Wars at Home

Chapter 12

Climbing the stairs, I thought about what I said to the children and wondered why it hadn't occurred to me before.

Of course, it was hard to forget that Ruby didn't have a mother, but I don't know why I never made the connection between that fact and her behavior before. I'd been chalking her bad behavior and rudeness up to simply being spoiled and in desperate need of discipline. That was definitely part of it, but now it seemed obvious that there was much more to it.

Hadn't I always felt the void of not having my mother in my life? And I couldn't even remember her. Ruby's memories might be few and sketchy, but I was sure she remembered Jenny.

I'd always had Julia as a mother, and I couldn't have asked for a better one, but I'd also always known that she wasn't my real mother. She loved me just as much as if I had been her biological child, but I always knew I wasn't. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder sometimes if she loved Jenny just a little bit more than she loved me.

But despite my insecurities, I always knew she loved me as a daughter. Even if I was unsure at times how much she loved me in comparison with Jenny, I never doubted that she did.

But what about Ruby? Julia loved her, of course, but it would never be in the capacity of a mother. Julia would always be her grandmother.

If things were different, they might be able to have that parent-child relationship. But between Julia's non-confrontational nature, Ruby's stubborn streak, and John's oblivion to Ruby's need for a strong parental influence, it was impossible.

And that left one confused little girl who probably wondered how much she was loved.

I know she didn't question John's love for her, but he wasn't around that much. It seemed unlikely that she didn't feel abandoned a lot of the time. No doubt, it wasn't helping that no one was stepping up in that role when John was absent.

How could she know she was loved if no one ever seemed to care enough to fight for her? If she always got away with things because Julia and I were both too afraid to argue with John, who was blind to her manipulation?

I'd been doing more in the area of discipline since arriving, but it had still only been on the surface. I did the type of things that anyone trying to keep order might do. Not the type of things a parent would do. I'd been so concerned with John's right to raise his daughter the way he wanted, that I'd allowed Ruby's needs to be pushed aside.

Well, that was about to change. John and I would be talking about this as soon as possible. His guilt wasn't going to get in the way. It wasn't fair to allow Ruby to grow up so neglected.

I stopped outside of the girls' bedroom door and took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to prepare for the battle of wills that I knew was coming.

Ruby was already worked up from her fight with the children, and I knew her anger wouldn't have abated so soon. If anything it had most likely festered and grown since she ran upstairs. Being scolded and punished on top of it, wasn't going to be received well.

Well, I suppose I better get used to it. I had a feeling that my resolve to step up her parenting wasn't going to make things easier. This was probably going to be the first of many battles.

Raising my chin, I opened the door and went inside. Just as I guessed, Ruby looked furious. She was sitting in the rocking chair with her arms folded tightly in front of her.

With a defiant set to her jaw, she eyed me curiously as I shut the door and went to stand in front of her.

"Would you like to explain yourself?" I started calmly.