bed at nights and never goes out of the room if it is time for A-Yuan's afternoon nap. I find it both adorable and concerning at the same time. It is not healthy neither for Wei Ying nor for our son for him to be so fixated and overprotective.

Wei Ying greatly dotes on A-Yuan but is very scared for him all the time. And can someone blame him? His own childhood had been a series of terrible events, first losing his own parents at a young age, then living on the streets for years and in the end, being adopted into a household where he had been tortured by his adoptive mother and had to hide the fact that he was an Omega for years. It would probably be impossible for him not to want to provide a better life for our child and protect him from all the cruelty of this world..."

Lan Wangji buried his face in his husband's nape, trying hard to not let any hints escape that he was feeling unsettled and sad. He did not want to worry Wei Ying or wake the sleeping A-Yuan. He had fears of his own, but he could not let them influence his soulmate or their son.

Lan Wangji could understand husband's fears, he felt them at the same time and seen them with his own eyes. Elder's Lan Yi's gift had been most helpful in this regard. The connection between their minds was as strong as ever and finally, Wei Ying was no longer afraid to open himself up and let Lan Wangji seem what was tormenting him. They worked together to prevail over his husband's insecurities and past pains.

As much as Lan Wangji loved this simple and happy life, he thought it was time they started to find a routine which would not involve only sitting in the Jingshi and hiding A-Yuan from the rest of the world.

"Since A-Yuan's birth, Wei Ying always finds excuses to not have to go out of the house, and if he has to leave, he would only ever stay in the Cloud Recesses and never venture beyond the barrier. He never leaves A-Yuan's side for longer than it is absolutely necessary and would always pout and insist of taking our son with him everywhere he goes until he manages to persuade me and I would indulge him.

I can see the raw fear in his eyes. He can tell that Wei Ying is acting like this solely because of his inner insecurities; to say that Wei Ying has a few would be a great understatement, there are so many that they would have definitely broken a lesser man. But it is really no wonder, Yu Ziyuan had managed to all but destroy Wei Ying's confidence in being an Omega and also in caring for a child of his own. It is hard to watch, and I want to support Wei Ying as much as I can, but I am starting to think that not doing anything and leaving him like this is actually hurting him. Both of us.

Things are improving, I can see it every day, Wei Ying is trying so very hard... But they are still not perfect, perhaps they would never truly be. I would not be surprised if the deep-rooted trauma would stay with him in some extent throughout his whole life..."

It sounded very disheartening to think about something so sad at a moment like this, when Lan Wangji had Wei Ying and their son in his arms and his husband was cooing over how cute the child was.

He was not despairing though, nor loosing his determination to help, Wei Ying had already made tremendous progress and he was the strongest person Lan Wangji had ever known. If anyone could combat their terrible past, it was him.

He snuggled even closer to his husband, kissing the tanned nape lovingly. Yes, he had Wei Ying right here with him, they are together and happy, there is nothing they could not face as a family.

His love for his husband bubbled in his chest and threatened to overwhelm him. He did not fight it and let it all go and show Wei Ying all his affection. He continued kissing his fated soulmate's nape and neck and hair, everywhere he could reach, and released his pheromones. Wei Ying immediately relaxed in his arms and turned his head towards Lan Wangji, kissing him sweetly on the lips.

"Ah, Lan Zhan, I love you very much too," he replied to Lan Wangji's unsaid thoughts. These ones, the Second Jade would never keep to himself, he wanted his husband to know just how loved and appreciated he was.

When they were together like this, life seemed to not have any downsides, just pure happiness and bliss. Lan Wangji relaxed as well and his worries were chased away completely when Wei Ying released his own pheromones in response to the affection. They were as sweet as ever and Lan Wangji was, as so many times before, thanking all the Heavens for being able to find his fated soulmate and hold him now in his arms.

Even after all these years, Lan Wangji still wanted to congratulate him for every single time his husband let go of his painfully learned self-restraint. He showed his appreciation by giving his soulmate another kiss, just to indulge the both of them.