Perrie
"How are you?" I asked Jade as she rolled out of bed and started looking around for her clothes.
"I'm good." She replied flatly, not even looking up, as if we were strangers or something.
I felt sick. I hurt her badly this time. She's so cold now, and it's my fault. I haven't seen her in a few days. Haven't heard from her either. She called only because she wanted to take Zahra out for ice cream today, and barely said two words to me when she came to get her.
It was late when they got back, so she took her straight to bed and tucked her in. Then she pushed me into our bedroom and once again, we had sex. I don't know how to say no to her, because I want it too. It's only after she leaves, I realize just how much it's NOT helping anything, and how used I feel.
Once she put her underwear on, she walked in the closet and walked back out shortly with a duffel bag on her shoulder. Then she started stuffing it with clothes. Every weekend it's been the same thing for the past three weeks. She's slowly taking all of her things, and it hurts to watch.
She comes to get Zahra, takes her out, brings her home and puts her to bed, we have rough angry sex, she packs another bag, and she leaves. And I don't hear from her again until the next weekend. I can't talk to her. She won't let me. And she doesn't seem interested in saying much of anything that isn't either about Zahra, my pregnancy, or a moan.
I would say that the fact that she still wants me gives me hope for us, but it doesn't. It just feels like a convenience for her. She's not making love to me. I don't feel loved at all. She's literally just fucking me, and then leaving, and I'm letting her because I miss her and our intimacy. Though there's nothing intimate about us right now. She's using me.
I guess I would rather she use me than someone else though. That's sad, I know, but this is what we've become.
"Jade..." I said, still trying to talk to her, and still unsuccessful.
It's been three weeks, and I don't know how she's doing for real, and that sickens me. I really miss her. She kept walking, and once she got her pants and shirt on, she grabbed her duffel bag and put her hand on the doorknob.
"Jade!" I yelled.
She stopped and turned around.
"Is the baby okay?" She asked, and I furrowed my brows.
"Yes, the baby's fine, Jade." I replied.
"So is Zahra, so you and I have nothing to talk about." She said, turning to leave again.
"Please stop this!" I cried. "Come home."
"I don't have a home, Perrie." She said, pulling open the door.
"Yes you do!" I said. "Your home is here, with us. Come back to bed and let's work this out."
"Now you want to work it out?" She laughed. "Save it. I've got a drop tonight. I can't stay here with you."
I got up from the bed as quickly as I could, which was a lot quicker now that I've moved from a full cast to just a boot. I walked over to her, and before she could fully get out of the door, I snatched her t-shirt.
"Jade!" I yelled.
"What, Perrie?" She said, snatching away from me and turning around. "What do you want? Let me go! I don't want to be here! I can't be here!" She said, her voice cracking as her eyes filled with tears, breaking my heart.
"Why can't you be here, Jade? I'm asking you to stay. I'm begging you." I said.
"Just like you begged me to leave." She said. "Do you know how much it hurts me to not put my daughter to bed every night, and to not make her breakfast every morning? To not play with her everyday, and see her face? To not take my baby to school, and pick her up? YOU pushed me out. And I had to be the one to explain to her why I only ever see her on weekends now, because you never like to be the bad guy. YOU did that to me!" She cried.
