A warriors heart

Can i trust you

Can I Trust You?
    I opened the door and rubbed my eyes, feeling tired and sore all over. For two weeks now, me and Leo had been training a lot. Master Splinter had been keen on me getting control over my fighting skills. I enjoyed sparring with Leonardo, he was a very good opponent (usually). But lately, he's been really distant and it's been really awkward between us both. I wanted so badly to help him, but I was too afraid to ask what was wrong.
    As concerned as I really am, I don't know how to help and that pains me so much. I hate seeing people in pain... especially when they are people I care about. No, I can't... it's pointless... especially with how distant he's been. I need to stop. I'll just give him space and he'll be fine... I shook myself out of mythoughts and rushed over to April who was sitting on the couch watching the news. "Are we ready to go?" I asked, a hopeful glint in my eyes. "Yeah, I just need you to make sure you got everything before we go." She said simply. Ah yes, there she is. My adoptive, responsible older sister/best friend. I chuckled and picked up my stuff.
    April stood up, grabbed her phone & bookbag, and we made our way to the entrance of the lair. I turned and gave April a big smile, showing her how excited I was to return to the apartment. But as we started to go to the tunnel that would lead out into the main sewer system, I felt a sudden feeling of guilt. I felt bad for leaving the guys and Master Splinter, but I knew I would see them again soon. But for now, I gotta go back to the apartment. We carefully navigated the twists and turns and I couldn't help but wonder if these would one day be familiar to me. When we reached the end of the tunnel, I saw a ladder that reached upwards towards a large manhole cover. The realization that I had been living in the sewers for over a month had come back to me like a slap in the face.
    It took both me and April to lift the lid and climb up. When I had climbed out, the light from the sun overtook me and I took a deep breath of the polluted New York air. It smelled like car gas and hot dogs. I hated the smell so much and preferred the smell of the quiet suburban air I used to know back in Jersey. But that is a life I'll never get back. Me and April crossed the busy, traffic filled street using the crosswalk. When we arrived at the apartment, I ran into my room and pulled out a fresh pair of black athletic shorts with a navy blue tank top. I immediately opened the linen closet outside of my room and grabbed myself a towel. Oh yeah, time to wash all that sewer off of me. I must've wreaked!
    I stayed in the shower for a little while (actually a more realistic estimate would be like an hour and a half). After I had gotten out, I felt clean and relaxed. So, I put my ash brown, wavy, long hair into a messy bun that would impress even Kim Kardashian and I washed my face, taking careful precautions around my eyes. I loved my bathroom. It had light gray walls with baby blue shower curtains, and an inspirational Bob Ross quote framed on the bathroom counter. When I was finished, I inspected the inner part of my eye as I tried to get a stray eyelash out. Some random beam of sunlight rained in through the window, making my usually hazel eyes appear a deep greenish gold color. I was temporarily blinded for a second and cursed under my breath as I stubbed my toe on the corner of the door. I was definitely back home.
    I laid on my bed and stared out the windows of the balcony, watching the cars zooming past. I had a balcony out in front of my room that connected to April's dad's room (or my adoptive father). April came in, holding out a mug full of peppermint hot cocoa (my favorite drink EVER). She handed it to me and laughed as I inspected it. "Don't worry, Caly. I made sure there were exactly three marshmallows, extra whole milk, and of course... Your Queen Elizabeth holding a cup of tea mug." She said with a chuckle. I looked at her and laughed as I remembered how me and her went to the thrift store down the street and I found this mug on the shelf, collecting dust. I had begged and begged Mr. O'neil to buy it for me and eventually he caved when I had listed my five thousand reasons as to why I should own that mug.
    We haven't seen him for over a year because of him going missing. April has been very worried about him and I have tried to follow up on every lead I could find, but no sightings of him have been posted since so many years ago. "So, tell me about you and Leo!" She said suddenly, and the question itself made me almost drop my mug. I glanced at April's reflection in the window and shrugged. "There's not much to say, if I'm being completely honest. I mean there have been times when I thought he was really attractive and stuff, but that is just me being a 16 year old girl. I thought me and him were kind of becoming close, but now I doubt that." I said simply.
