Wars at Home

Chapter 20

I wish that I could say things went back to normal after a while, at least somewhat, but it was impossible. Normal had been shattered for us. All we could do was try to move on and find a way to establish a new type of normalcy. Without Andrew, it seemed like an unattainable goal.

There was no reason for us to return home after the war. It was better for us to be near family, and the only reason we'd moved there in the first place was for Andrew's job. Aside from a few acquaintances and some of the children's school friends, we didn't have any real ties there.

Marianne was the only exception, but she and Thomas would be marrying soon, and would start their own life together. They most likely wouldn't stay in the area anyway since Thomas had always wanted to own a ranch like John and there weren't opportunities for that in our town.

So, as soon as we were able to arrange everything, John and Matthew accompanied Thomas and I back home to pack everything up before I arranged for the house to be sold.

Walking into the house for the first time again was almost unbearable, but reaching mine and Andrew's bedroom nearly crippled me.

For a long while, I just sat on the bed, hugging his favorite suit coat to my chest and breathing in his lingering scent.

It broke my heart to pack his things away, knowing that he would never come back for them. On the one hand, I didn't want to keep them and have to be exposed to that same torture every time I looked at them. But at the same time, I couldn't bear to just throw them away. They were all I had left of him besides my memories. And the memories would fade.

After an hour, I hadn't made much progress since I was so indecisive about which things to pack away for good and which ones to keep with me. Everything seemed precious.

In the end, Thomas came and helped me finish. Our time was limited and I'd used too much of it on this room already.

I was so proud of the man he'd become. He was being so strong and supportive even though I knew he had plenty of his own pain to deal with.

Thankfully, I learned that I was only incapacitated for about a week. When I was, Thomas had taken the responsibility of explaining everything to James and Victoria, upon himself. And he was able to be the stable support they needed at the beginning.

Julia and John helped fill the parent role for them as much as possible, as well. I should have expected as much. As she always did, Julia offered them plenty of love and compassion, and John made it a point to give them each some special attention, providing them with a substitute father figure that they so desperately needed right now.

I was grateful that the children hadn't been left completely alone, but I was glad I'd come out of my trance when I did. They needed their mother more than anything now.

They were both handling things as well as could be expected, I suppose. They were mostly quiet and solemn, clinging to one another with a few uncharacteristic fights at times.

Victoria had taken to sticking to Thomas as much as possible. She'd always idolized her eldest brother, but now she seemed afraid to be away from him for too long, terrified that she might not see him again.

Not that I could blame her. I felt that way much of the time too. I found myself peeking into his room at night, just to be sure he was really there, safe and sound.

But leaving her and James behind for the trip to the house was something that neither one of them accepted with grace.

I was shocked at the fit Victoria had thrown, trying to be taken along. And even though James restrained himself a little better, he carried on nearly as much, angry and resentful.