#GirlsShitToo

From Project to Competition

After Adree released her vlog, the number of views on my own vlog escalated. I checked it the morning after her release, and it had over 300 hits! Both of us were getting tons of attention—some positive, and some negative, and Adree was surfing on the wake of my popularity. Apparently, Valerie was on board with Adree's project, because she tweeted her and favorited her video:

Valerie Devant @VVDevant

.@AdreeSchmadree_dancer You go, girl! #EmbraceFemininity 4eva!

I'd thought they weren't friends...

I kept scrolling through the responses, and I found some more:

Reba Gallagher @RebaReba

YES! We can't just submit to masculinity and throw away our femininity. I knew there was a reason I didn't like her project!

Ann G. @AngieCarrara

femininity is a beautiful thing!!!

But I also found some comments that were totally supporting me, and one of them was so awesome I had to retweet it:

Jade A. @JadeAnderson

I had a boyfriend who used to be so uncomfortable with the idea that I went to the bathroom, that he inadvertently forced me to hide it from him(1/3)

Jade A. @JadeAnderson

13 yrs. That was an uncomfortable experience I wish on no one. Girls, find boyfriends who you can be a real person around, not just a doll(2/3)

Jade A. @JadeAnderson

I know that I'm being pretty literal about girls not shitting here, but there are other ways that men force us into dolly constipation, even though #GirlsShitToo(3/3)

"Dolly constipation"—I liked that! And this wasn't one of my school peers' responses; this was from a grown woman, which meant that my project had circulated beyond the social circles of my classmates.

Even though all the extra eyes on my project were nice, I still wasn't sure whether to be angry or flattered that Adree created a movement that directly countered mine. I was glad I inspired her, because I knew she was having trouble thinking of an idea, but suddenly my senior project felt like a serious competition.

And Adree's vlog had some pretty cool graphics, something I had failed to include in my own vlog. She had even put up an image of Brienne of Tarth with a backslash over it. I realized that if this was a competition, she had made it much harder for me.

At least she'd given me some drive. If there was one thing I loved about masculinity, it was the competitiveness factor: the desire to be the alpha, the champion. I was going to win this thing.

But it still felt weird, especially considering Adree and I had hardly interacted, at least not since high school had begun, yet now we were in an online vlog battle. I had been silently admiring her hair all throughout the school year, and now I imagined I would be contemplating her demise.

So I went into English class totally not knowing how I was going to react to her when I saw her, wondering: Should I talk to her? Do I smile? Do I frown? Or do I avoid her gaze entirely, not even allowing myself to admire her hair? My plan was to see how she acted towards me and react appropriately.

Waltzing into class like she was walking through Disneyland, Adree smiled at me. And it wasn't one of those not-real smiles or one of those smares Valerie had perfected; it was a genuine smile. So I smiled back, and then she flipped her hair and sat down.

But then Adree smiled at Valerie. At Valerie! I had never seen them be so friendly to each other in person. Adree even told Valerie, "I love your manicure!" Then Valerie responded, "Thank you! Just like you said, nothing is wrong with coloring our nails in the name of femininity. And I love your hair!"

And Valerie's voice just reverberated in my head: Nothing is wrong with coloring our nails. Nothing is wrong with coloring our nails. Nothing is wrong with coloring our nails.

I couldn't see her nails that well from where I was, but I had seen them earlier in chemistry, and I knew they were this gross peach color. Looking at Valerie's monthly-changing nails had become a sort of obsession of mine, and I didn't know why. She had the best handwriting at our table, so whenever we had a group sheet to fill out, she took charge, and I couldn't help but stare at her hands as she wrote with such eloquence with her thick, gawky nails. It was similar to when I couldn't help wondering how she managed to walk so gracefully in heels. A combination of admiration and confusion. Admirfusion. I was in awe of her ability to be so feminine, I guess, and also repulsed, and also...oh, I don't know. Intrigued?

"What's up, Dallas?" someone interrupted my thinking.

I looked at the desk behind me and saw Sharkbite (his real name was Carlos), one of Benny's and Alex's surfing friends. Nicknamed for his famous encounter with a small shark in 2011 resulting in a bite on the inside of his arm, he literally looked like he tried to hug or choke the shark from behind and it had bitten down. Normally he didn't talk to me when it was just the two of us, because he was only interested surfing and I sucked at it, and maybe because he saw no point in trying to flirt with a lesbian (he was a huge flirt), but I guess my newfound fame made me more interesting even to him.

"Not much," I responded, relieved to be freed from thinking about Valerie for a moment.

"Looks like your project has turned into a feud."

"It's a friendly conversation."

"Girls' fights are always passive/aggressive 'conversations,' aren't they?"

"It's really not a fight. And there was nothing passive about Adree's vlog."

"Yeah, you're right. And they're pretty aggressively 'embracing their femininity' or whatever in front of you right now," he said, and I saw that he was right. Valerie was holding Adree's hand, and telling her something about cuticles. Still talking about that stupid manicure. Just hoping I would look over, which I did, and Valerie glanced at my gaze victoriously.

"You know, if Valerie donated all the money she spent on manicures to the hungry, nobody would be hungry anymore," I said. "There wouldn't even be a need for her project."

"Ouch," he said, and then he asked, "Can girls still...you know...with nails like that?" he looked at me in the eyes, a smirk on his face, and I could tell what was on his mind.

It was another one of those sex questions I couldn't answer, so I messed with my hoodie zipper while I tried to come up with a good fake response.

But he was impatient. "Is that why girls like you never get your nails done?"

"I don't get my nails done because getting your nails done is stupid," I responded, and probably with more salt than was necessary. Thankfully, Ms. Brooks came in right then and told us to be quiet so we could get started. So when everyone got quiet, instead of coming up with a response to Sharkbite's first question, I kept looking at Valerie's manicure and thinking about how nail polish sucked.

By that Sunday, I finally had my idea. I made my video in less than two hours, and I released it close to 9pm, introducing it with a tweet.