    "Why do you doubt the fact that you and him are friends? Weren't you two laughing and joking with each other just a few weeks ago?" She asked, cocking her head in confusion. "Well, he just became so distant for a while," I responded, now looking down at my melting marshmallows. She took a sip of her coffee and nodded. "So what happened before he became so reserved?" April asked. I then took a sip of the hot chocolate and thought back to when Leo had basically told me he needed space. "It had been the day that me and him first started training together. I had just asked him to show me himself without his mask and-" I narrowed my eyes at April as she wiggled her eyebrows at me.
    "What? Ew, stop doing that with your face, that is weird. Anyways, he eventually began to take off his bandana when Raph tackled me to the ground out of nowhere and declared he won and everything," I looked at April and she gestured for me to continue. Taking another sip of the cocoa, I resumed talking. "Then, when I was about to leave the room, I turned around and asked if he wanted to come, but he said that he needed to meditate for a bit. I had begun walking again when he called out my name but then hesitated and changed his mind." I huffed as I finished my sentence and April looked at me with a sly smile.
    "What? Why do you looking at me like that?" I bopped her on the head, making her laugh. "I think someone's jealous..." She said in a singsong voice. "Who? Me?" I asked. "No, idiot! I'm talking about Leo, you ding-dong! I think he was jealous of you and Raph, so he started to close himself off because of it. He probably thought you liked Raph more than him and that made him back off." I scoffed and looked away from April, setting my mug on the coffee table beside my bed. "Are you implying that Leo may actually like me?" I asked with a raised brow. "I mean, yeah... Either that or he is developing feelings for you but doesn't realize it yet." She said with a simple shrug. But then she looked at me and laughed. April must've seen my surprised expression because she then asked me the worst question possible...
    "Do you like him?" She asked, poking my arm.  My cheeks flushed and I tried my best to keep a poker face as I shook my head. She lifted her eyebrows and stared at me creepily. "Are you 100% sure?" She asked, bringing her face close to mine. That's it, she got me and I was toast. I caved and slowly breathed out.. "Fine. I do like him, or at least I think I do, but it's complicated." I said with a huff. "How so?" April asked as she leaned back and placed her mug in her lap. "Well, I find him extremely adorable and attractive, not to mention the fact that I worry a lot about him and try to impress him whenever given the chance," I said as my gaze drifted out the window. "Well how is that complicated?" She asked with a confused tone in her voice. "I just-- I guess the best explanation is I'm worried that if I end up committing to this, I'll end up getting rejected and everything." I heaved in a breath, realizing that I had just admitted to something that I had been denying for the past two months.
    "At least you are able to see how you feel. Not to mention the fact that Leo himself is giving signs of liking you as well." She said solemnly. I nodded and sighed. April placed down her coffee and hugged me tight. "Calypso, look at me." She said seriously and I looked at her in surprise as she used my real name. She was the only one who I let use it... the only one who I truly trusted. "I promise everything will be alright. I'm telling you to go for this and strangle it by the neck," She said but then corrected herself. "I mean don't actually strangle Leo, but don't give up on your feelings just because of the possibility of failure." She said and I sighed. There was that classic 'big sister' advice that she frequently gave me.
    I nodded and April let go of me, grabbing her mug. She walked out of my room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I looked out the window and noticed how dark it had gotten. My eyes felt heavy from the hot chocolate and my limbs seemed like jello beneath me. I yawned and crawled under my covers, pulling them up to my face. After what seemed like an hour, I closed my eyes.
    It had been at least a week since we had returned to the apartment, and today me and April were going shopping at the mall. I was so excited and couldn't wait to go try on this cute outfit that I saw in a magazine she had shown me. It was a short, pale pink, strapless dress with a blue denim jacket that had rips and holes in the sleeves. In the photo, the model wore the jacket on only her arms and allowed the back of the jacket to wrap around her back. I was so gonna rock this outfit. April had chosen a floral blouse that would make her bright blue eyes and ginger hair stand out.
