A New Life

Chapter 1

'A Plus sign... it's a plus sign' I thought as I stared at the pregnancy test in my hands, hoping beyond hope that the little plus sign would go away. I blinked several times, but the plus sign remained.

My parents told me about this. I looked down at my stomach, realizing what this truly meant. As a child, my mom took me to the doctors' and they discovered that while I was biologically a male, for whatever reason I was born with a uterus and a vagina. The doctors questioned it but insisted that it would not interfere with my life and that I could keep it.

Then I came out as gay. My parents accepted my life and told me the truth. I didn't care as I didn't think anything would come of it, and besides, I would be using protection. I wouldn't get pregnant.

That was before I met... Rylan. We took Bio 1000 in the first term at University together. We made eye contact and I fell for him. Rylan was one of the hottest guys that I have ever seen. We began dating about a week after we met. I loved him, regardless of what my friends said.

Rylan is abusive, while he never touched me when he first moved in, he began policing all of my meals and feeding me himself like I was a child. I haven't done anything truly for myself since we started dating. I put up with it though because every time I stared into his chocolate brown eyes I melted, and making out with him felt good. And then last Wednesday happened...

I shuddered thinking about the experience. I could still feel his hands as they traveled down my body, and my groin still hurt from his insertion.

This morning I felt sick. I thought it was from the sex but after I threw up before class now it might be something else. My best friend Julia noticed how I felt before class and tried to convince me to leave Rylan again. It's a pattern with us she convinces me to leave him and I say no, only today because of nausea I snapped at her:

"Mind your own business!"

Her reply was: "Wow, did you grow a vagina and the dick nailed you hard enough that you're pregnant? You're acting hormonal."

That hit me hard and reminded me about my condition; so, after class, I went to a drugstore and bought a pregnancy test. And now I am currently standing in my apartment's washroom staring at the said pregnancy test.

"I'm Pregnant? I'm Pregnant!" I exclaimed softly. I am placing both hands on my stomach and my now unborn child.

"You're Rylan's, aren't you? From the incident last Wednesday." I thought. If it is Rylan's child, can I, have it? Can I look this baby in the eyes knowing that they belong to him?

"I can get rid of you," I whispered... before shaking my head, no, no I won't consider abortion. It's not this baby's fault for who the father is, and I can't end this life before it has a chance to experience the world. It's my baby, I want to see it live.

But Rylan, can I have a baby with Rylan? I shook my head. No, he's abusive to me, I don't even want to know how he would treat a baby.

I looked at myself in the washroom mirror. My skin looked dry and pale, and my teal blue eyes looked dull and lifeless and sunken into my face by the noticeable dark circles around them. My normal honey blond hair was dry and thin and looked generally pathetic, I was noticeably skinnier than I was six months ago and my t-shirt looked to be hanging off of my frame. I stared particularly hard at the large off-coloured scar that sat nestled between my neck and shoulder. I touched gently, and shuttered, 'I need to leave him...'

"Rylan's not good for me, is he?" I realized this as I looked at my stomach again. "It's time. I have to dump him, for my sake and my child's."