𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫,𝐲𝐨𝐮//𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

𝓑𝓪𝓭 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

TW

Everything was happening in slow motion in my head. My mother, who was just holding a bowl of vegetable salad in her hand, had no idea that her husband was about to destroy their daughter's life with one sentence.

"What's wrong, honey?" my mother asked me. But my eyes were fixed on my father's. I was ready for anything.

"Nancy." Mom repeated her question, but Dad grabbed her shoulder.

"Karen, sit down. I think it's time for you to learn the disgusting and twisted truth about your daughter," said the father, who approached me.

I didn't look away from him. I didn't even move. I was just waiting to see what he would do.

"Tell them, Nancy, what perverted things you did behind the door of your room." His hand wandered to my hair, which he stroked gently.

I didn't answer; I just stood there and looked at him. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my hair tightly with his hand and pulled me to the back.

"Ted stop!" I heard my mother scream.

"Tell them, Nancy," he repeated.

I swallowed dryly. Sweat poured from my forehead like a waterfall. My eyes were completely wet, and my stomach was upside down.

"So I'll tell them, okay?"

He finally let go of my hair, but instead pushed me into the kitchen, closer to my mother.

"What's going on here?" My mother's hands were going towards me. She wiped my tears with her hands and hugged me gently. I still didn't look at her.

"Our daughter has a serious problem."

"Mike, take Holly up to your room, honey," said mom, even though she understood that this was not going to end well.

I watched as my nine-year-old brother and my three-year-old sister left together. I wanted to scream for them to save me, but I couldn't.
Father slowly sat down in the chair and crossed his legs.

"You allowed our daughter to hang out with that sick bitch, Karen. You let her turn our daughter into a queer child."

"What are you talking about, Ted? I don't understand."

"About our little girl kissing other girls in her room."

Mom looked at me. There was no look of disgust or disappointment. She was scared. She was as afraid of my father as I was.

"You can't continue with this; I won't just leave it like that."

"Ted, calm down, calm down." Mom and dad tried to calm down. Father was never aggressive, so it could not be said that he would show any emotions at all. But the way he talked about me or Robin broke my heart.

"This is how it will be now; you will stop seeing that girl. Is that clear? And you will realize that you like boys; you can kiss them behind closed doors as much as you want."

My father stood up and grabbed my hand. Firmly. It was maybe the first time he touched me in my life.

"Am I clear, Nancy?" He repeated.
I didn't want to react; I couldn't resist him; I didn't know how. And so, I just nodded.

My father let go of me and left the kitchen.
I was the only one left there, mom, and it was an awkward moment of silence.

"Nancy I-" Mom began the conversation. I don't know if she wanted to scold me or be nice. I didn't even let her finish. I ran to my room and locked myself.

I sat by the door and buried my head in my hand.
I couldn't breathe. Tears streamed down my red face. This was my end.

-

"Nancy!" I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. When I looked around the room to see where I was, I realized that I was at school.

"Nancy, are you okay?" Barbara's hand gently grabbed my shoulder.

"Hm? What? Sure, yes, I'm fine," I said, still confused.

"Are you sure? You fell asleep through math; that's never happened to you before."

"What day is today?" I asked, but I didn't hear Barbara's words.

"Um, Wednesday, why?"

I was confused because I didn't remember how I got here.

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

I feel like I'm starting to go crazy.

"How was Robin?"

"Excuse me?"

"Robin Buckley, you were supposed to do a project together, right?"

"Oh, sure, fine, I guess. We still have something to finish today. What about you and Abigal G?"

"She said she would give me $15 if I did the whole project for her too."

"Is that worth it?"

"Unlike other projects that she has always done with me, she will at least pay for them."

I wondered; it looks like we're fine now. I hope that Robin didn't tell her about our past.

I ran out of the classroom to the bathroom to wash my face. Well, someone stopped me at the lockers.

"Let's see who's back; isn't it little Nancy Wheeler?" Tommy H yelled at me with a mischievous grin.

"So you're hanging out with fags now?" Carol asked me, walking closer to me.

"Oh no, haha, maybe she's your girlfriend?" She added, and she and her friend kept grinning at me.

I didn't understand what they were talking about.
Steve just stood there and didn't move.
I ignored the two and walked over to him.

"What are they talking about?" I was angry and confused; I wanted an explanation.

"I was waiting for you again yesterday. Can you tell me why you fucked me again?"

I rolled my eyes.
"I didn't; I had other things to do, Steve."

"Like what, hm? Queer night?"

"What the hell are you all talking about?"

"Robin Buckley? Do you know her?"

"Yes? We have a history together."

"So you had a history together last night too?"

Carol and Tommy started making strange and disgusting gasping noises.
I looked at Steve, confused.

How did he know I was at Robin's?

Mike.

"Your brother told me he hasn't forgotten the details of how good friends you used to be. Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Nancy?"

I've had enough. No one knew me; no one knew what I was really going through.

"We were doing a stupid project for history, Steve, that's all. And if you have to go after my twelve-year-old brother just because you're the one who doesn't trust me in our relationship, that's not my problem anymore."

Everyone fell silent. I didn't realize it was recess, and almost all the students in the hallways heard our conversation. Steve fell silent as well. He didn't say another word.

"I think we should take a break," was the last thing I said to him. Without another word, I went to the bathroom, where I didn't see him for the rest of the break.

Why did he have to pull it out in front of the whole school? Why didn't he believe me? Does he think I would leave him for her? For a girl? For Robin?

That is absurd.

Is that really so?