10 sentences | cake

t-w-e-n-t-y t-h-r-e-e

Dear diary,

I'm skipping school today, pretending to be sick so that my parents can't force me to go.

I just don't think that I have enough power to already see Luke again when the kiss took place only three days before.

It's all just really complicated and frustrating because normally I should be happy that he kissed me and I should shout in joyment because he's the beautiful person I admired since day one - and I still do have the same feelings - but instead of feeling on top of the world I am afraid.

Afraid that this all maybe is some sick joke and that he plans to break my heart, afraid that he really has no feelings for me but I forced him to pretend like he does because I kissed him and now he feels guilty, afraid of what Ashton will say or what my parents will do. . .

It's just. . unexplainable what I have to go through.

Also my relatives must have seen me and Ashton kissing at the metro last week because my father shouted at me angrily, his veins popping out and his hands building fists, while my mother tried to hold my father back from punching me.

He told me how disgusted and embarrassed he was when his brother told him about his son kissing another guy and I am not allowed to see any male after school or on weekends now even if they are just friends.

Plus my parents are taking all my rock CD's, my mp3 player, my IPod, my IPhone, my computer and plainly everything where I can hear rock music away because they think it is the reason why I turned into a fag - I'm curious which other methods they'll use to try to "turn me straight" because not allowing me to communicate with boys or listen to rock won't change who I am.

I heard them talking about church camp or something when it is summer holidays but that surely won't happen because I'll somehow manage to find a way so that I don't have to go through that; if it's by running away or ending everything.

Oh, my mum just called me saying someone from school is awaiting me downstairs.

Your Calum x

- - -

(shit  chapter af)
I update yesss!

I am (still) on a class trip so that's one of the reasons why I haven't been able to update lately.

love y'all

cat x