failed attempts to fly

and baby, you're all that i want

Music.

An unexplainable, unearthly creation that has guided me through my darkest times in life. There's no other way to explain it. When the music chords mix with lyrics, it teleports me to a dimension of nothing but sound. The feeling of floating in a pool of emotions. Anywhere from sad to glee to anger. Music does that to me.

No matter the occasion, or moment in time, I have found that the sadness that lingers within my skin does not falter. It's like an empty pit—a void of nothingness that almost completely cripples me.

Most days, I can attempt to be a somewhat of a functioning adult. But other times, not so much.

I relish in peace and quiet. However, I have found there is always some music ringing in my ears or through the speakers. It doesn't have to have lyrics, just a simple melody to remind me that I'm not alone.

Because when it's just me and my thoughts, I drown in deafening darkness. I am unable to escape.

I've struggled with my emotions, or lack thereof, since a young age. While Rio would cry when he got hurt or throw temper tantrums when he didn't get his way.

"Why are you so loud." I would complain to myself mostly. But then I realized he wasn't the strange one. I was.

No one else seems to feel such sensory overload by someone tapping their foot too many times. Or having a dizzy spell anytime there were too many people talking.

Feeling like you want to scream at the world, yet knowing that your body wouldn't even be able to gather enough strength to do so, is exhausting just thinking about it. And it's not like anyone would listen anyways.

Music has some sort of mystical power over me. On the days I feel numb, a single guitar string can uplift my spirit. If executed correctly, a musician's voice mixed with the lyrics can change my emotions to whatever the tone is.

I have found songs of heartbreak and sorrow are the best at pulling at my heart strings, making my heart flutter with angst. One would say it's not ideal.

"Why listen to a sad song? It'll only make you sadder."

Simple. Because feeling sad is better than feeling nothing at all.

It's not always sad songs, though. A good rock song will make me feel like running a few laps and punching a few walls.

So the genre doesn't matter. When I put my headphones on, the goosebumps trickle down my skin. It's the best feeling in the world.

"Heaven." By Bryan Adams is my newest obsession.

More like a "current" obsession. 80s rock music is undoubtedly the best music of all time. And no matter the decade, or the newest trends, I always find myself back to the classics. I have my mother to thank for that.

Spring days, as the curtains fluttered through the open windows. The front door was wide open for the entire neighborhood to hear mom's tune playing on the crank-up radio. Rio would run around trying to exhaust his never-ending energy. I would sit by the siding, listening to the melody and my mother's humming along to the song.

Music had the same effect on her as did me, but then again, we have a lot of similarities in life's struggles.

"Have you seen my headphones?!" Rio's voice echoes through my closed door. One thing I can appreciate about him is he never barges in.

"N- No." I lie because I have seen them, currently seeing a white case sitting on my bed as we speak.

"Dammit, I'm going to be late. Let me know if you find 'em, kay?"