Coping || STEDDIE

Prologue

(Major S4 spoilers, also sorry to start with angst but like idc)

Steve couldn't help his feelings, he hid them in front of the kids, they didn't deserve that. He hid them in front of Robin and Nancy, they were too busy helping the kids sort through their emotions.

But when he got home that first night, the night after killing Vecna; he let it all out.

He'd never really been a crier, when his dad was around he didn't put up with sob stories or anything else. But this really fuckin hurt him. He sat on his bed, his elbows on his knees and his hands on either side of his head. He was crying, but again, he didn't really know how. So it was just a small stream of stifled sobs.

He had kept Eddie's vest, it sat with the front facing him. Eddie's various pins and embroideries looking back at him. He couldn't help but wonder if Eddie had been wearing the vest, the extra layer of protection, would he still be here.

The thought made Steve choke out another sob, it was all his fault. He was the protector, no matter the age, and that was his family. He let his family down, and now they were paying for it.

He was grateful that everyone else was mostly okay, but that wasn't enough. He wasn't sure why, but Eddie felt like more. He was more. And Steve didn't even get the chance to figure it out.

Steve's hands gripped his hair and he started pulling, not enough to pull it out, but enough to hurt. He didn't know how to cope with the feeling, the extreme guilt and agony he felt. For a moment he felt the pain in his chest dull in comparison to the pain in his scalp, but he forced himself to stop pulling his hair.

He was heaving, the pain was unbearable. He threw his head back and hugged himself, letting out a loud scream-sob. He wasn't sure what he really felt worse about, letting someone he had yet to grow close to die, or the look on Henderson's face when they found him.

Almost unwillingly, Steve let his mind go back to the scene just hours ago.

"Eddie- Eddie please come back to me. EDDIE"Dustin's voice was broken and cracking as he sobbed, he watched the life leave Eddie's features and he gripped Eddie's curls, trying to will him back to life.

Dustin let out a wail in pain, and bent forward over Eddie's corpse. His sobs soaking the already blood soaked shirt and jacket.

Just minutes later he heard the fast footsteps of the three adults running towards him.

"Henderson? Henderson where's Munson?" Steve yelled from a few yards away.

"Oh my god.." Nancy gasped, she was the first to reach Dustin and Eddie, tears springing into her eyes. She ran to the side of the trailer and vomited, Robin looked back at her and then to Dustin, her own features contorting into an expression of horror and anguish.

Steve was the last to approach, having seen the reactions of Robin and Nancy he was weary, and already incredibly worried.

"Oh..." Steve's voice turned soft, he approached Dustin and Eddie's corpse slowly, his hands reached out like Dustin was a feral animal. "Dustin, Dustin come here.."

Dustin gripped Eddie's corpse harder and stared down at Eddie's demo-bat eaten chest. "No. I'm not leaving him." He said gasping for air in between sobs.

"Dustin, Dustin we have to." Steve said, trying to be comforting, but his own voice was breaking.

"NO." Dustin screamed, his sobs only growing harder. Steve could hear Robin beside him trying to stifle her own sobs, but she was failing miserably. He looked at her and saw she was on the ground with her knees to her chest, biting her knuckle with tears streaming down her face.