failed attempts to fly

how i loved you, how i cried

We dated in secret, not on purpose but trying to figure out a way to tell my brother seemed impossible. Suga knew, and while I trusted him with my secret, I realized now how difficult it must have been to keep something from Rio.

At the time, there was an internet trend about asking team members which person on the team they allow to date their sister. And Tanaka didn't miss the chance to record his volleyball team.

Coincidence? Or did he know all along? To this day, I am not sure.

Most answers were the same, stating Daichi would be ideal. Nishinoya said Asahi, and everyone else said, "definitely not Rio."

Then it was Rio's turn, as Tanaka stuck his phone to his face and asked him the question.

"None of you." Without a second thought or question, my brother said, "And don't think I won't kick any of your asses if you even think about it."

Most of the team laughed it off, except for Suga and Daichi, who chuckled nervously.

Rio didn't speak to me for a while after finding out—after walking into the storage closet and finding Daichi and me kissing.

I have witnessed Daichi stop a meteor-like volleyball hurdling towards him at an immense speed with no issue. His reflexes mixed with his raw power, and I knew he could've blocked a simple fist pointed at him.

But he stood unmoving and allowed Rio to punch him in the face. He wore that purple bruise for 4 weeks, almost like his penance for betraying his friend.

"Daichi got hit with Rio's cross-shot." Which wasn't entirely false. But it's the story they went with.

Rio didn't hesitate, shoot first, and ask questions later, except he wasn't interested in the details. He's always been a little hot-headed, but it was the first time I'd been him so upset.

It was the way he looked at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes as he muttered the words, "you should have told me."

He wasn't upset that we were dating. He was upset because I never told him, and he had to find out the way he did.

Further cementing how terrible of a sister I am.

Suga officially came out the following week, which people found more interesting than Daichi's black eye. He swears it had nothing to do with me, that he was ready to tell everyone, and I hope he was telling the truth.

The thing about Rio is he doesn't hold grudges. It eats away at him until he explodes. If it weren't for the rugged exterior protecting his fragile self, I'd worry about him more than I already do.

The silent treatment lasted a few weeks until, eventually, the gang was back at our house like nothing ever happened.

The calm before the storm lasted for a few years, actually. Love, friendship, life, everything was peaceful, calm—without pain or anxiety.

Who would have known it would be the happiest I'd ever be?

Happiness.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

I was too preoccupied chasing a boy, too focused on my own bullshit. I didn't notice my mother was slipping away.

"Having the two of you was the happiest day of my life." She would tell us often.

Even as a kid, I understood she had her struggles. Father was busy with work, so she never really had the emotional support she deserved. Even still, she raised us with so much love and kindness that I knew her being a mom was what she always wanted.