    I sat in front of my vanity mirror and smiled at the polaroid photos that hung from a piece of yarn, using wooden clips. Each photo was of a different moment in my life when I was having a lot of fun. One of my favorites was me and April putting lipstick all over Mr O'neil... he had lost a bet with us. I picked up my curling iron and plugged it into the outlet. After waiting for about two minutes, it was heated up completely, and I started curling my hair. April knocked on the door randomly. "Hey Cal, are you ready yet? If not, how much longer do you think you'll be?" She asked. I looked down at my phone and tapped on the screen, seeing the time. I pursed my lips and squinted at my reflection. "No more than an hour! I'm curling my hair!" I responded. "Oooo, cute! Alright, meet me in the kitchen when you're done!" She called. "Okay, be there soon!" I heard her footsteps leaving and continued curling my hair.
    I had finished and used my comb to gently brush through the curls. They waved gently through my hair, making my ash brown hair glint a grayish color in random spots. My natural hair looked like Shakira's. It was very wavy and poofy sometimes, which frustrated me for no reason. Don't even get me started on trying to brush it. Now that, was a nightmare. I finished curling my hair about 45 minutes after April knocked on my door and got ready. I wore a pair of pale blue shorts with rips and a tan shirt with slight ruffles on the sleeves. For my feet, I chose my favorite pair of converse and grunted as I got pulled them on.  
I finished getting ready and went to the kitchen, seeing April laughing at something on her phone. I arched my eyebrow and walked over to her, trying to look over her shoulder. She quickly turned off her phone and looked at me with a scowl. "Who was that?" I asked, giggling. "No one important..." She said nervously. I crossed my arms and stepped back a bit. "Was it Donnie?" I asked. She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Okay fine, yes, it was Donnie." She said hesitantly. "Hm," I mumbled. "What? Why did you say, 'hm'?" She shot back. "No reason! Now come on! That dress is calling my name!" I exclaimed and April laughed and we headed down the stairs of the apartment complex, and went to the car.
When we arrived at the mall, I immediately hopped out of the car and started jumping up and down, squealing as I saw someone wearing a Star Wars t-shirt. April laughed and shut her door. Being 23, she was able to drive by herself, meaning we could go wherever. As she walked beside me towards the entrance of the mall, she threw her head back and laughed. I raised an eyebrow and looked at her funny. She looked at me and showed me her phone. It was a picture of Leo with a blushing butterfly filter on. I looked down at the bottom of the picture, to where there was text that said, "Have fun!". I know it was meant for April and me as a joke because clearly Donnie had taken the photo.
I chuckled at the picture, and said, "Awww". I felt a knot in my stomach because I honestly missed the guys. April noticed my facial expression and patted my back. "Are you okay? Do you miss your boyfriend?" She said, grinning widely. I laughed hard, and wiped the tears forming from how hard I was laughing. "He's not my boyfriend and yes. I am okay." I responded and turned back to the doors, pulling one open and walking into the mall. I gasped as I saw the store where the dress was. I turned back to April and she must've known exactly what I was thinking because she laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the store. When we entered the store, I looked around for the dress and found it in the clearance section. I ran to it, exhaling in relief as it was the last one in my size. Okay, got the dress, now I just need the jacket! Frantically looking around and running through the store, April came to me holding the jacket and I hugged her as she handed it to me.
