are you ready to love? // jaywon ff

what's best for us

he gasped for air as he searched the station. no sign of jungwon. just then, he noticed a small figure crouching at the corner of the entrance. he stopped in his tracks as guilt swallowed him. jungwon was hugging his legs in the biting cold, his face red and puffy from the freezing weather, watching people walk past him.

jungwon was already starting to lose hope.
no calls and no texts. i bet he doesn't even care anymore.

after a moment, jay rushed towards the younger and knelt down in front of him, scooping his puffy cheeks. he tried to hide his pain as he crouched down. thankfully, the cut on his cheek wasn't that deep and the younger didn't notice.

"you're so cold. i'm so sorry." jay said as he took off his scarf and wrapped it around the younger.

"get lost." jungwon said angrily. it was supposed to be a happy occasion.

"i'm sorry." jay said as he stared at the ground. jungwon stood up and got ready to leave. he knew this familiar feeling all too well. the feeling where he was the only one putting the effort in this relationship.

"why are you so late anyway? do you know how long i have been waiting for you?" jungwon raised his voice.

" i know i know. i'm sorry alright? something happened at work and i had to work overtime and-" jay said but was cut off by the younger.

"it's always about your work. think about what you have done for us. now all you do is work. it's like i'm not even there. i know that you're doing it for me. but this is a two people relationship. we are supposed to share our burdens, not take it all alone. you're being way too selfish. i have never asked you to take up more jobs, and neither have i asked you to work harder. why are you doing this to yourself? why are you doing this to me?" jungwon cried out.

"you're right. jungwon, do you remember that day when you asked me what i wanted do in the future? i said i wasn't sure but truth to be told, all i wanted was to protect you. i wanted to protect you. i wanted to give you a better life, but i can't even do that for myself. i'm struggling. everyday is a struggle for me. every morning i'm reminded by the fact that i have lost all my family. we are both broken people who have a void in our hearts. i know you always try your best to support me, then why do you still cry yourself to sleep? it's because of your grandma. i know that all too well, jungwon. but i can't give you the support you need." jay finally let out all his feelings, tears swelling up in his eyes.

"let's go our separate ways. we are in no position to love." jay said, looking into the younger's red eyes.

"do we really have to do this?" jungwon asked, but deep down, he knew that it was for the best. he too, was drained from the relationship and had his own wounds to heal.

jay ignored him and handed him the bouquet of flowers before turning his back on jungwon.

i guess this is it, jay.
goodbye,  jungwon.