Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 30

Lan Xichen was very happy. The party from the Lotus Pier and the Koi Tower left this morning and when he saw Nie Huisang, Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan coming back from the Caiyi town, he immediately knew that everything went just fine. Perhaps even better than fine, judging by Wei Wuxian happily skipping up the stairs and conversing at moments with the two other adults and at moments entertaining his son and making him laugh. They were such a great picture like that.

Nie Huisang was very clearly thinking along the same lines as he watched the small family walking in front of him with an indulgent smile and fond eyes. However, when he saw Lan Xichen waiting for their group atop the stairs to the Cloud Recesses, his steps suddenly became faster. It took him only a second to close the distance between himself and the Gusu Lan sect leader.

Lan Xichen's breath hitched when he saw the Qinghe Nie sect heir standing in front of him, waiving lazily his fan and giving him his undivided attention. It felt nothing short of the two of them being the only people in the whole world. At once, the First Jade was again more than aware of the fact that he had not spent enough time with Nie Huisang in the last two weeks, he wanted to remedy his mistake.

"Welcome back," he smiled and greeted.

He did not even know if Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian greeted back, or if they were watching him and Nie Huisang with amusement, or with knowing eyes. All he saw was how Nie Huisang's eyes sparkled as the greeting and his lips moving, probably saying he was glad to be back. Lan Xichen found himself so overwhelmed that he could barely register anything but his loved one's full lips and openly welcoming expression.

After an eternity of rude staring which was full of longing, the Gusu Lan sect leader's ears finally started working again. He wanted to finally have a proper conversation with Nie Huisang, just the two of them alone in Lan Xichen's quarters, it sounded like the best idea ever, he could not wait for it to become reality. He discreetly looked around to see who had just witnessed his moment of infatuation with the young Omega, but luckily, they were all alone. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji must have left at some point, Lan Xichen had not even noticed.

"Am I becoming a love-struck fool now?" he thought with no small amount of self-teasing. "I remember Lan Wangji behaving like this when Wei Wuxian had first come to the Cloud Recesses. Am I really falling this deep for Nie Huisang? This is bad, kind of. I am a Beta and he is an Omega, the union between us will not work, not in the eyes of others. And it would be cruel for Nie Huisang to be tied to me instead of searching for an Alpha who would take care of him and be able to have children with him.

I saw him looking longingly at A-Yuan and Jin Ling. I suspect he likes children very much, I cannot take this from him. It would be too cruel. Not even talking about Nie Mingjue not being too happy about such a relationship. Sure, we are friends, but I am sure that he wants only the best for his little brother, just like I do for mine. And giving him a plain Beta partner is not one of the things he would consent to. Though, I still cannot control my heart and forget about Huisang."

Lan Xichen did his best to keep smiling even as his heart was seemingly falling into an endless abyss, never to be saved again from the overwhelming feeling of love and need to protect his beloved. He wondered if this was how Alphas felt when they met the perfect Omega for them. He almost wanted to cry when he realized that the term of Nie Huisang's stay in the Cloud Recesses was slowly coming to an end and he would not see him for another month or so. It already sounded like an eternity, especially with Nie Huisang still here with him, within the reach of his hand and yet so far away.

Before Lan Xichen could stop himself, he all but blurted out, like the fool he had now apparently become: "Huisang, would you like to join me for afternoon tea? And then a dinner perhaps?"

As soon as his brain caught up to his mouth, Lan Xichen wanted to slap himself. He was getting way over himself here and he knew it. It was just that the two weeks he knew Nie Huisang was in the Cloud Recesses but both of them had been too busy to enjoy each other's company were really getting to him.

And had he even used such an informal way of talking to the Qinghe Nie sect heir? It was fine in the privacy of his mind to try and feel closer by calling the other with only his courtesy name, but it was definitely overstepping when said aloud. He glanced at his loved one – who for all intended purposes should not even know how much Lan Xichen longed for him and how strong his feelings were – and was ready to apologise immediately.

However, his words were stuck in his throat and his brain refused to cooperate with him. For instead of looking offended or uncomfortable with the unrequired closeness and familiarity, Nie Huisang seemed delighted and his smile became even broader. Right now, he suddenly looked so ethereal and desirable. Despite his best efforts at controlling himself, Lan Xichen felt his already strong infatuation growing even more.

"For what else it could be but a foolish infatuation? I am not supposed to love Huisang, not like this. I know as a fact that one day, he will find his fated Alpha and they will live their lives happily, he will not even remember me even if we started a little affair right now. It would be better if I let go while I still can. Otherwise, I am worried that I may end up like our father, with my heart broken and secluding myself from the world which only likes to play cruel jokes with us weak humans."

Despite all his conviction, he could however simply not let go. He had already wandered too deep into the maze of love and he could no longer find a way out of it. He was a lost man and only Nie Huisang could help him to find himself again.

The Qinghe Nie sect heir, cruelly, as if he did not know what it would do to Lan Xichen's already fragile and sensitive heart, accepted his invitation and sealed the Gusu Lan sect leader's fate: "Xichen, I would like nothing more than to join you. I have been waiting for this ever since I came to the Cloud Recesses this time. Should we go right now? Or should I change first?"

Was that even a question? Of course, they weregoing to Lan Xichen's room right away. They have apparently both fallen andthere was no taking anything back. Was it the hot afternoon which was makingLan Xichen's heart beat so quickly, his head feeling light and his mouth becomingall dry in anticipation of what was about to come?