feeling his presence, every second ♡︎

-8-

I was extremeley excited for my date with Ben. I practically ransacked my closet looking for the perfect outfit. We had agreed to go to Spago in Beverly Hills because we wanted to try the resturants in that area. After about 10 minutes of deciding, pairing outfits, and making a mess with Emme and Max; I chose a red turtle neck dress with my Louboutin boots. I debated on taking a purse but I did end up taking my Chanel Container Clutch. Damn, I look good today, I still got it.

"I'm so excited for you, Mom." Max was smiling and this truly melted my heart. Emme and Max were sitting on my bed as they looked at the outfit that they helped come up with. "You look so beautiful." I went up to them and hugged them. "You both know that I'll never love anyone more than you guys right?" They nodded in sync. I mean; they were twins for a reason.

When Ben texted me saying he was in my gate, I walked outside and saw him leaning againist his car. Out of no where, I kissed him. I wasn't thinking straight, it was almost as if my body did it on it's own. He was clearly shocked and I don't blame him. I was also confused. I didn't regret it though. I tried to change the subject because I didn't want him to think about it. "So how are you?" I was smiling, hoping he would answer me and forget what I did.

But he didn't answer. He grabbed me again and pulled me in close as he kissed me. This world may be messed up but right in this moment; I felt perfect. For once, I didn't have to care about who saw. I didn't have to worry about the paparazzi taking pictures of this moment. Both my son and my daughter approved and that's all that matters.

We made out for about 10 minutes, completley forgetting about dinner. The only reason we stopped was because I saw Emme putting up a thumbs up in the window. I laughed at her gesture as we got in the car. I am really happy that she's happy about this whole thing.

Ben and I held hands the entire car ride and all throughtout the dinner. It felt as if we were scared to let go. If that was the case, then we had every right to be. We were torn away from one another twice. I never want to leave his side again and I swear I won't. I'm obsessed. With him. With life. With my blessings. With my kids. I'm obsessed with it all. You may call it crazy but I call it deep and unexplicable love.I could talk about him like that for hours but our date would probably be more interesting than that.

When we initially got to the resturant, We were suprised at the minimal yet beautiful decorations that surrounded us but we still loved the interior. The food was amazing. We had a great time. We paid and left, never letting go of one another."Wow that was amazing." He said as we both coincidentally stuck a piece of gum in our mouthes. We walked to the car and got in too.

"It really was, It's crazy how 20-30 years ago we couldn't do anything like this too often or maybe even at all." Ben and I came from similar backgrounds which is why we clicked so well. We both understood the financial struggles that surronded us at a very young age and I think that made us realize how different we want our lives to be. Both our moms were teachers while his father sadly didn't have a stable job and my dad was a computer repair technician. We knew that money wasn't easy so we both respected our families for giving us the life we had.

"Where we came from and where we are now is so crazy." I put my hand up to his face and started swiping my hand on his face softly. "Not only that but where we'll go is also going to be the best." I think that was my way of telling him I still saw a future with him. I just hope he got the message.

He kissed my hand and started to drive. I thought he was going to drive into my gate but he parked in front of my house. "You can go in, it's okay." I gave him a reassuring smile. I didn't know what he was feeling or what was even going to happen in the moment. But then he grabbed my hand. "When we first broke up I always wanted to come to your house, knock on your door and tell you about everything that I was feeling and the countless amount of ways and moments that I realized you were always the one. I could never get myself to go up to the door so I always parked in front. A few months ago I was driving away from here and I found a spot. Can I take you there?"

I nodded. I would have never expected him to do that. I thought he moved on in 2003. I thought he moved on 2 months after we separated. Maybe even less time. Before I knew it, we were parked at the next location. I was familiar with this place as soon as I saw it.. I don't remember what this is or where I remember it from but I know I've been here before.

Ben walked me out farther and farther until it all clicked. I can't believe I didn't realize where I was as we were on the road that lead up here. He walked me to the mountain where we would sit together and look at the sunrise, the fourth of july fireworks, and the sunset. I don't know why but I started crying. My priorities were clear. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ben Affleck. I wanted to wake up with him next to me. I know I wanted to become an Affleck myself.

"Look, It's still here." I looked to my right where we had written our names on a cement wall all those years ago.

"Benjamin and Jennifer
Together for the rest of time"

I believed it then and I believe it now, Ben Affleck is mine.