#GirlsShitToo

Sex Education

Sex education began in English on Monday, and we talked about gender stereotypes. Ms. Tanner, the new sex ed instructor, asked the class to raise their hands for examples of these. She called on Benny first, who said, "Girls don't shit."

"Interesting example," she said, pensive. "I guess, yes, there are some people who say girls don't shit."

After the discussion she showed us anatomical charts, and all of the guys got to see exactly what the vulva was. They were all very engaged.

Tuesday was a discussion of relationships. "While abstinence-only sex education is a thing of the past here in California," said Ms. Tanner, "I would like to remind you abstinence is the only certain way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. This is why many of your elders recommend abstaining from sex until marriage. Although I won't advocate strictly for marriage in here, I would like to discuss with you the value of long-term committed relationships like those of marriage. These kinds of relationships often offer things like loyalty, comfort, and sometimes even financial security, which make having a family much easier, should you desire to make a family. This is why so many of your elders recommend abstaining from sex until marriage."

"It's a good thing gay marriage was legalized recently," Alex whispered loudly, "because if you followed that recommendation and it wasn't, then you might be a virgin forever..."

I gave an embarrassed laugh, then saw Adree and Valerie glance over in surprise.

"Are you really a virgin?" mouthed Valerie, and I could see Adree looking over to see my answer.

"Well, yeah, I mean," by faulty logic, "lesbians are determined to be virgins forever, right?" It was a ridiculous response, a deflective response, a response that would have cringed at if it had been somebody else saying it. But I had said it, because suddenly I was embarrassed about still having my v-card, like I'd been the other day when Eric had told me he hadn't had his for ages.

Adree didn't look like she was at all amused by my answer, which made me feel even more embarrassed.

Friday was the last day of our sex ed program, the day we were discussing affirmative consent. Since the old teaching "no means no" had transformed into the new teaching "yes means yes," we had to learn how to give consent and ask for the consent of our sexual partners before every sexual act. Which was confusing, because when did one sexual act become another? Did the 'yes' have to be verbal? Did it always have to be the word "yes," or could synonyms be used? There were lots of questions we had, some just poking fun at this system of consent, but Ms. Tanner was prepared, saying that the best way to learn was to practice applying affirmative consent in real-life scenarios through the use of role-playing exercises.

"Let's start with you two," she said, pointing to Alex and Valerie. The two of them got up and went to the front of the class, and I was certain Alex felt thankful for his brief acting experience in "Manstruation." "Alright: you two have just started dating, and you really want to kiss her, Alex. How would you engage her? How would you ask for her consent?"

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"That seems like it totally messes up the flow of the moment," said Benny.

"If you get used to the idea of dialogue being a part of any romantic and sexual activity," said Ms. Tanner, "then it will feel more natural. What do you say to him, Valerie?"

"Okay, let's try it," she smirked.

"Do we actually get to kiss?" asked Alex, looking both scared and excited, probably thinking of how Justine might react.

"This is all hypothetical," Ms. Tanner said. "So let's pretend you've kissed, and now you want to take things to the next level. What do you say?"

"Can I take things to the next level?" asked Alex.