Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 27

Lan Xichen was sitting down and was showing the world the gentlest smile he could at this moment. He was acutely aware that he was failing miserably and that everyone could see just how worried he was about this situation, but he still stubbornly persisted in his pretence. At least the children had hopefully not noticed anything as they continued playing with the rabbits that Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng were now catching for them and putting continuously into their laps.

It had been two days since Nie Huisang had told him what kind of talisman he had invented and explained how exactly it worked. The First Jade was awed that he had come up with something so complex and intriguing in the short time since he had learned about Wei Wuxian's current predicament. Lan Xichen was glad he had asked Nie Mingjue to allow his younger brother to stay in the Cloud Recesses.

However, at the same time, the Gusu Lan sect leader was also berating himself: "It is true that I have initially invited Nie Huisang to visit for a longer time in order to help Wuxian. Nevertheless, I feel restless and irritated deep down. Ever since he was allowed to stay here, I have been a poor host. I was so busy with other sect matters that I was not able to spend nearly any time with him. I should not be having these thoughts, but I have simply expected more.

I have been naively hoping that we would have enough time outside of our duties to still be able to sit down peacefully as always and discuss literature or politics, or play a round or two of Chinese chess. Now, I feel like an idiot to let Nie Huisang deal with everything on his own and being overridden with other matters.

I still wish we could have had some alone time together. Even if not as anything more but friends or acquaintances interested in the same topics, I enjoy those simple moments, perhaps more than I should, but no one aside for me needs to know about this. I may be called selfish for such behaviour, after all, helping Wuxian should take priority over my personal desires to have tea and so much more with Nie Huisang. However, I am not going to lie to myself, I want more, greedily and desperately so."

As if the Qinghe Nie sect heir could hear his thoughts, or have somehow guessed what was on his mind, he shifted in his place, rearranging his robes like it was the most natural thing to do, and moved to sit just a little closer to him. Lan Xichen could feel the warmth of his body on his skin, it was making him shudder in delight. Or maybe he was imagining it, seeing how thick the many layers of the Gusu Lan sect robes were. Nevertheless, it was making him excited and wanting to be even closer. Like a thirsting man who was given a single drop of water and was greedy for more.

They were sitting there, surrounded by hopping rabbits and peaceful sounds of children laughing. Despite the fact that they were not alone, Lan Xichen's mind was calmer than before and all his desires felt fulfilled. His smile became more genuine without him noticing.

At least that was what he realized a moment later when A-Yuan was suddenly standing in front of him, watching him with pensive eyes before finally going back to smiling. He reached out his small chubby hand in a gesture of offering. He wanted to give something to Lan Xichen.

The Gusu Lan sect leader looked at the child and extended his own hand – all the while regretting immensely that he lost the warmth of his secret loved one because of this action – to take the offered item. When A-Yuan gently, but with a toddler's clumsiness, placed the item, actually several of them, into his palm, the First Jade finally realized what he had been given.

It was a poorly plucked flower, a little crushed from how the child had been holding it. There were also several pieces of grass in his hand now, probably because A-Yuan was still learning to control his hands and picking just one flower stem was beyond his current abilities. It was cuter than anything else really.