Wars at Home

Chapter 2

I lay in bed, trying hard to be still. Andrew fell asleep a while ago, but he was such a light sleeper, I was afraid I'd wake him with all my tossing and turning. I'd been attempting to doze for at least two hours. But thanks to that unpleasant conversation earlier, I was still wide awake.

Thomas wouldn't be eager to go to war, I knew. He'd always been so easygoing and quick to avoid conflict, but he was also very concerned with doing what he thought he was supposed to. So while he might not want it, he might feel it was his duty to enlist. And I wasn't sure he'd listen to my attempts to persuade him otherwise.

Maybe if Marianne and I banded together, we could do it. I was sure she woudn't want her fiance going off to war any more than I did.

Thankfully, Samuel was only sixteen. Unlike Thomas, he'd be positively itching to go to war. He was so impatient to prove that he was a man, no amount of begging from me or anyone else would stop him. The army would though. He'd have to be eighteen to enlist. This war couldn't possibly last for another two years, could it?

I didn't worry about Andrew too much, either. He was still young enough to enlist, but he wasn't in the expected age range to. And he had a family to take care of. Besides, he was a journalist, not a soldier.

I turned to my side again, without remembering to be careful not to wake Andrew.

"Kat," he said, sounding groggy and making me grimace.

"Honey, if you don't stop moving around over there, one of us is going to wind up on the floor. And I'm honestly not sure who it'll be."

"I'm sorry. I can't seem to relax."

"Well then." He sounded a little more awake. "Let me see if I can't help you with that." Pulling me closer, he kissed me lazily, trailing his lips along my jaw and down my neck.

I tried to relax and go along with it, but honestly, this was just about the last thing I wanted to be doing right now.

"Andrew?" I said, after a minute.

"Mmm?" he mumbled against my neck.

"You don't think the war will come here, do you?" I couldn't keep from asking any longer. I'd wanted to talk to him all night, but we hardly had two seconds alone before bed. And then he'd been so tired, I waited.

Andrew froze and leaned away.

"I've tried to tell you what's going on in the war for the last two years, and this is the moment you pick to talk about it?" he asked incredulous.

"I'm sorry." I cringed. "It's just something Hetty Clark said today."

"You're not listening to that old tabby, are you?" he asked. "You know she was probably only trying to upset you."

"I know. But I couldn't help but wonder if she was right about this. Is the war coming here? Andrew, I'm so worried about Thomas. What if he feels he has to enlist?"

Andrew sighed. "If there's a war, he might feel that way."

I peered at him in the darkness, barely able to make out his features.

"I'm sure he wouldn't be able to withstand your pleading, though," he joked.

I smiled. "That's what I'm counting on," I admitted. "But do you think we really will go to war?"

"Honestly, I don't know. For all anyone knows, the war could be over tomorrow."

"Or?" I pushed.

"Or it could go on for a long time." He sighed again. "And if it does, I think there's a very good chance America could join. The president's tried to orchestrate peace talks and the Germans want no part of it. Neither side is willing to accept anything but total victory. On top of that, Germany's been aggressively sinking ships. American ones."

I stayed quiet, thinking. It didn't sound like he didn't know. It sounded like he thought it was going to happen.

"And I don't want to scare you," he said. "But if we do go to war, Thomas might not have a choice."

"What do you mean?" I asked, alarmed.

"If there's a war, there's likely to be a draft. Thomas may have to go."

"But not for sure, right?" I began to feel panicked. "I mean, everyone doesn't have to go in a draft. He might not get called, right?"

"Right," Andrew said, pulling me to his chest. "Nothing is certain right now, so don't go worrying about it yet, alright?"

I closed my eyes and snuggled against him. "I'll try."

"Good." He kissed my head.

I waited a few minutes in silence before I couldn't hold back another question.

"You won't go, will you?" I needed to make sure.

"I can't imagine why I would," he said. "I have my family to think about. Besides, the army's not interested in an old man like me."

"You're hardly old, Andrew." He wasn't even forty yet.

He chuckled. "I have a feeling that to you I'll never be old, since we're the same age."

I smiled.

"Still," he said. "Too old to go play war hero."

At least that was one thing I didn't have to worry about.

"It's a good thing Samuel is still too young," I said.

"That boy wouldn't care if it was our war or not. He'd sign up now, if they'd let him." Andrew yawned.

Again, I was grateful that my impulsive son was too young.

"Kat, try and get some sleep now, alright?" he said. "We're not at war, and we don't know if we ever will be."

"Alright." I resolved to push these thoughts out of my head for the night. Andrew was right. We weren't at war right now, and we might not be later on either. My worrying could wait until I knew for sure.

Or at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Forcing myself to stay still while Andrew fell asleep again, I really concentrated on pushing all thoughts of war away, but they just kept coming back. I couldn't help thinking that I might not be able to keep my baby safe. I'd been able to protect Thomas throughout his entire life, but I'd be completely powerless if he went to war. I'd be stuck here, going crazy and dreading the awful news that he wouldn't come home.

How did other mothers deal with this kind of fear? It wasn't even a reality for me yet and I was already terrified for him.

My thoughts kept me alert for most of night as Andrew snored beside me. I only fell into a restless sleep after the sun began making it's appearance for the next day.

When I awoke a few hours later, it felt like I hadn't slept at all. It was a feeling that only compounded as the week continued and I slept just as well each night.

By the end of that sleepless week, my fears were confirmed. America was going to join the Great War and I had a horrible feeling that my sleepless nights were just begining.