Brown eyes

The mistake

After getting food and hanging with my sister a bit I went home, because honestly I didn't want to be around anyone and I was just so unmotivated I couldn't see a whole day through, but that wasn't the only time.
She picked me up a lot after that and my mom didn't care if I wanted to go or not, not because she didn't care but it was because she seen what I was facing and wanted me to get out more.
But all the other times I hung out with April, Alfonso, and I started talking to T more.
T was nice to a certain standard but you could tell he could get any girl he wanted and with no trouble at all, he was built and he had nice hair but I still knew to keep my distance.
About one month later my sister had picked me up and I wasn't mad about it because if kept me from dropping down lower than I still was and I just didn't want to go that route, so I got in my sister car and seen that T was with April and Alfonso once again. "Hey guys" I said in a neutral tone, looking at my sister, April said hello and so did Alfonso but when I looked at T he was staring at me with a look I have never seen and I'm not gonna lie I was quite nervous, "well hey" he said as his eyes slowly made themselves up my body, and I knew what he was doing and I was not going for it, I scooted closer to the door and rolled my eyes knowing he would notice my extreme irritation and put my headphones in. About 20 minutes later we were almost to where my sister stayed and I felt a hand touch my thigh gently almost as if didn't want to be noticed, that's when I snapped my headphone out of my ear and then turned my head and T's hand went up in the air "whoa chill" he said "April wants you" I stared at him with the deepest glare I could get out and looked at my sister " what do you want to eat" she said but her tone was serious and I knew that tone, that tone was for me to chill the hell out, so I sighed because I knew I kinda snapped and I also knew I had to apologize. " what are we getting?" I asked in a sweet tone almost as if I was apologizing to the way I acted, she sighed "lee's chicken" I thought for a second and told her " 5 piece tender meal with Mac and cheese and potato wedges please" April nodded and pulled in the drive thru, then I sighed because I knew I still had to apologize to T.
I gently turned my head with my eyes directed at the seat and looked up at him, he was currently playing his phone, I tapped him on his shoulder and spoke the correct way this time " I didn't mean to snap on you, I'm really sorry" he took in the apology and slowly smiled " it cool" and I smiled back.
After we went to aprils house I could feel the eyes staring at me like stars in the sky, "how are you doing" April said in a soft voice. I was quite, almost as waiting for her to answer her own question. I sighed and replied " well I'm not doing good at all" I said rudely then there was a silence that was thick as butter and I felt the anger in my body spreading, "kristy" my sister said as I was getting more heated"
"April I don't want to talk about it right now" then again the whole room was silent. I knew she was just trying to be there for me but I didn't care, I didn't want to hear the same shit over and over again, because hearing " oh she is not good for you" or " she is toxic" or " your to good for you" is just annoying and I don't know if I could take it anymore. But that's when I came back to earth and I realized I was being a complete bitch right now and I needed to apologize. "Listen April I can't do this right now and I don't mean to be mean but I already know what your gonna say because everyone says it" I said in a soft apologetic way. She was just staring at me but when I looked in her eyes I seen the rage but with a hint of sympathy almost as she didn't know what to feel and right before I went to say I was really sorry  she got up and spoke "come here" and motioning her hand towards her. Now there are 2 ways this could go, either I was gonna get yelled at or she was gonna give me a sympathy speech and honestly I didn't want either. As I got up and walked behind heading to her room I heard Alfonso and T whisper a few words but I couldn't really make out what they were saying and I really didn't care.
As I got in April's room I felt her eyes on me and let me tell you those eyes could do some damage so I sat on her bed and waited as she closed the door, and once she did that's when the water works hit, not because I was trying to get out of something but it was because I was tired of feeling this way and wishing she understood why I was acting this way. April turned around and seen my face and sighed, "I know how you feel kristy" she said with soft tone, " I felt this way with my ex but trust me it gets better but you have no reason to take it out on other people, we didn't break your heart..... she did" but her tone of voice was different almost as she didn't know how much emotion to put in it.
As I wiped my face off with my hands I felt 3 different ways 1. Depression 2. Anger and 3. Broken.

I felt empty at this point and she knew that but what could I do? I was going through a break up that I didn't want to go through. But I knew I shouldn't be mean or mad to anyone but my ex, but I didn't know how to let out my emotions the correct way. So hating other people was how I did it and I knew it was gonna come and bite me in the ass big time.