"Calypso?" I heard a voice say and I turned around.. My eyes widened as I took in the person in front of me. I stepped back and heaved in a breath. It was my old nemesis from karate so many years ago. "Kent? What are you doing here?" I asked frantically. "Nothin' really... Honestly, I was just checking out the place. It looked cool." He said, grinning goofily. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. He turned his gaze from me to April, widening his own eyes. I looked from him to my sister as she turned to him, laughing. I slapped my forehead and groaned. So this is what we are doing, huh? I mean, if I'm being honest, this guy looks like he got hit in the face by a dump truck.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the cash register. "Can we please buy our stuff and get outta' here?" I asked desperately. April shook her head and looked at me. "I mean yeah, but what's making you want to leave so bad?" She asked skeptically. I huffed and gestured to Mr. Junk Truck over there who noticed April looking at him. He placed a hand behind his head, grinning. "I want to leave because he is here. Ever since I failed that test. I couldn't face Kent again. I don't want to be around him anymore. That's why I want to leave. I thought you knew about that?" She looked back at me and huffed. "Yeah, alright, we'll go..." She said, sounding upset. I hated that I was doing this to her, and I felt so selfish for it. But, I know it was for the best in more ways than one.
The drive back was full of awkward silence until I finally spoke. "April, I'm sorry... I just can't face painful reminders like that . . ." I said as I reached over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It's fine. I should've remembered what happened to you.." She quickly turned her head to me and gave me a shallow smile before turning her attention back to the road. When we got back, I slowly went to my room. I tried on the outfit and loved everything about it. I took a picture and sent it to April. She responded almost immediately saying, "Cute! Great choice!". She was always so supportive... and for that I am grateful. I changed into my pajamas (a t-shirt and pants that were too big, so they covered my feet and wrinkled at my ankles). I looked through my window and noticed the darkening sky. I yawned and closed my eyes, when I heard a knock on the balcony door.
I jumped up, thinking the thugs had found me again but to my surprise, it was actually Leo. He looked at me nervously and then gave an awkward wave. I stood up and opened the door, with a confused expression on my face. He placed his hand behind his head and said, "Hey..." He said with a crooked smile. I turned around and made sure April wasn't there. When I looked back at him. I sighed and closed the doors, then stepped outside with him. I made my way to the railing and hoisted myself on top of it. "Hey, is everything okay?" I asked, my insides knot up at just the simple sight of him. For a second, he stared at me before looking away at the sky. "Nothing that bad, but I came here to see if me and you could talk... if you're okay with it?" He asked softly.
I slid off the railing and came a bit closer to him, a sympathetic look in my eyes. "Of course we can talk. What's up?" He looked back at me and sighed. He hesitated but then looked back at the street. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you this late. We can do this later." Leo said as he began to climb off the balcony. I opened my mouth in protest and ran over to him, grabbing his hand. "Don't leave, Leo, please. You came here for a reason, and you need to talk." I said seriously. He glanced back at me and took in a deep breath. I helped him up and we both then sat on the floor. "Now, what is bothering you?" I asked, tying my hair up in a bun. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. I could tell this was hard for him, but I didn't want to pressure him to talk, so I placed my hand on his knee and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
What Leo said next threw me completely off guard. He opened blue eyes, a serious expression on his face. "Can I trust you?" He asked, the intensity of his gaze making me shudder. It took everything in me to not look away. I slowly nodded once, taking in a breath. "Do you remember when we were training, and Raph thought it would be a great idea to just tackle you?" He asked patiently. I raised my eyebrows and made a soft 'mhm' noise. How could I not remember? That's when he shut me out. "Well, when you and Raph were laughing together . . ." He stopped for a moment, seeming both anxious and hesitant to finish his sentence. He slid his gaze from my eyes to my hand. I realized my hand had lingered on his knee and quickly took it off of him. "Sorry, please continue?" He looked back at me and chuckled. "I was honestly jealous."
I raised my eyebrows and looked away, taking in what he had just said. April was right! HAHA, he might actually like me! But, was he sure if that ended up being the case?  I'm pretty confident that Leo took my reaction in a negative way because he placed a hand on his face and sighed. "Donnie told me this was a bad idea." He said, sounding defeated. I looked back at him and shook my head. "Leo, no. It's okay, I'm just uh... shocked?" I couldn't tell if he believed me, but he took his hand off of his face and glanced at me warily. I gave him a wonky smile, making him laugh, which was a sound that gave me butterflies. "So if you were jealous, is that why you avoided me?" I asked and he gave me a slow, hesitant nod. I wondered why that would make him act the way he did for such a long period of time.
