I Don't Need New Friends

20. We're F-ing Great

"Is Nat the one that got away, James?" Zoe asked, curious to know if he ever thought about her long-term. "Was she the one?"

"Natalia?" Bucky smiled, thinking about his old friend. "She was many things, but relationship material was not one of them...at least she was upfront about it."

"So, was there someone? Or is there someone waiting for you somewhere?" Zoe asked cautiously. "Or do you still cut and run?"

"Well, to be honest, it's not exactly easy finding someone who can get past the basics." Bucky sighed. "Not everyone is as accepting as you are. Plus, I was having too much fun back in the day to settle down. Kinda figured it would just happen when it happened, you know? We all thought that we'd get to come home and have lives after the war..."

"You still do, James. It's just a little more complicated than it would have been back then." Zoe tried to be encouraging. "I mean, look at you! You're fucking great! You're funny, smart, introspective, full of nerdy enthusiasm...plus, have you seen you? Women should be throwing themselves at your feet!"

"Oh, um, thank you, that's nice to hear." Bucky flushed a little. "But that's only the tip of the crazy iceberg, like you said."

"Who doesn't have a little baggage at your age?" Zoe smirked. "You're what, 400?"

"107, fuck you very much." Bucky laughed. "Actually, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?"

"44. I'm a whole 6 months older than Sam, though he insists I'm waaaay older..." Zoe chuckled. "He swears he's still in his 30s because, he says, and I quote 'blip years don't count, Zoe, it's science.' Likes to call me 'Old Lady'. He thinks he's funny or something."

"Yeah, about that..." Bucky smiled. "...though my favorite was when he tried to call Sarah old. Don't think I've ever seen him run that fast."

"Will he ever learn?" Zoe laughed. "Can I ask, have you actually been on a date since you've come back from the dead?"

"Once...it was nice, but she had no idea..." Bucky looked wistful. "...plus, she was close to someone I had to make amends with, and it's too much to put on someone else."

"Sorry. If it helps, my super secret ex was Captain Fucking America..." Zoe smirked. "...not that anyone knows or that I can tell any potential suitors, but my guess is it would make most men run the other way."

"Okay, my turn to tell you that you're fucking great." Bucky stated emphatically. "And anyone who can't see that, including Steve, is a complete fucking idiot."

"Thanks, James..." Zoe blushed a little. "...okay, so we're fucking great...but moving on, have you ever seen any of the wild theories some of your fans have about your arm?!"

"Oh god!" Bucky blushed fully. "Sam loves to mess with me and send me screenshots of extremely graphic fan mail..."

"Are any of them right?" Zoe asked outright. "Did Shuri add some freak features to that fancy high-tech arm of yours?"

"Absolutely not." He laughed. "In fact, I still pinch my skin and clothes in the plates regularly, so I don't think it would be a good idea to try anything kinky with it."

"Wow, that's a relief!" Zoe grinned. "It sounds really unsanitary!"

"Well, I mean, I wash my hands like everybody else, that's gross." Bucky laughed. "I'm not a complete animal!"

"Good to know." Zoe laughed, shaking her head. "Do you have to, I don't know, take it apart to clean, like a gun?"

"No, but I see where you might think that." Bucky answered. "It's fully waterproof and won't rust or corrode, so I can hose it down, swim, go in the ocean, whatever I need to do."

"But, like, do you have to clean in the grooves with a toothbrush or anything?" Zoe was very interested in the day-to-day mechanics of his advanced prosthetic. "Do you need anything special to maintain it with? Oil? Hydraulic fluid? Infinity stones?"

"Honestly, no." Bucky chuckled and looked at his arm thoughtfully. "Maybe I should? But Shuri said to treat it exactly like my real arm, so that's what I do. Should I probably take better care of it? Obviously. Do I? Not so much."

"Does it feel different than the old one?" Zoe wasn't sure she should be asking, but went for it anyway. "Like, do you feel better with it?"

"Totally. It's lighter, more maneuverable, less obtrusive, and, honestly, looks way cooler." Bucky smiled and wiggled his fingers. "Much less baggage, too..."

"If you had the choice, would you wear a prosthetic at all?" Zoe asked delicately. "I work with amputees all the time and some choose not to use them if they don't have to."

"Really, it's not so much a choice." Bucky looked up into her eyes and hoped she didn't see his walls crumble a little more with these intensely personal questions that no one had ever thought to ask him before, and more importantly, he felt comfortable enough to answer. "While I was recovering in Wakanda, I actually didn't use one, and it was fine most of the time. This one was given to me to help the team fight when, you know..."

"How fucking terrifying was it being dusted?" Zoe whispered. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay..." Bucky sighed, surprised and more than a little impressed she was actually going there. "It was so weird. Didn't really feel anything, and it was like a crazy fever dream, until Strange showed up and told me to get ready to go back. I had no idea it had been 5 years. To me, it felt like nothing...then coming back and seeing what happened...I guess I'm better equipped to deal with losing time than most, since I was in and out of cryo for so long."

"That's true. I never though of it that way." Zoe nodded. "Sam said it was like something out of a movie, or like if you've ever had a concussion and lost your bearings."

"Losing time is not something anyone should ever have to experience." Bucky looked away, gutted. "Trust me, I'm something of an expert."

"Indeed you are, James." Zoe got lost in the moment and instinctively hugged him.

Bucky shocked himself when he hugged her back and closed his eyes, after the initial panic wore off.

"Is this okay?" Zoe asked into his shoulder.

"More than okay." Bucky said, sighing heavily and trying not to shake with how completely overwhelmed he was.