feeling his presence, every second ♡︎

-15-

{Dec. 24th, 2022}
(Jenn's POV)

I woke up to an uncontrollable feeling of nausea and I ran to the toilet. This was like the 12th time just this month. After about 20 minutes of throwing up I realized it's Christmas Eve, Baby. And the newly developed Affleck household was going to be filled with Puerto Ricans making dinner for noche buena. Ben was probably outside playing basketball with Sam and Max. They had been doing so everyday. We were all surprised that Max had taken a liking to basketball but I could see them all having a great time. I walked towards the window and I was right. Ben was teaching Max how to shoot from several angles and strangely enough, it brought tears to my eyes. I was super emotional and I had no clue why. If you would have told me that I would have found the perfect step-father for my kids 5 years ago, I would have laughed in your face.

Not only that, Ben's Mom treats Cy and Max like one of her own grandkids. I remember her laying in bed with Cy and Serafina talking about life and other in-depth conversations that I didn't want to intrude on.

I continued with my thoughts towards the living room and I guess my mom was thinking  the same thing because she was also watching Ben through the window until she noticed I was there. "Hey, Baby. Are you okay?" She said to me as I approached her. "Yeah, Mami. I'm just a bit emotional." I think she assumed what it was about because she followed up without even knowing what I was emotional about.  "Jenn, I love him so much, we love him so much for you. It was always him because nobody else felt right and I told you that from the minute I saw him." She said, leaving me without a clue as to if I should laugh or cry of happiness. "I'm so scared of this disappearing, Mami."

"And it won't. As long as you don't let it. You need to get out of your own head." As much as I hated to admit it; she was right. I'm an over-thinker at heart and I need to take control of that because Ben is not going anywhere. We're married and we are one now so whatever comes in the way of that; we'll take care of it together.

"You're right, Mami. Thank you." I went upstairs and showered then I sat to do my makeup when about 5 minutes later I felt two firm hands around my waist. "Hey, you." I said without erasing the smile on my face. "Hey, beautiful. Max is a natural, he made it in every-time."

"Is he really? Thank you for teaching him, baby." I kissed him and he sat next to me as I did my makeup. It wasn't unusual of him and I loved that about him. He was always willing and to learn how to do my makeup with the excuse of "If the time ever comes that I need to do your makeup, I can do it."  When I was done with my makeup I got up and looked at Ben so that he could see. "I like it but you know you don't need all that. What you need is some concealer to cover up and occasional pimple but that's about it." I got this speech everyday but it felt good to know that I was appreciated whether I was natural or not. "I know but it's Christmas Eve, I feel like shit so I need a pick- me up." From all of that, Ben caught the I feel like shit. "Did you throw up again?"

"Yeah,I threw up like twice in 20 minutes." Even speaking of it made me wanna throw up again. "We need to take you to the doctor because that is not normal." I watched as he took off his clothes and hopped in the shower but he was in out in 10 minutes. "Why'd you rush?"

"Because Lupe requested some potatoes and Tiana didn't wanna go get them because she's cooking with Lynda and Leslie so I'm going." I am so beyond surprised that they didn't listen to everyone of Lupe's commands considering how much they respect her. "I would come with you but I have to cook."

We kissed goodbye and Ben went to the store. Meanwhile he was there, I was cooking and listening to music so loud that I didn't even notice when he got back.

By the time all the food was ready, I went back upstairs and showered and redid my makeup. I didn't expect to get as dirty as I did.

All our guests had arrived and we sat at the table at dinner time. It felt great to be surrounded by our children, family members and even friends that were our chosen family.

"Before we eat I would like to give a toast." Ben continued. "I would like to thank you all for attending and showing love to us all. I would like to thank my wife for being the amazing life partner that she is. Thank you for allowing me the honor to watch Cy and Max grow up and Thank you for being such an amazing 2nd mom to my kids." I blew a kiss to him, Sam, Serafina, and Violet. I then saw him turn his vision towards Max and Cy. "Now an early Christmas present that I would like to give you both are these. Violet, Sera and Sam got one already so I think it's time you both get one too." He then handed jewelry boxes to both of them, both looked like ring boxes. Cy opened theirs first to reveal a silver ring with an amethyst in the middle.Ben then proceeded to walk over to them. "With this promise ring, Cy, I promise to be 100% supportive of your every move and every decision. I promise to be honest and be a good role model to you. I promise to be at every softball game, at every school event, every birthday from here on out and everywhere else you want me to be." Cy had tears in their eyes and they jumped to hug Ben. "Now for Max." Max opened the box and it was a sliver band with blue waves engraved on the outside because that's what Max liked. "I tried to find something cool for you but this is the best I got." Everyone laughed through the emotions at his attempt at being funny. "With this band I want you to know that I'll be there for you even when times are hard. I want you to know that I'll teach you everything you want to know, I'll help you with anything, and lastly I promise you and your sister the world just like I would with Violet, Sera, and Sam. Because to me, you guys aren't just my step kids. I love you as if you were my own and I want you to know that I'll respect your mom and I wanted to thank you for taking care of your mom all these years because that, Max, is the hardest job of them all but you did it and I'm so proud of you. In the end, I love you both and thank you for allowing me the opportunity of seeing you grow up from now on." They ran up and hugged him and at this point I was nearly about to sob. Ben came towards me and kissed me. "It's okay, my love. I got them."

As we all ate, I started to recall a few words that Ben said at our wedding in August and I thought they were appropriate in this moment so here they are;

This is it. Right Here. We're in it now.