Almost as if he were reading my mind, he spoke. "I didn't know how to react. I thought that I was being stupid for even thinking I could . . ." He sighed, trailing off at the end of his sentence. Suddenly it made so much sense, he wasn't rejecting me. He thought I was rejecting him! I looked at him with the most empathetic look I could muster. "Leo, I thought I made it clear that I didn't think of you like that?" I said, feeling guilty. But then I thought about the times me and Raph had interacted. Leo had always been present and in every memory, he seemed upset or disapproving. Anyone else would've thought of that as possibly selfish, but I honestly couldn't blame him.
He had no experience with any other girls besides Karai. He had trusted her, and if the tiny voice in the back of my mind wouldn't have said anything, I wouldn't have realized that he possibly had liked her. But she betrayed him aCeceording to the story he had shared with me. So, did he like her? I started to wonder more but was pulled out of my thoughts when Leo reached over and poked my foot. "You okay?" He asked, his bandana bunching up as he furrowed his brow. I nodded but then gave him a puzzled look. "What's that look for?" He asked, cocking his head slightly. "If I ask you something, do you promise not to get mad?" I asked with my hands in my lap. He raised a brow at me, obviously confused. "I won't, but I can't promise that I won't get defensive." He said calmly and I nodded.
"Did you ever like Karai?" I finally asked, taking on a poker face. Leo looked at me, surprised at my question. He glanced away but then turned his gaze back to me and amusement played his face like a guitar. "Why do you want to know? You already know she betrayed my trust." He asked with a child like glint in his eyes. I took that as a challenge, and returned his question with one of my own. "Well, why were you jealous of me and Raph?" I shot back at him, a cocky smile taking over my face. He raised his brow and looked down. "Touche," He muttered. I noticed a slight dimple that formed in the left corner of his mouth when he smiled. So adorable... Oh my gosh, I couldn't handle it.
Leo took in a breath and then looked me in the eyes. "To answer your question, yes. I had something for her but then I eventually lost those feelings because she had betrayed us. I thought there was something in her, but obviously there never was." He shrugged and I nodded as he said that. Oddly enough, however, something inside me felt like a weight had been lifted. But it came right back when I felt the urge to tell him about my past. I looked away from him and breathed heavily. I was going to do this. He deserves to know. I glanced warily at him.. "If I tell you about my past, can you keep it between us until I'm ready to tell the others?" I asked. He looked at me seriously, and narrowed his eyes. But he then nodded and sat on his knees, watching me expectantly.
I closed my eyes and let the memories come back to me. I took a steady breath and opened my eyes . "My mother had placed me in martial arts classes when I was very, very young. But I wasn't ready to fully defend myself until I was ten. That was when my final test to prove my skills in martial arts had come. But when I failed the test, it was because I had broken my opponent's leg and arm. I was instructed by the 'Sensei' at the time to finish him. But I couldn't do it. By the time I had returned home, my mother forced me out into the street, yelling at me to leave and never come back." I said as I brought my arms around myself, beginning to feel tears fall down my face in front of him.
I hoped this proved how much I trusted Leo and that he was someone I could rely on. "I wasn't good enough for them, all because I wasn't the ruthless, killing machine of a fighter they had trained me to be," I said in between my sobs. I burrowed my face into my knees and cried. Leo got up and then crouched down beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. He then hesitantly pulled me into a hug and held me there, stroking my back gently. I rested my head on his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall as he breathed. "Don't blame yourself, Cece. You can't help the past, but you can decide your future. Yes, your life may have fallen apart all those years ago, but look at you now. You are a master at fighting with one of the most difficult weapons to master. Not to mention the fact that you have me, April, Raph, Mikey, Donnie, and Master Splinter all here for you." He said softly.
