Jade
"I'm sorry." Perrie mumbled, looking up at me.
SHE'S sorry? She's laying in front of me in a hospital bed. Thankfully the damage isn't severe, just some bumps and bruises and a broken ankle.
The point is, all of it is my fault, and she tells me SHE'S sorry. I feel terrible. Even worse than before. On top of me potentially having a kid outside of our marriage, she now has a cast on her ankle and needs crutches to walk.
It's been a week. Probably the longest week of my life. She's still in the hospital, being monitored for some internal and external damage from the accident.
Insurance claims have been an absolute headache. Lawyers are involved now. She's got bruises and cuts in various places on her body. Even her face.
All because of me. I was the reason we were there. I was the reason we were arguing, and I was the reason she backed into the streets anyway. She was trying to get away from me.
It's been hell running back and forth to this hospital. Taking care of her, and Zahra. I can't sleep here with her. I have to leave her every day to take care of our daughter who's been at Sam and Leigh's since we've come back here.
She's restless, and I know she misses Perrie and is ready to go home. Me too. And I know for a fact Perrie has to be ready to get out of here.
I still don't even know if that other kid is mine or not. At this point, I don't care. Jessica has caused enough damage to my marriage in the short amount of time she's popped back into my life.
I don't care anymore.
Okay. I kind of do. I don't know how to not care. Not about her. Fuck her. The kid. However he got here, he didn't ask for it. He deserves to know both of his parents.
Again, whoever the other one is.
I'm really hoping I'm not one of them. I can't handle that, and I don't want to put that on Perrie. I don't need any more kids, unless it's with my wife. I have my baby girl. I'm good.
"Shhh." I said softly, reaching down and holding her hand. "This is all my fault. I'm the one who's sorry."
She shook her head.
"Thankfully I'm okay. I'm in a lot of pain right now, but I'm okay. I could've just died. That—"
"Don't say that!" I said, shaking my head and squeezing her hand.
"Let me finish." She said. "It's the truth. That could've been it, and look at what our last words would've been. Look at how things would've ended between us. I don't want that. I don't want to fight with you."
"I don't want to fight either." I replied. "It's killing me. I love you to death, Perrie. I don't care about anyone else. You and my daughter are all that matter to me."
"I love you too, Jade. I swear I do. I know you want to believe you don't care. I know you probably wish that were true, but I know you. You do. You care, and I need to be okay with that. I can't expect you not to. I need to accept that. Your heart is big, and that's the very reason I love you so much. You can't just turn that off." She said, still looking up at me.
"I would." I replied.
"If you could. I know." She nodded.
"I just... we can't keep doing this. I need you. And I hate fighting with you." I shook my head.
"Me too. The thing is... we've said that before, but then we turn around and still fight." She replied. "I'm exhausted, and I know you are."
"Tell me what to do." I said, squeezing her hand and feeling my eyes water. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt us anymore than I already have. I just don't know what to do next. Every time I try, I just hurt you more."
