I walked with you once upon a dream (Mandos x OC/Reader)

8.

Lóthperian spent most of the next two weeks evenings walking with Námo in the garden in privacy, away from all eyes except Elrond, who neither of the two expected was watching them.

Lóthperian found herself enjoying more and more the company of the Vala of Death, walking in the gardens with him, talking quietly together in the library or simply smiling at each other from afar as Elrond spoke and told stories to the younger elves in the evening. Though Lóthperian did not yet know, Elrond had noticed the uptick in her mood. She smiled a little more, her eyes shone brighter, and she laughed more at his dad jokes.

But sometimes at night she thought of her future and which one of the three paths she'd take. It only came to her mind late at night, when the stars and moon were out in full. She knew well even before the Vala entered her life that one day she'd choose between death or staying with her ada and one day (perhaps soon) go to Valinor, where she'd live forever.

And now a third option was thrown into the basket, to marry and love Námo forever. To go to his halls and help him console fëas. She didn't know how much help she'd be to console and comfort the dead. Worrying that she'd only be a burden and annoy Námo instead of helping.

Lóthperian also wondered if there was a place in Valinor for a half halfling such as herself. She already stood out like a sore thumb in Rivendell due to her appearance and heritage. If she went to Valinor, surely she'd stick out even more, with or without Elrond.

And then there was the prospect of Elrond to put into the mix. It would hurt him deeply if she chose the gift of men, dying and going to be with Eru until the second music of the Ainur. Lóthperian wondered if it would be selfish for her to take the gift of men, leaving behind the man who raised her forever and also the Vala who loved her.

And if she stayed with Elrond in Rivendell until he left, would Námo leave her? Having to go back to his halls to work, most likely never seeing her again.

But if she took the gift of men, she could go be with Eru and possibly meet her mother and have eternal peace and rest until the second music. But it'd disappoint and sadded those she cared for and what if her mother wasn't there? That thought scared her.

All these prospects scared and excited her. She felt like and knew that she couldn't please everyone. Despite her pleasing hobbitish nature, someone she cared about would be let down. And what about her own desires? Lóthperian thought it was a little selfish of her whichever option she took. And on top of that she didn't know what she really wanted, everything had its positives and negatives.

This drove her to the brink of pacing around her room one Thursday afternoon, making her break into a nervous sweat. She fell into her bed on her face, groaning in existential dread. She wondered if this is how Elros, Elrond's twin brother, had felt. On days like this she wished she didn't have a choice, but then again she wouldn't be Lóthperian without her hobbit or elf side.

On the other side of the house a certain Vala was going over some similar things in his own head.

Námo was sitting down in his room, a window opening, letting in the cool summer breeze. He had been pondering some important issues, mainly about Lóthperian for the past few days. His biggest fear on his mind was if he really had anything to offer Lóthperian.

Although she was always happy with him and he loved her dearly, would that be enough to convince her to marry him? To go to Valinor with him and help in his sometimes grim work? Would she be willing to be around the dead, leaving behind her adar Elrond and Rivendell forever? Or would she rather take the gift of death and go be with Eru?

Námo felt as if he had little to offer her other than his love and protection. He worried if he was being selfish by wanting Lóthperian to be with him. It was her life after all, and she had many choices. Would he be a part of her future?