𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 | 𝟏𝟖+

| 𝟎.𝟏

—

"Grief is not a disorder, disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve."

—

Everybody dies.

It's just a matter of when, where, and how.

My grandfather was a good man, a person full of hope, love, and whimsical imagination. He never failed to make you smile. He always bragged to the neighbors about grandma's baking, especially her ginger snaps. He lived a well-deserved life, and even in the end...his face was graced with a smile.

I never knew how a person could smile in the face of death. Assuming the devil was real and God decided where your soul was sent. It almost belittled my consciousness dry at how easygoing he was. My grandma, on the other hand, was a sobbing mess. They had been together for thirty-five years and counting. They met back in high school, so high school sweethearts. They fell in love, married shortly after in the state of Forks, Washington, and then proceeded to have my mom.

And soon after she graduated—she met dad. She described him as the most charming man in the world. He would write her poems and sing her her favorite songs. Dad was a bit of a suck-up for grandma, and that's why grandpa loved him. He was gentle and kind, always finding a way to make mom smile, as grandma says. He was amazing.

Then they had me, Jamie. I grew up in a small town of forks with my parents and grandparents up until the accident; I was sixteen then. It was too much for my mom, and we moved away, leaving everything I knew and my grandparents behind.

Now...well, now my moms remarried to this fuck-face named Calvin who doesn't know when to piss off. He's everything you'd despise in a man. Rude, selfish, disgusting, a lowlife, and most of all, a fucking pervert.

Fortunately for me, after many arguments, my mom and I agreed that I would be able to return to my grandparents' house every summer. Only this time, it's different.

This time—it's permanent.

One day, I came home from work when I saw mom on the couch, crying. She was holding something tightly in her hand, and with concern, I grabbed it. Reading it over, I began to tear up as well.

Grandpa passed away.

"Mommy? Sissy? What's wrong?"

I look to see my little brother Riley in his starry space pajamas. His expression was confused, and his small hands clenched the hallway frame.

"Nothings wrong. Go back upstairs and play, okay? I'll be up in a few," I reassured him.

He nodded, and I listened as his little feet watered away, his door closing with a slight click. I look back at mom silently. "What are we going to do?"

She sniffles and rubs her face with her hands. "We pray that the Lord guide him above and that grandma is protected by all means."

I stare in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding."

Her brown eyes stared daggers through mine. "Don't question gods word and my faith, Jamilyn!"

"Are you not concerned for grandma's well-being?! She's alone and can barely stand on her own two feet—she needs us!" I throw my hands up as if the answer is obvious.

"What she needs is to pray for her safety—"

"Oh, for fuck sake!"

"Don't use that language in this house, young lady! Jamilyn—hey! You get back here this instant."

I drown out her voice as I frown with displeasure at the staircase and hallway leading to his room, surrounded by random beer bottles. Fucking Calvin.

I open my brother's door silently, only to not see him. I sigh, walking up to his bed and crouching. "C'mon, lee. You can't hide there all day."

"Are you and mommy done fighting? You know how she feels about that language," he reminded me.

I sigh again, inner turmoil consuming my belly, making it hard to digest the known fact. "I know; I'm sorry, buddy. Now c'mon out so we can play."

His head peeked out, followed by his hands and legs. Then he stood before me with slightly red eyes. I wipe any remaining ruminants of tears a kiss him on the head. "What do you wanna play?" I asked.

He replied, "tic tac toe."

And so we played tic tac toe for the remainder of the evening until dinner.

I completely zoned out at that point, and dinner was silent anyway because he wasn't home. And for obvious reasons, my mom was quiet, and for the most part, whenever I'm silent, so is Riley.

Everyone dies.

It's just a matter of when, where, and how.

But that doesn't mean the world stops spinning, now does it?