The Curl of Your Lips | TWD -Shane |

On Loosing grip on Sinking Ship

Gone. Gone is such a sad word.Gone is final.

Sophia is gone. Beth's mother is gone. Shane is gone. The kids I thought, hell even the president was probably gone.

I stumbled my way back to the tent to curl up and sob. Shane and I were supposed to get married and have a family. The world wasn't supposed to go to hell and Shane wasn't supposed to be taken down with it.

The worst part is the guilt. I loved a monster, he was changing right before my eyes and I was oblivious. I could have saved him from himself.

So I sat there. Reveling in my own misery as Carol mourned her daughter, and Beth her mother. They were the lucky ones. They had closure. They knew their loved ones were good people when their light faded. My lost love ones light was still ablaze tormenting me unintentionally.

Shane stepped into the tent and I cowered back on impulse. He just stared at me for a few seconds before looking down."I had to do it,Abbs."

I stayed silent in fear of my voice betraying me. He studied my face before continuing,"Abigail, I'm sorry. This world...you have to become the dominate to survive. You have to be smart."

"Emotionally unattached."

"What? Emotionally- I did what's best to keep you alive."

I gripped my hair by the roots and sighed,"You did the wrong thing,Shane."

He pulled my hands from my hair,"Don't do that!"

"Get away from me." the words came out calmer than I had expected. It shocked me more than him.

"Abigail-"

"I can't be around you right now." I shook my head and he stormed out of the tent.

I heard him start yelling at someone but I was too deep in thought to care.

"Come on Abbs I don't see the point in you not moving in. You stay here every night anyway." Shane kissed my neck, his words having more effect considering we were naked and entwined under his thick sheets.

"I like my house." I turned to him causing him to roll his eyes.

"I like being with you."

"I'm keeping my house."

"Is that a yes?" He beamed and I nodded smiling,a laugh slipping past my lips.

I'd give anything for sleeping arrangements to be our only problem. Shane wasn't the man from my memories and I had to keep reminding myself that over and over again.

"Negative!" I cheered as I came out with the pregnancy test.Shane lifted me up and spun around.

"Thank God. I mean one day, but not now."

I nodded in agreement and laughed lightly,"After you go out and buy a ring."

"Hmm who said anything about a ring?"Shane teased making my eyes roll.

"Five years is a long time for this to just be a booty call." I joked, knowing good and well he'd been browsing the rings in the jewelry store.

Shane never bought me that ring. The following week I got a phone call from Atlanta's most prestigious private school. They wanted me to teach there. And I went, leaving Shane and our relationship behind.

I gathered up every ounce of courage I had in me and walked out of the tent.If Rick hadn't asked me to leave with him I would have stayed in there for the rest of my life.

Rick and I rode in the cab of the truck, and Glenn took the truck bed. Its the first time I looked in the mirror today and I immediately started wiping my eyes and rubbing the dirt off my face.

"How you holding up?" Rick pulled onto the dirt road.

"Better than expected."

"Abigail,I'm sorry-"

"You didn't do anything Rick. Why are you sorry? That Shane's lost it? That Sophia's dead? None of that is your fault."

"Shane's not the man he used to be." Rick mimicked my thoughts.

"He's the man who slept with your wife as soon as you were out of the picture."

He glanced over at me,"And Lori did the same to you."

I laughed sarcastically,"No, trust me I have it much worse than you."

"How do you figure-"

"She's pregnant and she wont admit it but it's more than likely Shane's. Something I wanted more than anything. She gets to have the baby I'll never have."

"You'll be able to, things will get better and-"

"Rick even if this was all a bad dream and I woke up in the morning next to Shane I wouldn't be able to have kids."

I started to comb back through the memory of finding out my worst fear.

"Miss Lee,this is never easy but your body isn't capable of carrying a child and delivering it properly."The doctor read through the paperwork.

"What? What no, that can't be -" I teared up and shook my head quickly.

"I'm sorry.."

"I'm sorry."Rick reached over and grabbed my hand holding it firmly in his. I just started out the window hoping that this was all a bad dream.