Perrie
"No."
I swear to God, I felt my whole world crash down around me. My heart just split and splintered into a million tiny pieces. This couldn't be it. Please don't let this be it. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if there was anything I could say. I know we weren't on the best terms, but I have to admit I wasn't expecting her to say that. I wasn't expecting her to be done for real.
I pushed her one too many times. She's right. I am selfish. I've been nothing but selfish, and I'm so sorry. I've put my own needs before hers since the beginning. She's not wrong for calling me toxic. I hate it, but she's right. I'm no good for her, but I need her. I can change. I can fix it. I HAVE to fix it because can't imagine my life without her anymore.
These weeks she's been gone have been hell for my mental health. Those nights I used to sit up and wait for her to come home safely while she ran the streets with her crew, it's all multiplied.
It worries me even more that she's back with them, because now she's not coming home at all. I don't know if she's safe. I don't know what's happening with her, because she doesn't talk to me unless it's about our kids. She was very serious when she said that.
"D-don't say that. Can we j-just start over? Please? I love you, Jade." I said, hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
I really messed this up. We had a good thing, and I've been bending her and bending her and bending her, and now she's finally broken. I cried even harder, thinking about it.
"I love you too, baby. So much." She said quietly. "And I really hate to say it, but I think you may have been right when you asked for that divorce."
"No. No." I shook my head quickly. "I didn't meant it! I didn't mean that, Jade!"
"I think we may have rushed—"
"No! Please don't say that! I'm so sorry!" I shook my head, my tears pouring now.
"Fuck, I hate this." She sighed, leaning back in her seat.
"Then stop!" I cried.
"I don't think we're healthy together, baby." She said, wiping her eyes.
"All of this because of him?" I asked, gesturing to our daughter's bedroom where her son was playing.
"No. God!" She groaned, sitting up and running her hands through her hair. "This isn't about anybody but us. Can't you see? We keep ending up here! Something's not clicking between us, and I don't know why you can't see that."
"So you just quit?" I cried. "You just give up, like this meant nothing to you!"
"I didn't quit... I'm not... it's just... maybe we really do need a break." She said.
"What are you talking about, Jade?" I asked. "We don't need a break. We need to stay together. I should've never asked you to leave in the first place. I know that now. I'm sorry. But we can fix this!"
"Can we? You don't even know what's broken. You still think this is all because of him." She said.
"If you would just talk to me!" I yelled, and she turned to look at me.
"Are you fucking serious?" She asked angrily, and I immediately wished I could swallow my words. "You can't be serious. I've BEEN trying to talk to you and all you do is push me away! You make all these promises and do all of this pillow-talking about how much you love me, and how you'll never leave me, and the second shit doesn't go your way, you're done! And you don't give a fuck who you hurt in the process! Then you say sorry, and like a fool I forgive you every time. I don't want your apologies if you're just going to keep doing this. Apologize when you're actually going to change, because I'm not going to keep doing this with you. Sorry does not fix everything, Perrie!"
