feeling his presence, every second ♡︎

-3-

I was mesmerized. Silence was all that I could emit. He walked up to me, until we were inches away from one another. I couldn't help but stare into his eyes.

"What did you want me here for?" I am extremely curious. First of all, he is married. Second of all 'If you think this is right?' What the hell does that mean? "They asked me the same question." OH NO. I HOPE ITS NOT THAT QUESTION. I don't know what to say? Should I play dumb? Yeah that's my best bet. "What question are you talking about?" It feels as if I cannot breathe. "They asked me; 'Do you see yourself with Jennifer Lopez again in the future?" Not only can I not breath but it also feels as if my heart is being taken out of my chest.

"Did you answer them?" He shook his head and then continued, "No I couldn't tell them the truth. It's too painful." Truth be told, that's exactly what I felt. "And?" My voice accidentally cracked in between the word. He nodded. He's always been a man of few words in a good and bad way. "Yeah Jen, I know somehow we will come full circle. I know that we can't but I think about you every night and I know you do too. Please tell I'm not the only one who feels this way."

I swear I almost passed out in that moment. I felt pain; Pain from the last couple of years without him. "It's not that easy, Ben. You should already know that." I was already crying at that point and I was clearly upset but It wasn't at him. I was just upset about the situation. "So enlighten me, Jennifer? What's so hard to admit?" That's where he is wrong, I won't verbally admit it but of course I want to be with him.

"Nothing." Actually alot of things. "So then why is it so hard?! It shouldn't be since it's nothing according to you." This is the moment where I explode. "What is it that want to hear Ben? That after 13 years I still love you? That I still remember that conversation we had the night of out breakup? That I still remember the pain I felt when I saw you with other women who aren't me? That I still don't understand why you moved on so quickly if you claimed that you were so in love with me? I waited a year, Ben. I waited a year to accept that you were never coming into my life again. Meanwhile I had to hear that you were already in love with Jennifer towards the end of our relationship? What the hell am I supposed to do, Ben? I am in pain."

I made him tear up. I think I went too far. He was silent and he sat down on the ledge. "Look I'm sorry." I said in between tears. Silence. "Please say something." What could possibly be going through his head. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear." This is so unpredictable. I couldn't resist and I sat down extremely close to him. Am I naive to actually see a possible future with him? Maybe I'll ask him at some point. "What do you mean? We cannot possibly be together and you know that."

"You're right, maybe we cant be together, publicly at least." That sounded like such a typical thing that Ben Affleck would say. Yes, I do care about my relationship with Casper, If I didn't then I wouldn't be with him. But what about his marriage? Forget it. He's right. This may go to shit but maybe we'll have each other. "And your marriage?"

"I already filed for a divorce, I can't be with her." You know how Taylor Swift says "Don't blame me, Love me crazy"? That's how I feel in this very moment. I leaned my head on his shoulder which he responded to by pulling me in closer. "Am I naive for seeing a distant future with you?" He shook his head. "Not when I see one too." I shed a tear which obviously I made sure he didn't see. Our first breakup built walls that weren't meant to broken down unless I am positive that this was going to be a secure thing. I can't afford to lose him again. And with that being said I got a text message from an anonymous number with a picture of Casper kissing a drag queen.

Unknown: Is this who you were going to marry?

Ben saw and we immediately looked at each other. He pulled me into his embrace and didn't mind the few singular tears that fell. I mean, this was someone I agreed to marry. I wasn't sad, I was dissapointed. "I pick the wrong guys." He acted like he was offended to make me smile. He didn't fail to do that. He never did. "Not you. You were the right guy but the universe put us in each others lives at the wrong time." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up as the blasting slow dance song from the party could be heard from the rooftop.

I clearly knew what he wanted so we started to slow dance. But I needed clarity. "Ben?"

"What's up?"

"If this is going to happen, I need to know. I can't do a back and forth thing." He grabbed me a pulled me in close, almost to where our lips were touching. "It's always been us, Jennifer." I bit my lips. THE WAY HE SAYS MY NAME. From there we went to a hotel room and what happened was more than what I had hoped for. I hopped in the shower, completely forgetting about what was outside that hotel room. I completely forgot about the Casper cheating thing. I could care less.

I was just in paradise with Ben Affleck. Someone who made me feel like myself. After so many years, It felt as if nothing had changed.

He walked in while I was showering, just smiling. "Its always been us, right?" I said and I smiled as I held his hand. He nodded and there we were again.

Forgetting that the world existed.

{happy birthday jennifer affleck<3} {sorry for not updating} {luv u guys!!}