failed attempts to fly

i'm falling even more in love with you

Warmth. Like snuggling underneath a fuzzy weighted blanket, keeping me warm and safe.

I remember sobbing into his chest like my emotionless state was jump-started with a volt of electricity. He remained still, like a pillar of stability, as my legs began to weaken. My body was lifted off the ground into a plush surface. My fingers latched onto a cotton fabric, pulling the remainder of my strength to grip his t-shirt.

Sniffles between an icy wall and my personal furnace, curled up in blanket security until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, there was no fabric I was resting on, only olive skin and a steady heartbeat. It's a fact I knew about Iwaizumi. His inability to sleep in anything but his boxer briefs. "Don't you get cold?" I asked him when we shared a bed at his apartment. He assured me he doesn't, most times having to turn in a fan because he runs hot.

I laughed it off because I was always cold in my room, no matter the outside temperature.

The blistering sun of a new morning, the one that makes some groan by its bright orange hue, was eclipsed by his body.

And I knew this wasn't a cure-all of all my internal tournaments. But just for a moment, as I draw circles on Iwaizumi's sleeping chest, as my fingers tickle the growing stubble, I feel calm. Like he was shielding me from the entire world.

So I beg, silently, softly, pleading to the universe to freeze. This moment. So I don't ever have to feel anything but this—but him.

"Hi." His breathy voice vibrates on the tops of my head.

I attempt to speak, to greet him, to thank him for staying with me, for everything, but my voice gets stuck in my throat, my body painfully jolting that I don't deserve any of this.

"Did you sleep well?" Again, I can only give him silence.

My mind screams at me, reminding me how ungrateful I am. How worthless, how stupid.

This is what you wanted. Isn't it? All your pitiful begging, he's here now, and your self-destruction will push him away. You don't deserve him.

"Is my arm too heavy?" His voice startled my internal drowning like a lighthouse in the distance. I follow it out of the deep waters.

Unable to respond verbally, I shake my head incessantly at his chest, hoping that the silence isn't enough to push him away.

If anything, more pressure would be ideal. I thought to myself.

"What about now?" Almost as if he could read my mind, he shifted his body weight onto me.

Again, another shake.

"Now?" As his weight got progressively heavier, I'd shake my head no.

By the fourth question, I let out a small giggle at his body continuously shifting until he was on top of me.

I'm between his legs and arms, palms resting on the sides of my head, making sure not to put his entire body weight on me but just enough to make me feel snug.

One thing I admired most about him was his inability to hide his emotions through his orbs. They looked at me deeply, intensely, with no anger, no judgment, almost as if he was silently screaming that he understood me.

The soft gaze lasted for a while before the glint of mischief appeared in his eyes. Dramatically, he relaxes his entire body weight into me, making me gasp and laugh at his actions.

It's not a surprise to me. The heaviness of a person with that much muscle mass being described as light is almost insulting.

"Yeah, you're right. This is comfortable. I think I'll stay like this." He jokes as I was literally pancaked between Iwaizumi and my bed. It lasted a few seconds, my laughter, before I ultimately brought my fingers to this back, tapping out in defeat.