Checkmated by the Queen (Athlete Series # 4)

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Diary

"Hey, 'nak. Are you okay?" Nagulat ako nang bigla akong tinapik ng aking ina.

"Po?" Hindi mawala sa utak ko ang pag-amin ni Sam.

"I said, are you okay?" She asked with concern visible on her face. Subukan ko kayang tanungin si mommy? Alam ko na maiintindihan niya kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"Mom, is it hard to reject someone that is really close to you? I mean, I have this friend and one of her friends confessed. He likes her, and she doesn't know what to do," kinakabahang sabi ko.

"Rejection is painful, hija, but being rejected doesn't mean you're worthless. It may be somehow, a redirection. If I were her, hindi na ako magsisinungaling. Alam kong masasaktan iyong kaibigan ko na 'yon pero iyon ang tamang gawin," she answered while taking the cookies out from the oven.

"Pero, Mom. What if ayaw niyang masira iyong friendship nila?"

"Hija, hindi naman siguro ganoon kababaw ang pagkakaibigan nila para mawala na parang bula, 'di ba? There might be changes, the other one might be distant than before, but believe me, they're still friends in their hearts. Kung totoong gusto siya ng kaibigan niyang 'yon, maiintindihan niya 'yang kaibigan mo. Masasaktan siya pero hindi niya ganoon kadaling bibitawan ang pagkakaibigang mayroon sila," I felt relieved for a moment, thinking that may be Sam will understand me.

All those years, we were more than okay. We were able to stand with each other amidst our differences. Sam is a really good man. I just don't have feelings for him. Sa kahit na sino sa Alpha, purong kaibigan lang ang turing ko kaya hindi ako makapaniwalang may gusto sa akin ang isa sa kanila.

"Mom, in what way do you think is less painful when it comes to rejecting someone- don't get me wrong, Mom. Para sa kaibigan ko 'to," pag-agap ko nang makitang tila nagsususpetsa siya na tungkol na sa akin ito.

"There's no way that is less painful when it comes to rejection. It'll take time to heal, for a person that has been rejected. Rejection is severe, Andriette," I firmly closed my eyes. I went to my room and laid down. Baka kapag nakatulog ako, e, gumaan kahit papaano ang iniisip ko. Ngunit mali siguro na natulog ako, napanaginipan ko si Sam nagmamakaawang gustuhin ko rin siya.

"Fuck it," I hissed. Nang magising mula sa masamang panaginip ay inabala ko nang husto ang aking sarili para naman hindi ko maituon ang pansin ko sa pag-amin ni Sam. Buong hapon ay inabala ko ang aking sarili, tumulong magluto, magbake, maglinis, at kung ano-ano pang pwede kong gawin. I was so tired that after dinner, I slept too soon.

Kinabukasan, pagkagising ko pa lang ay inisip ko na kung paano ko haharapin si Sam. I do not want to reject him, I mean, I do not want to reject him because I know he'll be hurt. Pero hindi ko rin naman kayang patagalin pa, it's such a torture for him. I went to our school, with occupied mind.

"Morning, Ri!" As usual, Sav greeted me with her sweet voice.

"Morning, Sav," I greeted back.

"Hello, besties! O, 'eto. Galing 'to sa tita ko mula sa Switzerland," sambit ni Bailey sabay abot sa amin ng mga tsokolate na dala ng kaniyang tiyahin. Kami pa lang tatlo ang narito, labis pa rin ang kaba ko kahit wala pa si Sam. Pinupuno man ni Bailey ng katatawanan ang oras na magkakasama kami, kinakabahan pa rin ako. Lalo akong kinabahan nang tuluyan ng dumating sina Hayden, Avery, at Sam.

I can't help but to feel nervous, this is the very first time that someone confessed to me. I don't believe in love. I don't believe that it would last forever.

The class went smoothly, beyond of my occupied mind, I still understood something from the discussions. Not all of 'em, but it's better than nothing.

"Diretso na tayo kay Mama emz, miss ko na pagkain doon," wika ni Hayden.