feeling his presence, every second ♡︎

-11-

I woke up to an empty bed. I weirdly missed Ben. I guess I'm "that" girlfriend. I wanted to get up and look for him but I was too sore to move so I just went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and came back. I always take on wayyyyy to much at a time. I grabbed my phone and began to text him but then he walked in with a tray with food. "Hi baby." He set the tray on the nightstand as I pulled him in to kiss him. "I missed you."

"You saw me last night and I was with you an hour ago." He laughed and I pulled him on top of me. "It doesn't matter that's not the pointttt." He kissed me so much I was weak. When I straightened myself up againist the head board, I tapped the spot next me and Ben sat down. I had my first bite of the strawberry tart then extended it towards him and made him eat some too. Overall, the food was amazing. I didn't know Ben was such a good cook now.

"So what time are the kids coming?' I said while leaning on him and holding his hand. "They should be here before dinner, why?" I knew this meant he had to go home tonight. His kids didn't know me that well and their rooms are at Ben's house. I felt clingy but LISTEN I had my reasons. Or did I? Did I actually have a justifiable reason to be the way that I am when it comes to Ben?

"Does this mean you have to go home?" He nodded and kissed my hand. "But the week will be over before you know it." He was right. "Yeah I know and the kids come first."

"Correct."  We spent the rest of the day in each others arms. We watched more movies, hung out with Emme and Max and made food. We even played softball. I was nervous for his kids to come primarily because I knew how much they respected their mother. I was really hoping they liked me. I was cleaning up here and there when the doorbell rang throughout the house. Ben stopped cooking and went to open the door.

I could see Samuel run into his arms as Seraphina and Violet waited their turn. I felt it would be proper if I went and introduced myself but I really didn't want to interrupt on their family time. "Jen? Come here please, baby." I walked into the living room and I introduced myself to the girls and Sam. I also said hello to Jennifer. The girls gave me a hug and said it was nice to meet me and they went to find Emme and Max. Sam stayed with me and I kneeled down in front of him.

"Hi Jennifer." He had the cutest smile. "Hi Sam. How are you today?" He still kept smiling. He seemed so happy and so full of light. "Good and you?"

"I'm good."

"I need to talk to you, Ben." Ben nodded and they walked outside. No problem, this could be something about the kids. "Sam do you want to go find the others?" He nodded and ran away. I could hear the conversation between the two of them clearly. What she said made me nauseous.

"I'm worried about you?"

"For?'

" You could relapse." What does mean he could relapse? For what?" Am I not doing a good job at this?

"What do you mean I could relapse? I'm being taken care of, Jennifer?"

"Don't even say that. I haven't heard you went back to the clinic not even once."

"Look, I appreciate that you worry but I don't need that clinic. I'm sober and you know that."

"You don't look happy, Ben." Yup, I gotta admit. That kinda hurt.

When Ben came back inside I just stood there frozen. I was literally shocked. I could not believe that's what she noticed. I could tell he was hurt too. I know Ben and I know that he didn't agree with what she said. He sat in the foyer with his face between his hands. I sat next to him as he stayed silent. "Look Ben I trust you. If you were unhappy, you would probably tell me. Plus, she may see some signs."

"Well she's wrong. I'm the happiest I've ever been."  I saw a tear drop from his eye which I kissed away. I didn't like to see him cry. I didn't like to see him suffer at all. "Jen, there's no places I'd rather be." That was all the reassurance I needed. Yes, her words did hurt a little. Yes, I felt guilty and uncapable of taking care of him but I was determined to change that.

He leaned on my chest as I continued talking. "I promise I'll change for you." It felt right. "No please don't ever change." He made me feel accepted and loved. I thought I made him happy. I thought everyone saw that and  everyone would tell me that too but I guess she didn't see it. It's okay, We both feel it and that matters most.

We made food and said our goodbyes at 10:30. His kids hugged me and I kissed Ben softly. I was treating him like he was fragile now and I hated it. I felt so awkward. Not because of him but because of Jennifer. Emme and Max had already fallen asleep by the time I decided to take a shower. I cried, alot.

It was my moment to kinda let go of all the things that had been said today. I took my shower and wrapped myself in a towel. Leah was calling me coincidentally. "Oh baby I'm sorry."  No way. "For what Lee?" Who would have said anything? Nobody was here to hear what happened? "You don't look happy, Ben." I've frozen up so many times today. "How did you find out?"

"CNN. This is terrible." She sent me the link which I forwarded to Ben.

Ben: I'm so sorry, baby. I love you and I don't want this to affect us. Neither did I but what if it already did?