    I wrapped my arms around him and breathed slowly, trying to calm down. He rested his head on top of mine and closed his eyes. We sat there in each other's embrace until Leo's intercom vibrated. He sighed and used one of his arms to get it. He then listened to the staticy voice that came through which was apparently from Raph, and then breathed heavily. "I have to go back home... but thanks for letting me talk with you. Also, thanks for telling me about your past. I'm glad I got to see you . . ." He said, as a warm look filled his eyes. I gave him one more hug before letting go. He stood up, and held out his hand to help me up. I took it and let my hand linger there while me and him gazed at each other. I noticed the way his blue eyes lit up when he was happy. He smiled softly and poked my forehead. I stood there like a dork as he chuckled silently and stepped back. He waved at me before jumping off the balcony.
I watched as he ran away, leaping over the buildings and disappeared into the distance. I sighed and breathed in deeply. Leo was without a doubt one of the most amazing people--well, mutants I had ever met. I don't know what the feeling was that I had been experiencing. I felt warm and tingly all over, but most of all, I had an overwhelming urge to be held by him again. I turned around, humming a song that was stuck in my head. As I opened the door, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. As I lifted it to my face, I saw the image of Leo's contact (It was Luke Skywalker). I read his text in my head and smiled. It said, "Hey, thanks again for the talk tonight... I really am sorry about your past. But to cheer you up, meet me at the alley tomorrow. " I responded with a thumbs up emoji and walked to my bed. I flopped onto my back and folded my hands over my chest, falling asleep.
When I woke up, April was shaking me. I looked up at her, still feeling groggy from last night's late talk. She had a desperate expression on her face and suddenly, I jolted up and asked her what was wrong. She scrunched her eyes shut and took in ragged breaths, shaking her head. I furrowed my brow, and yelled at her. "April, get it together! What happened? What's wrong?" She took in a shuddering breath but then looked at me, focused. "Donnie sent me an alert saying that he and the guys were captured by Shredder. The lair has been destroyed again and we need to get down there, NOW!" I widened my eyes, my heart pumping faster than it had ever before. I got up as quickly as I could and threw on my black athletic shorts and a random t-shirt that ironically was 'Star Wars' themed. How convenient.
We practically sprinted the entire way to the alley. Once we had opened up the manhole cover, I dropped in first, drawing my Tachi. I squinted in the darkness, trying to see if there was any movement. April randomly plopped down beside me and I jumped back, nearly slashing her arm. "Watch out, Caly! You almost stabbed me!" She whispered and I huffed. "Well, I didn't, so you have no reason to complain!" I whispered harshly. She rolled her eyes and held a gun in her hand. It was the small handgun that she usually kept in her glove box. I heard something clank against the wall and turned to face where the sound had come from. I scanned the area, seeing no signs of motion. I sighed and stood up for a second, tying my hair back into a high ponytail. Sweat dripped down my forehead, running down my cheek. I wiped it off quickly with the back of my hand.
We took one more scan before running the rest of the way through the tunnels, eventually reaching the lair. I was the first to step into the lair, followed by April shortly after. I crouched down when I saw movement coming from near the training platform. I narrowed my eyes and quickly told April to get down. I slowly made my way to the person on the ground, trying to be silent. As I prepared to fight, I gasped when I realized the person on the ground was actually Raphael. I sheathed my sword and fell to my knees, reaching over him to flip him towards me. I grunted as I heaved him over. He groaned and opened his eyes, realizing it was me.
"Cece-? You're here? No, that's not okay... you need to run... th-they took-" He said through gritted teeth. I gently placed my hands on his shoulders. "Raph, stay with me. Who did 'they' take? Where are your brothers?" I asked frantically. April ran over and gasped loudly, dropping her gun and crouched beside me. I looked at where Raph had his arms covering a deep wound on his torso. April must've seen it because she got a rag and placed it firmly on his wound. "The Foot came and we had to fight them... Sensei was attacked first and Leo tried to save him but got impaled by Shredder. Donnie and Mikey were able to pull Leo back before that A-hole could finish him," He said, breathing raggedly. I stood up and heaved in and out, struggling to breathe. They all saved me, now it was my turn to save them.