the tourist | l.h.

xvi

Malaya

*a few months later*

It's the last day of my quick side-trip to Bali. 

I have enjoyed my few days here, trying to relax and enjoy my own company.

Trying.

As I stare out of my hotel window, my mind wanders to what he could be doing right now. Have they gone back home? Has he forgotten about me?  Is he all right?

So many questions, and yet, not a single answer. 

I left my hotel to do one last thing before I leave this beautiful place: get a tattoo. My mother has always kept a small drawing of a tattoo design that she's been dreaming of since she was 15. She said it had to be perfect and memorable at the same time. I stared at the small drawing of a bird on a piece of crumpled paper, excited to get a piece of my mother permanently inked on me.

-

I arrived at a local tattoo parlor. The place is quaint and located at the heart of the city. "Hey, Malaya! Glad you could make it!" Benjie, my friend who owns the place, greeted me as I entered.  "Hey! I've really been meaning to come, and you know me, I keep my promises." 

He sat me down on the chair, organizing and laying out the materials needed. "Do you have any designs in mind?" 

I nod my head as I hand him the scrunched up paper I've been holding. "This is a beautiful drawing. I'm guessing this was your mom's?" 

I nod my head again.

"All right, well let's get started."

-

I've been sitting in this chair for about an hour. Benjie is hard at work, trying to replicate the intricate design underneath my collarbone. While I am sitting, trying hard to not wince every few seconds, and distracting myself with the music being played on the radio.

"Today at the station, we have 5 Seconds of Summer joining us! Michael Clifford, Calum Hood, Ashton Irwin, and Luke Hemmings, say hi!" 

"Hi!"

My eyes widened. Is that really them? 

"So, we heard you've recently dropped your newest album, Youngblood. How does it feel?"

"Ah, it feels so surreal. After all the hours we spent in the studio writing, recording, and producing, it's amazing how we were able to come out with something as amazing as this." Ashton said, his Australian accent still so thick. 

"Wow, that's awesome, man. We're gonna play one of the songs from 5SOS' newest album. This song is called Why Won't You Love Me." 

The interview sounds fade and the song starts to play. 

Switching into airplane mode again
We're not alright but I'll pretend

The sound of Luke's voice made me tear up quite a bit. It hurt more than the needle that has been piercing me for the past hour. 

I check my phone to see your face
Staring back as if to say
"Don't worry, you won't be lonely"

Why won't you love me?
You imagine when you close your eyes
You're with me on the other side
So why won't you love me?

I couldn't help but think that this song was about me. Especially with Luke's voice singing the words. He really thought I didn't love him?

The song ends and it goes back to the interview portion.

"What a good song, boys. What inspired you to write this?"

"Actually, it's more of who." Luke chuckled. "I basically met this girl while we went on a trip. The rest of the song can explain it." he chuckled even more.

So, it was me. 

He really thought I didn't love him? Oh, if he only knew what impact  he had on me. If I could go back in time and undo leaving him, I would. 

-

Luke

We were sat in the van, on our way home from our radio station interview. 

"We've been getting so much love for the new album, it's amazing." Calum smiled as he scrolled through his Instagram feed. "I know! I was kinda worried the fans wouldn't like it." Michael admitted.

I took out my phone and opened Instagram to see how the fans were reacting to the new album. When I opened my notification wall, a follow caught my eye.

malaya_r started following you

Is that her? Is that really her? 

I clicked on her profile and the only photo she had on her profile was a picture of a bird tattoo underneath her collarbone. 

"I love you more than you would ever know." read the caption on the photo. 

Could this be for me?

-

a.n.

HI IM BACK? AHAAHA

just needed to finish this goodbbye

- v.d.